Deal O' The Day: Me & The Girls Beneficial Organic Beauty

I recently made a little demo video for the Bar Beleza from me & the girls, who also make my favorite lip treatment.



It's a pretty badass multi-use facial bar, and would be friggin' perfect for those of you who are low maintenance, normal to dry, or love natural products. Here are the ingredients, which are also 99% organic:

Theobroma Grandiflorum (Cupuacu Seed Butter)*, Theobroma Cacao (Cocoa Butter)*, Calophyllum Inophyllum (Tamanu Oil)*, Organic Cocos Nucifera (Virgin Coconut Oil)*, Vitamin E - Tocopherol

You can normally snatch this mofo up for $40.

BUT TODAY ONLY (I'm pretending I'm in a local car commercial. Just let my ass.) you can use the coupon code JULY50 to get A 50% DISCOUNT. ON EFFIN ANYTHING. So go save that money, honey.

TODAY ONLY. TODAY. TODA. TOD. TO. T. Okay, I'm done. And I ran out of letters.





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Deal O' Zee Day With Dr. Dennis Gross and QVC

Watch this short video of my ass (not actual ass shots included, and you're welcome) telling you how to use QVC's Today's Special Value, which includes one of my favorite prods of the year, from Dr. Dennis Gross.



After you are finished watching my amazingly informative mini tutorial, go snatch this sh*t up from QVC here. It's for today only, and you're saving roughly one trillion (not an exact figure) dollars.

If you want to find out more about the science of the different Dr. G products and how they all work, get all that good good  info here.



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Exfolimate: The Weirdest Sh*t I've Ever Fallen In Love With

look at this b. just plastic and metal, but so badass.

The mates from Exolimate (duh, they're Australian) sent over a kit of their face and body exfoliators to me a couple of weeks ago. When I opened it, I was all, "What the eff is this effery???" I was expecting to find some sponge, or something, when I pulled out these plastic/metal things that looked like they would spread wallpaper paste.

exfolimate, $39.95 for set with face and body

Here's how this mess works -- while showering, you hold it at a 90 degree angle from your wet skin, and apply light pressure as you drag it across the skin's surface. If my description was too sh*tty for you, here's the official rules. You get the idea. It's really easy. I wasn't really expecting much from doing this. But, weirdly, this ish WORKS REALLY, REALLY WELL.

 

I'm mostly crushing on the face one, because it makes your skin feel crazy soft and it's so fast to use. The body one is also pretty boss, but it's a lot more time consuming (no doy) so I use it less. My laziness is well-documented. I'm about that life.

You can get a set for your own self by checking it out here.






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Random Homie: Skin Authority VitaD Fortified Illuminating Duo

skin authority vita d fortified illuminating duo, $79

I recently read an article (Shut up, I sometimes do crap like that.), that said a huge amount of Americans are Vitamin D deficient. And I'm Maury style -- 99.9% sure -- that I am one of those b's, because this is me:

Yeah, I hate being outside. And the sun. And the whole smell of outside, especially the smell of people when they've been outside, and then they come inside and smell weird. It's gross. So that's why I jumped at the chance to try Skin Authority's VitaD Fortified Illuminating Duo when they asked if I wanted to sample it. This kit is super cool, and different than anything on the market, because it consists of topical and supplemental treatments. Here's a little info on the system.



I really love this crap, because IT'S SO FRIGGIN' EASY. The topical elixir is my damn jam because it's not oily -- at all. Yeeaaaas. Finally, a topical treatment that does something badass and doesn't make my face a disgusting oil slick. The supplement is a powder in a shaker, so you just sprinkle it on your food. Vitamin D needs fat for your body to use it, so the shaker is a perfect way to just add it to your food and your body to actually absorb it (or whatever).

Since I've started using these little numbers, I feel like my skin definitely looks brighter and more clear. Plus, in one of my college classes we had a nutrition expert tell us that most vitamin pills can't be broken down in the body, and you just (you know) them out. So I feel like the powdered vitamins are the way to go. And don't worry, you can't taste that ish. Sprinkle it up, b's!

I love that cat so much. He's such an a-hole. I know that this kit is on the spendy side, but if you really are Vitamin D deficient, then this ish needs to be your new boo thang. Check out more deets on the Skin Authority VitaD Fortified Illuminating Duo here.



