Pop Culture Beauty School: The 15 Beauty Lessons We Learned From Sex And The City

Like many pop culture gems worth their salt, Sex and the City had some freaking fantastic beauty moments. Like Carrie's hair. And Carrie's hair. And when Samantha shaved her head after chemo treatments, and that hot bia Smith followed suit. That was a real sacrifice; dude had some magical-ass hair. 

But even beyond that, SATC gave us actual teachable beauty lessons -- times you could say, "Shit, I FEEL that." Here are my favorite 15.

1. It may take a minute to find a good look for yourself. 

(Season 1, Episode 1)

 

Hopefully, you've already gleaned this nugget of beauty information from me, but if you haven't, I think this photo collage alone allows me to rest my case, Your Honor. Your pilot look usually sucks, even in life.

2. Don't stay up doing shady shit all night when you're shooting a cover story for NEW YORK EFFING MAGAZINE the next day. (Season 2, Episode 4)

In this case, Carrie should have used her own GD advice and taken a Nap(a). And maybe time-traveled to 2015 and used a really hydrating sheet mask? Yes, that's a question mark.

3. Instead of having "the talk" with your (maybe) boyfriend, just leave your tampons and a brush there. (Season 2, Episode 11)

Talking sucks; let your girly shit do the speaking.

4. Hair plugs are scary. (Season 2, Episode 11)

Have these things improved with time? Help me, Bosley Medical.

5. Let your boob flag fly, you total Char. 

(Season 3, Episode 3)

Charlotte was super uptight about showing her bawdy, but once she was actually naked, everyone was like, "Uhh...nice rack." So, quit being all uncool. Okay?

6. Getting your hootenanny waxed is probably horrible. 

(Season 3, Episode 14)

 I, admittedly, have never done this. I attempted to begin an at-home wax once, and it was the worst and I got a shitty rash. HARD PASS on the real thing.

7. Braces are a real bitch. (Season 3, Episode 15)

It doesn't matter if you're 14 or 40, having metal in your mouth is not NEARLY as fun as flattening a paperclip and pretending it's a retainer. Futuristic mouth transplants, where you at?

8. Keep some flip flops, or some type of shit, in your bag. 

(Season 3, Episode 17)

Carrie was foot-mugged on the dirty-ass streets of New York, and we couldn't help but wonder: would you rather a), keep some simple type of footwear in your bag for emergencies; or b), have Britney-barefoot-in-a-Starbucks feet? Choose your own adventure.

9. Heidi Klum ain't all that. (Season 4, Episode 2)

JK, JK; she totally is. And, also, if Dolce & Gabbana tell you to put on bedazzled underwear and get to stepping, you do it?

Then you fall on your a-hole. And it's fine.

10. Fake nips are an actual thing. (Season 4, Episode 6)

I have nothing else to say about this. I just wanted you to know that they exist.

11. Dudes really like deodorant. (Season 4, Episode 13)

Carrie found hoarder-levels of antiperspirant in Aidan's man stuff, and I have found similar things around my own house. This makes me ask -- Dudes, why you so obsessed with deodorant?

12. Sarcasm Report: If you want to look whorey, get some volume in your hair and define your eyebrows. 

(Season 5, Episode 3)

Charlotte went to Atlantic City with the other girls of SATC, and decided to slip into a shiny freakum dress and v, v solid hair and makeup. She was trying to look slutty, and I LIKED IT A LOT. Buy some eyeliner, Charlotte York. It's not just for sluts anymore! (Can that please be a tagline for a cosmetics ad?)

13. Face peels will peel your face. (Season 5, Episode 5)

Samantha got a peel, and looked a hot and bloody mess, as one is wont-ish to look. It is my one great hope that they put raspberry jelly all over Kim Cattrall's face to film these scenes, like they do with pretend newborns in movies, who are actually like 28 months old.

14. If you have a cystic zit, LEAVE IT THE HELL ALONE.

 (Season 5, Episode 7)

Carrie had a big-ass zit. On a dirty-ass train. If you find yourself in that exact situation, just leave it alone and slap a sulfur-y mud mask on your face. Not all zits are meant to be popped. (I know, I know. Don't pop anything. Boring.)

