The Shade Of It All: The Kat Von D Shade + Light Eye Contour Palette

I have a confession -- I'm a sucka-ass sucka for a matte eyeshadow palette. Call me a basic bitch if you wish, but it's just my comfort zone. It's like sweatpants for my eyelids.

So, when the Kat Von D Shade + Light Eye Contour Palette came out a while ago, my brain got all tingly over that shit. It was like finding a pair of sweatpants that cup your butt cheeks just so. I wanted it. I needed it. I was a little too poor to buy it. But then I said eff this life and caved like woah. I'm more irresponsible with money than Lilo. ALLEGEDLY.

Side note: I've been watching an ungodly amount of RuPaul's Drag Race over the past week, so prepare your eyeballs for an onslaught of draggy gifs. Christmas (or Hanukkah or Shannen Doherty's birthday) came early this year.

This palette consists of twelve matte shadows. There are three bigguns on top, which are meant to be base colors. I only use the far left one as a base, because as you can see on the swatches, it's basically my skin. The others I use for blending, but do whatever works for you. I don't know your skin tone, honey.

The shadows are broken up into sections of neutrals (left), cools (center), and warms (right). It also comes with a little guide book deal, telling you how to achieve the look you want to work. I ignored it, because ain't nobody going to tell me nothing. I just want to slap some shit on my eyeballs.

I did some really quick and dirty looks using each section of shadows, starting with the warms.

These shadows are probably my favorite, because I'm just a warm person. (don't get sassy) The shadows are so pigmented and smooth that they're almost creamy (sorry).

I threw these shadows on the day that I bought the palette, and I hadn't even washed my face, so don't look for perfection here. I think you know better than that anyway.

The next day I played around with the cools.

Cool tones are kind of my least favorite in general, just because I prefer warm stuffs, but I actually ended up really liking these. That dark gray is really nice, because it has kind of a brown-y base instead of a blue. I'm pretty, pretty into it.

For the neutrals, I just added to the existing cool eye, so it's a little bit of a hot mess, but you can get the smokey gist of it. Excuse my damn beauty.

My least favorite shadow of the whole palette ended up being the dark neutral brown, just because it kind of had an assload of fallout. Not enough to keep me from using it ever, just something to keep in mind.

Bottom line, because I know you just said "eff it" and looked at the gifs, I really love this palette, just like every other KVD thing I've ever owned. Just add it to the pile, baby. Speaking of piles of product, I have to go wash all this schmutz off my face. I need to triple wash, like a bag of baby spinach.

Pin It

My New Favorite Lip Homies

I have pretty major issues when it comes to hoarding lip stuff. I've got balms, glosses, lipsticks, chapsticks, not to mention other lip things that I'm not even sure what they do, stashed like friggin' contraband all around every area of my life. (I almost said every orifice, but no, that's too far. Even for me.)

But you know what I don't have? A MF-ing gangster lip serum. You know why? Because I've never heard of one. Not to mention one for an old and sad sack set of lips like mine. Enter Murad Rapid Collagen Infusion for Lips ($24), stage right.

Murad sent me these angel tears shoved sweetly into a plummy tube about a week ago, and I am hooked on this stuff. It gives your lips a plump and pillowy feel, but IT'S NOT THAT CHEAP-ASS STINGING TRICK. We're onto you, stingy lip shit. This is all about moisture and straight-up science. (I'm guessing.) This is what Murad says:

"Instantly smooths and hydrates for an ideal base under lipstick, gloss or balm. Simultaneously boosts micro-circulation for plumper, fuller lips while working over time to reduce the appearance of vertical lip lines and wrinkles" 

MICRO-CIRCULATION. That is more science-y than Mr. Wizard (RIP).

Another perfect usage of this serum (!!!) is as a base for matte lipsticks. It just erases any weird and unfortunate drying and discomfort issues that you might typically have with lip stuff that's on the matte-y end of the spectrum. Also, that sounded like a Summer's Eve commercial, and for that, I deeply apologize.

But it does bring me to my next current favorites, more ColourPop Lippie Stix.

I already bought a couple of the Lippie Stix a while ago, and I decided that I needed to get more, mostly because they're FIVE GD DOLLARS and I really love the formula. This time around, I decided to do the deed with Frida, Dalia and Cookie.

Lordt, do I love these Lippie Stix. They're just easy. You can use the edge of the stick as more of a lip-lining-tool-deal, and they aren't too big and cumbersome to work with, which is nice when you're using a bold/bright/whatever lip color. They're just an all-around damn delight.

So as long as these puppies are $5, I'll be like:

(But, only like five times, because times. Because it's only five dollar bills.)