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Random Homies: SeabuckWonders Sea Buckthorn Beauty Prods

seabuckwonders sea buckthorn body lotion ($14.97) & exfoliating facial cleanser ($16.97)

You guys remember (or don't) that I already touted the benefits of SeabuckWonders and sea buckthorn supplements. Ish is real, real good. And because I was so way into the supplements, I had the SeabuckWonders people send me some of their beauty products to try. And friggin' surprise, surprise (not) they were pretty damn great, too.

Before I start talking about the SeabuckWonders Sea Buckthorn Body Lotion ($14.97), I have to preface it with my whole deal about body lotion, in general. I pretty much hate the ish. It ends up drying to a weird, sticky, film on my skin, that is most reminiscent of spiderwebs all up on me. Gross. So whenever I tell you b's that I'm into a body lotion, you know I much actually really like that mess. And I really like this stuff. Here's the good good on it:

With a potent infusion of Omega 3, 6, 9, and the powerful skin-healing Omega 7, SeabuckWonders Body Lotion provides nourishment with age-defying properties for soft, healthy skin.

I don't know sh*t about science, but I do know that Omega stuff is good for you. But before you start bathing in this ish, let me give you a wee bit of warning about any product with sea buckthorn in it -- it smells weird. It's not a flowery, fragrant smell. It's a supplement-y smell. BUT it goes away after a few minutes, and the benefits way outweigh a weird smell for a couple of fleeting moments.

Now let's talk about the SeabuckWonders Exfoliating Facial Cleanser ($16.97). I also have a weird thing with scrubby facial cleansers. Most of them are WAY too effin' harsh on your mug, man. Those super-gritty mofos will tear your ish up, and should be avoided. That's why I like this stuff. It's gentle, and it has all of the good-for-you junk.

Sea Buckthorn Facial Cleanser cleans skin gently, yet effectively, without stripping the skin of its natural oils. It exfoliates to remove dirt and impurities, while hydrating skin for a smooth, clear complexion. Unlike many other facial cleansers, SeabuckWonders Facial Cleanser is ideal for all skin types that will benefit from its remarkable nutritional properties, leaving skin feeling clean, balanced, and beautiful. This invigorating cleanser is an excellent first step in any skin care routine.

I also like to use it on my back and chest to exfoliate and keep my skin looking all noooiiiice. And the products aren't super spendy, so you can still get your freak on in other ways while nourishing yourself with those science-y Omegas.

Check out all of the SeabuckWonders beauty offerings here.




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Random Homie: Clearogen Acne Treatment

Writing skincare reviews is hard as hell, you guys. Errrbody up in here has different skin, so I can't win them all. And I am frequently sent skin products that I'm sure are friggin' amazing, but because of my old ass, acne-prone, oily, nast skin, they don't work for ME. And then I can't share them with YOU, because I don't write fake crap. So when the peeps at Clearogen sent me a set of their acne treatment system to try, I was not super sold on it. It's a three part deal, so I was all, "I've tried Proactive like TWO MILLION times. It doesn't work for me."

clearogen two month supply set, $75

But I tried it anyway. It consists of a foaming cleanser, toner (both of which have some salicylic acid), and a benzoyl peroxide lotion. Sounds pretty basic, I know, but crap works. When I use these boo boos every night (listen, I'm a lazy b, it doesn't ALWAYS happen) as directed, my skin is pretty much 100% clear. Which just typically isn't in the effing cards for me, people.

I even conducted a little experiment and sacrificed my own skin to see if it was really the Clearogen working. I intentionally would stop using it for a week, and see if there was a difference. There totally was. I would, within a few days, start getting those annoying ass tiny bumps across my forehead, and then start breaking out. I don't know how this ish works -- probably tiny elves, riding on unicorns, with magic wands that shoot rainbows. Or this:



Full disclosure -- I didn't watch that, but I'm sure it's very informative and scientific. Truth is, I don't even care how it works. I'm just glad it does. I'm sadly almost out of my sample set, so I will actually be purchasing this magical goodness soon. Which is saying a lot. I have roughly 92,384,032 beauty prods, so I rarely buy more stuff. It's got to be MAGICAL UNICORN STATUS to make me spend more money, and this stuff is.

Yep, that good. Find out more about Clearogen here. And learn about the science and such, if you must, smarty pants.

P.S. Lance Bass uses this stuff, so you know it's the good good. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO SPACE.