15. Don't dye your pubes with hair dye. Please. 

(Season 6A, Episode 12)

Samantha found a gray pube and decided to try to get the carpet to match the drapes, but ended up with clown wig shrubs. If you REALLY want to dye your bathing suit area, that's cool. Just use that actual dye for that actual area. Or maybe wear a merkin! People don't wear merkins enough these days.

What was your biggest beauty learnin' from Sex and the City? And are you currently wearing a merkin? Plz respond.

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GUUUUUURL of the Day: That B, Sandy

Update: Sandy really is a b*tch. I hope all of the NYC-er's are safe and sound. It looks scary as hell up there! I'm thinking about you, boos.

pic via nydailynews

Hurricanes are a mutha effin' pain in the ass, aren't they? I've lived in FL my entire life, so trust, I know. And this Sandy trick is no joke. So all of you people in her path be careful, you hear me? Everytime I hear Hurricane Sandy, I picture this in my head:

For those of you that are under 30, you probably don't recognize this Sandy. This is Sandy Duncan, actress of the 80's and before, that I had always known to have a glass eye. It was a much talked about/fodder for annoying 80's comics kind of deal. WHICH I found out when researching just now (Shut up. I read ish sometimes.) ISN'T EVEN TRUE. She is blind in one eye, but that puppy is au naturale. I feel like my childhood was a lie.

I know Sandy Duncan from the show Valerie, which became the show Valorie's Family: The Hogans, which became The Hogans. Damn, that's a torrid show title history. But really, I remember the show because it starred Jason Bateman as one of the sons.

That's him, on the left.

When Jason Bateman's career had an initial resurgence a few years ago, I was like, "That's the dude from the show with the lady with the glass eye!"



Wow. The 80's were a helluva thing, weren't they?

P.S. You don't have to thank me for spending precious minutes of your life with this rambling, nonsensical mess. Sandy's (the hurricane) is a b face. I'm done.


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I Don't Know Much, But I Have Friends That Do: Skin Care Edition

One of my homeslices, Ginger Francis, is a bad ass medical aesthetician, so I called that b yesterday to get some tips on keeping your skin on point. And trust, I need all the help I can get. I have had skin issues for almost 20 years. I had horrible cystic acne in my teens, which has translated to occasional adult acne and scarring. Fun! It's a hot mess. So I got her to answer my biggest questions about aging, acne, and her favorite skin care products.

I first asked her what most people don't know about skin, and skin care. She says that your dead skin cells will just keep building up over time, making your skin dull and blah, if you don't do something about it. So exfoliation is very important, and you need to do it regularly. Think of exfoliation like it's working out, and think of the products that you use as your diet. You don't do 10 crunches, eat one salad, and have a six pack. You have to maintain that ish! Her best regimen recommendation for aging is: cleanser, toner (if you're oily), a vitamin c treatment, and some kind of retinol (like Retin-A). Retinols help to get rid of those old, ugly skin cells.

She says that vitamin c will brighten the skin, and give a youthful glow. Sounds good, right? My old a needs all the youth I can get. Here's her pick for a vitamin c treatment.

Obagi Professional-C Serum

Here's the cheap pick that I use. Don't ask me if it works. Hell if I know, but it's silky and not oily!

Avalon Organics Vitamin C Serum

Ginger also recommends using Retin-A daily. She says it's the most prescribed product/drug (whatever the hell you want to classify it as) for wrinkles AND acne. I have recently started back on the Retin-A train, although I have only been doing every other night in order to avoid peeling. (Ginger said I'm a baby and I should use it every night. Whatevs. )

On the nights that I don't use Retin-A, I've been using this retinol product from Neutrogena.

Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Serum

I've only been using it a couple of weeks, so we'll see if this is the business like I've been hearing for the past couple of months or not. But it's less than $20, and it's not oily, so I'm in for now.

Ginger says the one must-have for anti-aging is sunscreen, hands down. She says even if you are exfoliating and all that jazz, you will just keep damaging skin cells without sunscreen. Her favorite is ClearChoice Sport Shield Anti-Aging SPF 45 Sunscreen.

So how about all of the mess that we do wrong??? First off, stop using a wash cloth on your face. It's too harsh and can break down collagen. And be careful with waxing your eyebrows! Pulling on the skin can damage it, as well. Try threading for more of a gentle hair removal technique. 

