Allure Insiders Outrageous Beauty: The "Million Dollar Facial"

Who's ready to get fancy up in here? Today I've got TWO Outrageous Beauty facial videos coming out for Allure Insiders. The first one is dubbed the "Million Dollar Facial," and involves tons of fancy pants stuff like a diamond microdermabrasion and a 24k face mask. I've never felt less garbage heap-y than I did after these treatments. (And you know that's saying a lot coming from me.)

Check it out if you're feeling extravagant. Or luxurious. Or lavish. I'll post the Fall-centric facial number two in a few hours, so keep those eyeballs peeled. You know, or just check back.




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Quick Sh*t: Met Gala Roundup

The Met Gala/Met Ball/whatevs was last night, and people got all fancy as eff and walked around being important and ish. Here are some quick highlights. 

As per ush, J Law was the HBIC.

via vulture

And Marion Cotillard and Lena Dunham thought that ish was friggin' funny. SJP's badass head f*ckery blocked her peripheral vision, and homegirl missed the whole thing.

This person was there and claimed to be Zooey Deschanel. Who dat? But f'real, without bangs boo boo has 50's housewife mop commercial face.

Miley Cyrus needs to stop the insanity, and Susan Powter needs to sue this b for copyright infringement.

Her look is getting bitten WAAAAY hard. (Sorry young people, google it.)

There were a lot of other b faces that looked awesome, and a ton of people that looked half sh*tty, but I don't care enough to talk about their asses.

I SAID QUICK.




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Random Homie: Violent Eyes

Do you ever just want to look like a badass b in, like, 2 minutes? Then, sister friend, do I EVER have the product for your ass. This is also for those people that are all, "I CAN'T DO A DAMN CAT EYE, MOFO. MY DRAWING SKILLS DON'T SWING THAT WAY." (They talk in all caps, because they're mad that they can't look cool.)

Violent Eyes in Violet Glitterati, $9.99 for set

Meet Violent Eyes, from the makers of Violent Lips, those crazy ass/awesome temporary lip tattoos. There are a bunch of different color variations, from black glitter to Union Jack, for premiere night of Downton Abbey. (Obviously. Dowager Countess would totally approve.) They are really easy to apply. You just need a wet cotton swab (sounds kinky) to get these puppies to stick. It really takes just a couple of minutes from start to finish. And if you are applying these to your baby (totally not approved), you can trim the inner part to fit your eye.

I chose the most Amy Winehouse-ish shape (RIP, boo!) to try. Isn't this ish grand? And removal was really easy. I first tried to kind of pick at it, to see what kind of staying power they would have. Yeah, that didn't work. They didn't budge. So I took another cotton swab, and put olive oil on it, and rubbed it over the area. I could then pull it right off. If you are a fancy ass fancy person, you could also use an oil-based makeup remover. But we don't use that mess around these parts, ya' hear? I am totally co-signing on these beasts. They make me feel fancy as hell.

via nuncasabemejor

On that note, I bid you "Good day!" sir. Go check out your endless possibilities for a fancy eyeball feast here.



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The Badass B List: Treat Yo' Self

Sometimes you just want to be a fancy ass b. AmIright? There are some beauty products that just make your ass FEEL like it's dripping in diamonds, like Little Edie when she was on the cusp of fame, with extra brooches and turbans.

And since I don't actually HAVE any brooches or turbans, I like to find luxurious products to make myself feel like a lady who lunches. (What does that even mean? Don't we all eat lunch? Do rich ladies eat lunch, but not dinner?)

One of the most luxurious beauty items, to me, are false lashes. I freaking love the look of lashes. The more I look like Flower from Bambi, the better. But I'm used to using the cheap drugstore $3 (tops) lashes. So when the people from Goddess Lashes sent me some to try, I almost died from excitement. These lashes are handmade and mink, and can be used up to TWENTY times. (I use my drugstore lashes half a time, usually.) From Goddess Lashes:

Goddess Mink Lashes are made from individually selected mink fur hair that have been harvested by the natural shedding process of live mink, no cruelty or harm to the animals. They have been sterilized to ensure a safe non- allergenic usage.

Awesome, right? They also come in embellished sets, with authentic Swarovski crystals, delicate gold studs and fresh water pearl ornaments. Here are the crystal pair:

How friggin' fun are these b's? And here are the basic signature lashes:

These are so natural and pretty. (So you think you're pretty. -Regina George) These puppies aren't cheap (they start at $150), but the quality and look of them are beyond gorgeous. And you can reuse the hell out of them, as long as you don't get all trashy and actually take care of them. (I'm totally looking in the mirror when I say that.) Go check out all of the varieties of lashes that Goddess Lashes makes, and get yo' fancy ass on!

How about super luxury for under $15??? These Tatcha Original Aburatorigami Japanese Blotting Papers are $12, and have mutha effin' GOLD FLAKES in them. Now, that's some fanciest of the fancy pants ish right there. You b's know that I have not been shy about sharing my skin's extreme oiliness. It's quite the quandary of my beauty life. Putting on makeup only to have it look a blotchy, muddy mess a few hours later, is one of the banes of my existence. So needless to say, my ass has to have blotting papers on my person at pretty much any moment of life. The thing that I really enjoy about the Tatcha blotting papers are how they leave a little moisture to your skin after you use them. You aren't left with a dry-as-a-bone face -- it feels more gentle than other blotting papers I have used. So if you are one of those combo faced ladies or gents, these would be your total homie for life.

Now let's all go drink a spot of tea together. Pinkies up, b faces!




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