 

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Random Homie: Dr. Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Daily Face Peel in Original Formula

Dr. Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Face Peel, $15-$78

I know that it seems as if I'm always bitching about the sh*tiness of my skin, and I'm trying to get better about. Like, at least I have a face. But if my new BFFs from Dr. Dennis Gross keep sending me bomb ass products like the Alpha Beta Daily Face Peel, I might not even have to whine anymore. Let's get a quote from the man to see what this stuff is all about:

“This anti-aging product not only diminishes the appearance of wrinkles, but helps complexion problems, balances oil, tones skin, and increases clarity and radiance. Plus, it proves a daily, gentle approach can give superior results vs. a harsh approach. Like exercising daily is better than a long workout once a week, it’s better to treat your skin daily."  - Dr. Dennis Gross

Dammit, I have to workout more. But I can tell you, coming from the crappy skin queen, that this product made a big ol' difference on my mean, mean mug. I mostly noticed that the discoloration I had from old breakouts have waaaaay faded, and my skin just looks more clear. Plus, it feels soft as a kitten's butt. And if you're on a budget, Dr. Gross now offers a little mini pack of five treatments for $15. Not too shabby, yo'.

Oh, and if you're worried about the degree of difficulties on something that sounds semi-ominous, have no fears. YOU WIPE YOUR FACE, WAIT TWO MINUTES, AND WIPE WITH ANOTHER WIPE. You've got this, brain surgeons. Check out all of the peel goodness here.



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Random Homie: Dr. Dennis Gross Clarifying Colloidal Sulfur Mask

Clarifying Colloidal Sulfur Mask, $42

Who doesn't love a good face mask? (No, not like a Halloween deal-y, although those are pretty dope -- yep, I went there -- too. Except for the rubbery smell when you're wearing them. Not dope.) I've tried my fair share of the sulfur-based masks for acne skin, and I'm usually pretty friggin' "meh" over most of them. They can be overly-drying, or give you that red post-mask weird face thing, that kind of makes you look like you're just wearing a reddish mask upon your mug. So, when the Dr. Gross peeps sent me this mask to try, I was a little worried that it would be one of those culprits. But, no suh (that's my southern twang), it wasn't, to my delight. And better yet, my skin looks instantly cleaner and brighter after using this mask. But let's hear from the experts what it does:

A dermatologist formulated mask that clarifies the skin by absorbing excess oil and acne-causing bacteria. The advanced “time absorbent” formula works especially well when worn overnight.

I also tried it overnight, and it wasn't weird at all. But I feel like the ten minute job does everything it needs to just fine. You can also use it to spot treat blemishes, and it totally shrinks them. Even my big ass gross ones. The dispenser took some getting used to -- it's like a flat pump with a little hole thing that you just push down on to get the goodness out. I'm kind of a dumbass, so I was flipping that sh*t all around like an freaking baton to try to get the pump to work. The good thing is, you just need to leave that b upright and push down. Let me do all of the hard work for your ass, mmmmkay?

Check out the mask for yourself here.



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Random Homie: PureCeuticals Multi-Enzyme Pumpkin Peel

PureCeuticals Pumpkin Peel, $42

I don't mean to harp, but I have sh*tty skin. So whenever I find something that makes it feel or look better, I am on freakin' board, man. And I also like to try skin products multiple times before I give them my glowing endorsement. (See what I did there? I'm the worst.) PureCeuticals sent me some products to try a while back, and I feel totally and unabashedly in love (Can you tell I've been reading classics?)  with this Pumpkin Peel. I've used it probably four times, and it is awesome. It not only makes you feel like you rubbed Fall all over your damn face, but it makes my mug feel supa dupa soft. You only use it once a week, so although the price isn't cheap, it should last your ass a while. And all of the PureCeuticals products are free from:

• No Parabens
• No Sulphates
• Products not tested on animals
• No Petrochemicals
• Fragrance composed with 100% essential oils
• Environmentally Conscience

I love the tingle it gives me (my face, sicko), but if you have very sensitive skin, you might need to pass on this lil' baby. But oily, dry, norms, whatever peeps -- peel on, yo'! I just had a baby sample, so I'm about one more peel away from feeling like this:



Until I buy the big daddy...Then my face will once again have purpose.