Pin It

We Can All Reaffirm Our Love For Jon Hamm, As He Pretty Much Says That The Biebs Is Terrible.

via men's fitness

Our sexy as eff boyfriend Jon Hamm has a cover spread (heh) for Men's Fitness this month, and it sadly doesn't feature his very best asset. But, he totally made up for it when he slayed Bieber's ass in the interview with the magazine. Via Buzzfeed:

“Look at Bieber or whoever. You’re like, ‘What the f**k, man? What are you doing? Why?’ There’s no one telling those people no, and it’s a shame. [He should have] a mom or a dad or a really good friend who can say, ‘Hey, sh**head!’ You see people in the world and you’re like, ‘Do you know how a washing machine works? Do you know how to wash a dish? Life skills are something we’re missing… just s**t you needed to learn in life. There used to be a class that kids had to take in high school called home economics, which was cooking and sewing and just s**t you needed to learn in life.”

Jon sounds like a straight up crotchety old man, and I'm about that life. Put on a Mr. Rogers sweater and let's get bout it bout it. Okay, this is getting gross. BUT LEARN HOW TO WASH A DAMN DISH, JB. LEARN IT. Jon Hamm and I stand in a united front, as usual. Except for the time that he said to stop talking about his man area. Non-united with that shit. I'll probably start a MySpace page for it. So THERE, Jon Hamm. I TALK ABOUT WHAT I WANT.

I'm sorry I'm so yell-y. I had one drink. You can see why everyone hates me.






Pin It

If You Only Watch One Internet Video This Week, Make It This One - Seth Rogen And James Franco Recreate That "Bound 2" Kimye Vid

Warning: There's an eff in this, and lots of squinching and man racks. In other words, it's perfect.



This sh*t is absolutely flawless, and I won't eff it up with too much commentary.

You win, boys. You win.





Pin It

My Latest Non-Beauty Tenderonis

I know that I'm usually up your asses with beauty this and beauty that, so today I'm taking a break from that sh*t and talking about my current ride-or-die b*tches of the non-beauty world.

Bkr Water Bottle in Bambi

bkr water bottle in bambi, $28

You guys, I am OBSESSED with this damn water bottle. When the bkr (pronounced like beaker) people sent me one of their water bottles, this one is called Bambi, I didn't think I'd give an eff about it. I have roughly 34543580 water bottles, and I usually feel a big ass "meh" about them. I MEAN IT'S A WATER BOTTLE FOR EFF'S SAKE.

 But there something about this one that makes me use it every day. Maybe it's the fact that the mouth part is small like a plastic water bottle. Or that water just tastes good as f*ck from glass. Or that it's small, so it's not heavy. I don't know. But I love it. Get off me. And people are always weirdly complementing me on it. So, if you like strangers giving you random complements, this is the bout it, bout it bottle for your ass. Check the full color selection here.

Urbanears Zinken Headphones in Olive

urbanears zinken in olive, $99.90

Holy sh*t, man. These headphones are the HBICs. I've been wanting to try some DJ-style headphones for a while, but I never got around to getting any. So, when the Urbanears peeps sent these to me, I pretty much lost my damn mind. There are some ridiculously badass features on these little puppies, like: a socket that allows another set of headphones to plug into for music sharing (if you actually happen to like other people), they're collapsible, and there's a cool little microphone/remote thingy that has a button that will pause your music and pick up calls when it's plugged into your phone.

Like I said -- f*cking awesome. Oh, and you really and truly can't hear ish when you've got them on. So, if you love ignoring b's (Who doesn't?!?), they're perfection. Check out all the colors and such here.

All Cat Errrythang

So, this one is a little random, but I CAN'T STOP BUYING SH*T WITH CATS ON IT.

I know, I'm a grown ass woman, and I have a child's cat phone case. With effing ears on it. Jesus take the wheel, because my ass can't stop. And, sadly, this is just a fraction of the cat bullsh*t that I have.

But, at least I'm in hot company, because Olivia Wilde is into "PAWS" shirts, too. So take that, mofos!



Sonofab*tch, I forgot how bad Take That was. Slow snaps in the rain all around. Ugh. I just hate watched all 3:59 of that mess.

P.S. If you ever find yourself caught in a super-sexual rain storm, TAKE OF YOUR FUR HAT WITH FLAPS. That sh*t makes no kind of damn sense.






Pin It

PleaseBeRealPleaseBeRealPleaseBeReal. My Favorite Ne-Yo Cover of All Time.

I cannot get enough of this gentleman, whose name is apparently Jerome Smyle. (With a y, because he's sassy as eff.) I'm pretty sure that we're soul sisters, because we share all the same banging ass dance moves and clothing size from 579. 

Sh*t starts to get really hot in the video at the 1:10 mark, when the paddle turns and shoulder shimmies get on and poppin'. But my favorite part is at 1:35 when we completely lose track of Jerome and just look at the road scenery for a few seconds. My eyeballs glazed over for the next three minutes, but I was revived by the sexy ass penetrating gaze at the end.

If this effery is fake, I will lose my damn mind. But until then...

we dance.




Pin It