If acne is an issue, Ginger recommends keep your routine simple; don't change products constantly, it can just inflame the skin even more. And most importantly, keep your hands OFF your face! As far as products go, she likes the Obagi Clenziderm Pore Therapy for oily skin, and the Obagi Clenziderm Therapeutic Lotion for dry skin.

And her favorite drugstore skin care product? She swears by Palmer's Skin Success Complexion Soap.

She hoards it, so go buy some before she buys every bar in existence!

Wow, that's a lot of information. I don't know that my tiny little brain can hardly handle it all. Do you guys have any specific skin care questions? I don't know much, but I can call people. I'm talented that way.

Now let's all get glowy together! (Or as much as my terrible skin will allow...)

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The Beauty Bucket List: Girly Crap to Master Before You Die!

*This post is totally not endorsed by Jack Nicholson or Morgan Freeman. They do NOT approve.

#1  How to rock a winged eyeliner and a red lip.

You're probably thinking, "But I don't know HOW to put on liquid eyeliner! That ish is crazy hard! What am I? An alien princess? And red lipstick? That mess looks turrrrible on my skin tone!" Number one, maybe you are an alien. I don't know your life like that. Number two, you are not yet dead, because you are currently reading this. So you have time to master the liquid! Once you get the hang of it, you're golden. Trust. I even made a video on it a while ago to get you started!



As far as red lipstick goes, there is a shade for EVERYONE. Go see your local, friendly makeup artist if you need help finding a shade, mmmkay? This is a timeless look, and takes about 30 seconds to acheive. It will instantly add a big ol' pinch of glamour to your life!


#2  How to masterfully walk in heels.

I don't care if you are more of a flats girl, a flip flop girl, or even a kitten heel (I just threw up in my mouth a little.) kind of lady, you need to know how to walk easily in a high heel. You never know where your life might take you! What if you are kidnapped by a crazy shiek and forced into an international beauty pagaent? What if Courtney Stodden gets remarried next year, and she has chosen you to be a bridesmaid? You can't turn that train wreck down just beacuse of your baby fawn-like wobbly ankles! Seriously, learn this. Mandatory.

#3  Figure out what style of jeans look best on YOUR body.

We all know that jeans are a warbrobe staple. You can wear them while you eat Cheetos on the couch, and use them to double as a denim napkin. You can wear them for a w'y (Do you get where I'm going here?) night out on the town, and when you wake up in a park or whatever you won't look THAT out of place. (Yikes, that sounds like a case for Olivia Benson.) Whatever, they are versatile.

BUT, not every style of jeans look great on everyone. But I promise you that there is a style that will make your butt look the best and your legs longer. Just because something is trendy at the time, doesn't mean it will work for you. Think about Jennifer Anniston for a sec. Do you recall ever seeing her in skinny jeans? I don't. She almost exclusively wears bootcut denim, and looks really hot in them. Case closed.

#4  How to accessorize the mess out of a super plain outfit.

There's a reason why things like the little black dress and jeans and a tank are popular. It's because they are ridiculously easy to wear and can be styled in a million different ways! Now the only issue that you have is how to make the most out of these plain outfits. Necklaces, earrings, belts, scarves, blazers and jackets will save your style in these cases. Even when you are low on fund-age, you can make your wardrobe work (make, make it work) by using what you already have in your closet look new every third day.

#5  Know how to dye your own hair (in a pinch).

Now, obvs the pros do this ish way better. But in an extreme roots/botched color job emergency, we all need to know how to fix that sitch. Once again on this one, once you get the hang of it, it's super easy. Just don't get too cray cray if you are very inexperienced. You will look a hot mess. The first time I dyed my own hair, I looked just like Carrot Top (with less eyeliner).


#6  Come to terms with your flaws, and work the hell out of your assets.

We are our own biggest critics, duh. Trust me, I know all of my flaws dearly and intimately. Have I accepted them? Oh hell no. My skin, my legs, my nose, my teeth, we could be here all day. We can't have it all! (A dermatologist once told me that when I asked him if my skin would ever look good. Yay! Thanks for the pep talk!) So, obviously, I'm still really working on this one.

BUT, we all also have some amazing assets. I like my eyebrows...Maybe you have great legs! Or lips! Or boobs! Or hair! Whatever your amazingness may be, focus on it and highlight it to the best of your ability.

What do you guys think should be on the beauty bucket list? What do you want to learn/do before you kick it? Pin It