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The Badass B List: Treat Yo' Self

Sometimes you just want to be a fancy ass b. AmIright? There are some beauty products that just make your ass FEEL like it's dripping in diamonds, like Little Edie when she was on the cusp of fame, with extra brooches and turbans.

And since I don't actually HAVE any brooches or turbans, I like to find luxurious products to make myself feel like a lady who lunches. (What does that even mean? Don't we all eat lunch? Do rich ladies eat lunch, but not dinner?)

One of the most luxurious beauty items, to me, are false lashes. I freaking love the look of lashes. The more I look like Flower from Bambi, the better. But I'm used to using the cheap drugstore $3 (tops) lashes. So when the people from Goddess Lashes sent me some to try, I almost died from excitement. These lashes are handmade and mink, and can be used up to TWENTY times. (I use my drugstore lashes half a time, usually.) From Goddess Lashes:

Goddess Mink Lashes are made from individually selected mink fur hair that have been harvested by the natural shedding process of live mink, no cruelty or harm to the animals. They have been sterilized to ensure a safe non- allergenic usage.

Awesome, right? They also come in embellished sets, with authentic Swarovski crystals, delicate gold studs and fresh water pearl ornaments. Here are the crystal pair:

How friggin' fun are these b's? And here are the basic signature lashes:

These are so natural and pretty. (So you think you're pretty. -Regina George) These puppies aren't cheap (they start at $150), but the quality and look of them are beyond gorgeous. And you can reuse the hell out of them, as long as you don't get all trashy and actually take care of them. (I'm totally looking in the mirror when I say that.) Go check out all of the varieties of lashes that Goddess Lashes makes, and get yo' fancy ass on!

How about super luxury for under $15??? These Tatcha Original Aburatorigami Japanese Blotting Papers are $12, and have mutha effin' GOLD FLAKES in them. Now, that's some fanciest of the fancy pants ish right there. You b's know that I have not been shy about sharing my skin's extreme oiliness. It's quite the quandary of my beauty life. Putting on makeup only to have it look a blotchy, muddy mess a few hours later, is one of the banes of my existence. So needless to say, my ass has to have blotting papers on my person at pretty much any moment of life. The thing that I really enjoy about the Tatcha blotting papers are how they leave a little moisture to your skin after you use them. You aren't left with a dry-as-a-bone face -- it feels more gentle than other blotting papers I have used. So if you are one of those combo faced ladies or gents, these would be your total homie for life.

Now let's all go drink a spot of tea together. Pinkies up, b faces!




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The Badass B List: Drugstore Cowboys

I have shared with you guys before that I'm a cheap ass b.  I love perusing the aisles of Target/CVS/Walgreens/Wherever the hell to see the newest drugstore wares available. I've been doing it since I was in college, which was roughly two years ago. (Shut up! I want to start lying about my age. I'm sick of being the Blanche of the group. I want to be the Brenda Walsh again. I want to go to Paris on Summer break!) Over all of these years I have found some old standby favorites, and have compiled them here for you.

Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Serum 

drugstore.com, $19.99

I effing adore this stuff. As a beauty blogger (hoity toity ass), it's kind of my deal to try out a lot of different skin care dealios. They don't always work for my skin, which results in crazy breakouts and a hot, hot mess of a face. My life is very glamorous. But, I can always count on this stuff to bring my face back to normalcy. It's a little pricey for a drugstore item, but it's very reasonable for a retinol. Trust. And retinols are great for acne as well as wrinkles, so another sweet thing about this formula is that it's a serum, and not paired with some heavy ass cream that won't work for oily skin.

Sally Hershberger Supreme Lift Root Boost & Heat Protect

drugstore.com, about $11

Have ya' heard? My hair is fine and flat. Meh. I've tried almost one billion (I counted) volumizing products, and I feel like this one works the best. I apply it only at the roots, because it takes away shine, like all volumizers tend to do. And the hair stylist used this on my hair when I was a fancy lady and got my hair cut at the Sally Hershberger salon in NYC. So that means one thing: It's good, y'all.

Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Castille Soap

target, $16.99 for a BIG ASS bottle

 I'm kind of a hippie. I'm one of those annoying people that tries to eat only organic food, buy my food from a local hippie market, blah, blah, blah. That ish does not really mix well with beauty products a lot of times. So whenever I can, I try to use more natural-ish stuff. Dr. Bronner's is pretty much as natural as you can get when it comes to soap. I use it as a body wash and a shaving cream, but apparently you can even use it for toothpaste and cleaning your house and crap -- too much work. A little goes a long way with this stuff, and the peppermint is refreshing as hell. Just make sure you avoid your eyes and no no spots with extreme care. There's peppermint oil in that thurrr bottle.

L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara

target, SPECIAL HOLIDAY DUAL PACK!!! $8.99

This. B*tch. Seriously, I love this mascara (almost) as much as I love cake. And I know I have shared my love before, but I have been trying a friggin' myriad of brands and formulas over the past several months, and I always seem to come back to Voluminous. I put it millimeters under my ride or die b's, Diorshow and Lancome Hypnose. Voluminous is just so damn rich and thick and makes it look like you have the lushest of lashes. AND it's not crunchy when it dries. (I hate that mess.)

Rembrandt Deeply White Toothpaste

drustore.com, about $6

This toothpaste is about twice the price of a tube of Crest, or whatever, but the whitening power is so much greater. I am not CRAZY about using a non-natural toothpaste (hippie, again), but sometimes my vain ass overpowers my brain. And when it does, I use this toothpaste. Because the ish works. Period.

Seche Vite Top Coat

CVS, $8.99

Once again, this is a little pricier than a cheapo polish top coat. BUT. This stuff is freaking amazing. It's very thick, but not in a hard-to-apply kind of way. It's more of an almost acrylic looking nail that you are left with. And it's a fast drying top coat, so you don't have to sit on your ass of three hours waiting for your nails to dry. (That part is completely optional.)

That's it, boo boos! Have you guys used any drugstore items that you can't live without? Share with a b! This ain't no one way street.

P.S. Maybe being Blanche isn't so bad.

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Random Homie: Skin Authority Daily Cleanser

Have I mentioned that my skin is total ish? Oh, yeah -- I have -- about 239,206 times. Yay! Because of this mess of a face, I have to be extremely careful about the products that I use. I first tried the Skin Authority Daily Cleanser when they sent me a travel sample several months ago. I was really into it, so I ended up buying the full size when I ran out. It's not cheap ($42 for 6 oz.), but a little bit of this stuff goes a loooong way. I have been using the tube for at least five months, and it still feels pretty much full. It also has a little bit of Glycolic Acid in it, so it really helps exfoliate and deeply clean the skin, which is EXACTLY what my grossness needs. When I use the Daily Cleanser with my Clarisonic, my face feels super crazy clean. And soft!

"I'm clean! I'm clean!"

I have tried other cleansers over the past months, but I just keep coming back to my ol' standby. The others just haven't been as good for me. So pretty much what I'm saying is, once you go to this dude, you never go back. (Or something else that rhymes more appropriately.)



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Random Homie: SeabuckWonders Sea Buckthorn Seed Oil

I'm going to be real with you right know. It's hard to write/review about a supplement. So when the nice SeabuckWonders people sent me supplements to try, I was excited. But while I was taking the SeabuckWonders Sea Buckthorn Seed Oil, (I took the softgels) I was really unsure how to review it. I'm no chemist, and I'm not super observant, so I'm probably the worst person to even be doing this mess. And also let me preface by saying that I have really bad skin. Like acne for almost 20 yrs kind of skin. Yeah, it's pretty friggin' awesome. And fun.

ANYWAY, while I was taking the supplement, I felt like my skin looked a lot better than normal. I wasn't breaking out, and I didn't have to wear as much foundation, which is like UNHEARD of for my horrid-ness. But I didn't really attribute it to the Sea Buckthorn, yet. (Remember? Not observant? Worst beauty blogger, ever?) Then after I ran out of the supplement, ish really went down. I totally broke out. Like insane breaking out. Like, I'm still dealing with the repercussions. (Yay!)

So, needless to say, I am going to buy ONE MILLION MORE BOTTLES of this stuff. I'm also trying the liquid on my face, mixing a few drops with my normal lotions/concoctions. I'll let you know how that experiment works out.

Oh, and if you think that I'm weird and don't want to listen to my crazy ass, Dr. Oz also featured these products and talked about how sea buckthorn has been shown to improve the appearance of skin, help with digestion, and possibly help b's lose weight. He totally said "b's." (No, he absolutely did not.) So read up on it, and see if you think I might be something cool for your life. See, I'm awkward as eff. I don't know how to do this. So let's finish this up by watching this adorableness.



Now, I'm going to slather myself in sea buckthorn. Good day to you all.




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What's The Deal With Argan Oil, Anyway? (Jerry Seinfeld Voice)

You seriously can't swing a dic...tionary (See what I did there?) without seeing something about how freakin' AMAZEBALLS (I'm using that ironically; I hate it.) Argan oil is for everything from your face to body to hair. I have used some kind of Argan oil product on my hair for probably the last five years, when Moroccan Oil shoved Biosilk to the curb. Oh, Biosilk...That mess was my jam FOR. EV. A.

But beyond that, I never really explored any other beauty products with Argan oil, or even really known what it was. I read a bunch about it on Wikipedia, then I promptly forgot it all. But I do remember that originally they harvested the nuts or whatever from goat poop. Enjoy that nugget (har, har) of knowledge.

If you don't remember this, ugggggh.

 It comes from the kernel (nut?) of the Argan tree, which kind of looks like a bigger version of Mr. Miyagi's Bonsai tree. Part of the process has to be done by hand, so that's probably why that ish is pretty expensive. So quit your bitching, unless you want to crack the nuts yourself.

pic via wikipedia

Okay, enough about real information. Let's get to the good good. I must confess, I haven't used Argan oil on my face. But I have been using Tarte's Maracuja Oil, that I got as part of a cosmetic set.

$46, QVC

It's not as thick as Argan oil, and mine is a little mini size that has a roller ball deal on the top, which is pretty bad as eff. But I have taken to using this stuff as a night time moisturizer, and I love it. My face feels ridic soft in the morning, and not super oily. Which is weird, because well, it's a friggin' oil.

Okay, back to the topic at hand, Argan oil. On my hunt for awesome products containing the ol' magical oil, I discovered that Kiehl's has a full line of Argan oil based products for both hair and body. And Kiehl's is obvi the bee's knees, so I harassed them until they let me try them. Just kidding -- they are totally nice, and did not file a restraining order -- yet.

For body lotions/oils, I fell hard for two products: the Superbly Restorative Argan Body Lotion ($38) and the Superbly Restorative Argan Dry Oil ($34).

I am usually a body oil kind of girl, and I don't mind a greasy one. (All of that sounded super inappropriate.) But this oil is absorbed quickly, and moisturizes the hell out ya skin. And the lotion is equally as fabulous. My main problem with lotion, generally, is that I feel like it just "sits" on top of my skin and feels filmy. But this leaves my skin feel soft and silky. And they both have a kind of citrusy, nutty, non-perfumey smell that I totally enjoy. I feel like even dudes could use these. I seriously can't choose which one I like more. Don't make me Sophie's Choice it up in this b.

For the hair situation, I also have found some badassery with Argan oil. For a super moisturizing hair masque,  Kiehl's Superbly Smoothing Argan Hair Pak ($25) is the business. It's not crazy heavy and oily, and it's silicone and paraben-free. I use it about once a week, and it makes my hair like butta.

I was also given an Argan oil leave-in to try, coming from a company that is new to me. It's called U LUXURY Argan Oil (about $48) from Unite Hair, and this has become my daily down a*s b. I like this more than the shall-remain-unnamed Argan oil that I have been using for about the past year, and even more than the original Moroccan Oil. It has yet to make my hair feel oily, or over-productized. (Listen, I know that that is not even close to being a word, but just go with it.) You know that feeling, when you've used too much crap in your hair? And you get that sinking feeling of "Oh, ish. I'm going to have to wash this mop all over again, aren't I?" Not with this lil' lady, you won't.

So what did we learn today? Rubbing nut juice all over your face, hair, and body is super good for it. ( SOMEONE STOP THESE WORDS FROM COMING FROM MY FINGERS. IT'S ALL TOO MUCH.) But seriously, Argan oil is friggin' boss, you guys. Even for this oily b. Do you guys have a favorite Argan (or other type of oil) product? TELL ME EVERYTHING.



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Unicorn Tears? I Don't Know How This Ish Works, But It's the Sauce.

I have been using something pretty damn fantastic for a while now, and I haven't said a word about it. I'm sh*tty, I know. But sometimes when it comes to skincare-type stuff, I do the whole "I need to really give this stuff a fair shake if I'm going to REALLY review it." That turns into using something for roughly 927429874 days and forgetting to even share with you b's. Yep, that's how I roll. I see a glitter eyeliner, and everything goes to hell in a friggin' hand basket.

image via Sephora

This is Cleansing Spa Water from Koh Gen Do, which can be purchased from Sephora. They sent me some to try, along with a description of what the deal is with this "water."

"It is made with the thermal water from Yumura Hot Springs in Izumo, Japan. Where pure water, rich with skin-absorbing nutrients, replenishes and rejuvenates as it cleanses. White Birch Sap, harvested only three weeks in early spring, contributes an abundance of minerals and xylitol as it lifts off makeup, oils and residue. No washing or rinsing required! Perfectly convenient for on-location makeup artists and busy on-the-go women. Oil-free. Alcohol-free. Safe for contact lens wearers.
Infused with six essential herbs to protect and nurture skin."

Sounds weird/like this mess is just vitamin water or something, right? Well lemme tell you something, this stuff is the cat's pajamas. I was using whatever pre-moistened cleansing/makeup remover wipes before these, and I always got some rashy-type business if I didn't wash my face right after. But I've been using this stuff for a couple of months now, and my skin is looking the best it's looked in a loooong time -- which isn't saying a whole lot, my skin sucks, but it's good for MY skin. (I'm also using some new skincare products but I'll get to that another time.) I like to wipe my makeup off my entire face with this stuff, then wash my face with my Clarisonic. It's friggin' boss, trust.

Oh, but the magic doesn't end there. I have also found ANOTHER new love of my life (I'm a w when it comes to this stuff. Don't you "no doy" me.) I begged the people at Mally Beauty to let me sample the Poreless Face Defender, and after much stalking, they allowed me to.

pic via Beauty.com

Let me be real with you, I have no idea how this stuff works. Here's what the Mally peeps have to say about it:


"Mally's Evercolor Poreless Face Defender is the perfect finishing touch for your makeup. This remarkable technology yields an utterly sheer, featherweight product that diffuses the look of pores, minimizes fine lines, and helps protect your makeup so it lasts from morning to night. Face Defender gives you that flawless matte finish without the dry, ashy look of powder. The result is silky smooth skin and longer-lasting makeup. It comes with a unique buffed-edge Japanese sponge."

It feels like a gel, but isn't sticky or anything on your face. And I don't get the muddiness that I always get a few hours after using a translucent powder with this stuff. One of my co-workers even said that I looked less oily after all day at work, and I hadn't blotted ONCE. (Which is some serious ish in my world.) There's also a video from Mally herself on how to use it. My only issue with the Face Defender is that the sponge doesn't have a little nook to go into in the compact. I've just kept the box it came with so far, but as soon as I spill water/perfume/tea in my purse (yes, that happens frequently), it's curtains on that b. If you want to try it for yourself, you can purchase on beauty.com for $40.

Okay, I'm done David Copperfielding your makeup bag for now. I'm no damn scientist (obviously), but I know the good good when I find it, and these two are magically delicious all up on yo' face!

pic via buzzfeed

Now it's back to business, hooligans!





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I Don't Know Much, But I Have Friends That Do: Skin Care Edition

One of my homeslices, Ginger Francis, is a bad ass medical aesthetician, so I called that b yesterday to get some tips on keeping your skin on point. And trust, I need all the help I can get. I have had skin issues for almost 20 years. I had horrible cystic acne in my teens, which has translated to occasional adult acne and scarring. Fun! It's a hot mess. So I got her to answer my biggest questions about aging, acne, and her favorite skin care products.

I first asked her what most people don't know about skin, and skin care. She says that your dead skin cells will just keep building up over time, making your skin dull and blah, if you don't do something about it. So exfoliation is very important, and you need to do it regularly. Think of exfoliation like it's working out, and think of the products that you use as your diet. You don't do 10 crunches, eat one salad, and have a six pack. You have to maintain that ish! Her best regimen recommendation for aging is: cleanser, toner (if you're oily), a vitamin c treatment, and some kind of retinol (like Retin-A). Retinols help to get rid of those old, ugly skin cells.

She says that vitamin c will brighten the skin, and give a youthful glow. Sounds good, right? My old a needs all the youth I can get. Here's her pick for a vitamin c treatment.

Obagi Professional-C Serum

Here's the cheap pick that I use. Don't ask me if it works. Hell if I know, but it's silky and not oily!

Avalon Organics Vitamin C Serum

Ginger also recommends using Retin-A daily. She says it's the most prescribed product/drug (whatever the hell you want to classify it as) for wrinkles AND acne. I have recently started back on the Retin-A train, although I have only been doing every other night in order to avoid peeling. (Ginger said I'm a baby and I should use it every night. Whatevs. )

On the nights that I don't use Retin-A, I've been using this retinol product from Neutrogena.

Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Serum

I've only been using it a couple of weeks, so we'll see if this is the business like I've been hearing for the past couple of months or not. But it's less than $20, and it's not oily, so I'm in for now.

Ginger says the one must-have for anti-aging is sunscreen, hands down. She says even if you are exfoliating and all that jazz, you will just keep damaging skin cells without sunscreen. Her favorite is ClearChoice Sport Shield Anti-Aging SPF 45 Sunscreen.

So how about all of the mess that we do wrong??? First off, stop using a wash cloth on your face. It's too harsh and can break down collagen. And be careful with waxing your eyebrows! Pulling on the skin can damage it, as well. Try threading for more of a gentle hair removal technique. 

If acne is an issue, Ginger recommends keep your routine simple; don't change products constantly, it can just inflame the skin even more. And most importantly, keep your hands OFF your face! As far as products go, she likes the Obagi Clenziderm Pore Therapy for oily skin, and the Obagi Clenziderm Therapeutic Lotion for dry skin.

And her favorite drugstore skin care product? She swears by Palmer's Skin Success Complexion Soap.

She hoards it, so go buy some before she buys every bar in existence!

Wow, that's a lot of information. I don't know that my tiny little brain can hardly handle it all. Do you guys have any specific skin care questions? I don't know much, but I can call people. I'm talented that way.

Now let's all get glowy together! (Or as much as my terrible skin will allow...)

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Lose the Scaly Skin: The Best Heavy Duty Body Moisturizers

I love a good greased-up appendage. (Not like that, sick brain!) I have always preferred a crazy, super-heavy, moisturizing body lotion/oil/greasy fun product. It's my mom's fault. When I was a kid, she was constantly slathering on her Nivea body lotion (not to mention tanning oil), and let me tell you, that b had the softest skin EVA! Over the years, I have developed my own beauty list of my favorites, and now I am here to share them with my homegirls!

First up is Nivea Creme. It is SER-I-OUS. I poo poo you not. I started using this mess in high school, so it's my O.G. (That's Original Gansta for you youngins.) jam. It makes your skin really shiny, which I really love! It's around $8 at your local general store. (Like the old west!)

Ugh, you guys. Cocoa butter isn't just for pregnant chicks' bellies anymore. I LOVE cocoa butter. Especially Palmer's. It's so rich and creamy and ridiculously moisturizing. And is SMELLS LIKE CHOCOLATE. Need I say more? CHOCOLATE! This badass b is around $5, and you can pretty much snag it anywhere. (I mean probably not Hot Topic or anything, but you get my point.)

P.S. Store it upside down so you can get it out more easily! See, I'm helpful!

Palmer's is the Thelma to my Louise, but I did find another cocoa butter that I'm kind of into. I was at Target, and I wanted some cocoa butter (shocker) and the Boot's Cocoa Butter Body Butter was on sale for $8.50 (It's usually $9.99) so I picked it up. Sadly, when I got it home and opened it, I saw that somebody had stuck their grubby little paws all up in my Kool Aid. There were finger drag marks galore. Gross. And I had already thrown out my receipt. What's a nasty girl to do? USE THAT ISH! And you know what? I don't regret it. My legs are so soft right now, that it's worth the risk of Scabies and Typhoid Fever (Oregon Trail style).

Now hang on a second. I know you're going to think that I'm crazy. I like to use coconut oil as a body lotion. Slightly unconventional? Maybe. But it worked so well as a hair mask that I thought I would try it as a moisturizer. I liked that ish! Yes, it's oily. But it absorbs into the skin after a couple of minute, so hang on hussy! You can buy coconut oil at specialty grocery and health food stores. It has a bajillion (I counted.) uses!

That's it my squishy, oiled-up minxes! Do you guys like to grease yourself up like you're about to jump into kiddie pool with another chick? Or are you more of a tame, lightly moisturized lady? Let's talk.


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