Just In Case Your Monday Sucked, Here's A Sleeping, Quacking Cat

I think I might need a cat, man. I've always been in the camp of "kittens are cute as shit, cats are kind of whatever," but cats are seeming pretty baller lately.

Take this little fluff muffin. Homie straight up HATES coughing, and doesn't care who knows it. I don't blame this cat. There's nothing worse than some rude bitch trying to ruin your sleep business with noise, when all you're trying to do is lie with a pair of balls. RUDE.

If that wasn't enough to wipe the Monday out of your brain, here's a cat with a mustache.

source

If that STILL didn't help, go eat some cheese or something. Cheese helps 90% of problems.



Especially night cheese. Do you.



Pin It

BREAKING NEWS: Adam Levine Now Has Gwen Stefani Hair

via AL's twitter

No, this ain't no hollaback girl, sadly, it's Adam Levine and his new head rug. Yeezus, take the wheel. After resting my eyeballs on this, I think that we can all now officially calm our tits on the great debate over whether Adam Levine is hot in a skeeze way or not. This cat's face speaks volumes on the "Would you still?" topic. You can just feel the "eff no" in the windows to his soul.

It seems like when AL bleached his hair to Courtney Stodden on the color scale, and it really brought out the douche in his bone structure. What makes it worse is that he's totally got his "I look super hot right now" face on in the picture, but for me it's reading more "I live in a basement with mannequins."

What do you guys think? Am I being a super bitch? Is this actually hot? Tell how me to live.



Pin It

TGIF! Who Wants To Sing Sensually With Someone Named 'Keyboard Cathy' About Sashimi?

Oh, man. You know it's going to be great music video experience when that little artist/title thingy doesn't leave the corner of the screen for well over a minute. You really know that things are headed to Perfection-ville, population Cathy, when she removes her sunglasses apparatus from her sensible Lens Crafters creations. Those were NOT from the $99 wall, I can almost guarantee.

But then things start taking an odd turn for me. When KC goes on about "tasting adventure," sh*t got weird. Keyboard Cathy clearly very feels VERY sensual feelings about sashimi, you guys. Wait. Is this really just a bowl-cutted video full of sexual innuendo? By the eyebrows at the 2:41 mark, I don't really think that it could be anything else. OH MY GOD, AT 3:35 IT'S ALL JUST TOO MUCH. Is Key Key possibly talking about try her OTHER bowl cut? And is it...is it...pierced?

Well, I probably just ruined your weekend, your life, and any chance in hell of you going to a sushi restaurant again, so also the sushi industry as a whole. My work here is done.


via reddit


Pin It

My Latest Non-Beauty Tenderonis

I know that I'm usually up your asses with beauty this and beauty that, so today I'm taking a break from that sh*t and talking about my current ride-or-die b*tches of the non-beauty world.

Bkr Water Bottle in Bambi

bkr water bottle in bambi, $28

You guys, I am OBSESSED with this damn water bottle. When the bkr (pronounced like beaker) people sent me one of their water bottles, this one is called Bambi, I didn't think I'd give an eff about it. I have roughly 34543580 water bottles, and I usually feel a big ass "meh" about them. I MEAN IT'S A WATER BOTTLE FOR EFF'S SAKE.

 But there something about this one that makes me use it every day. Maybe it's the fact that the mouth part is small like a plastic water bottle. Or that water just tastes good as f*ck from glass. Or that it's small, so it's not heavy. I don't know. But I love it. Get off me. And people are always weirdly complementing me on it. So, if you like strangers giving you random complements, this is the bout it, bout it bottle for your ass. Check the full color selection here.

Urbanears Zinken Headphones in Olive

urbanears zinken in olive, $99.90

Holy sh*t, man. These headphones are the HBICs. I've been wanting to try some DJ-style headphones for a while, but I never got around to getting any. So, when the Urbanears peeps sent these to me, I pretty much lost my damn mind. There are some ridiculously badass features on these little puppies, like: a socket that allows another set of headphones to plug into for music sharing (if you actually happen to like other people), they're collapsible, and there's a cool little microphone/remote thingy that has a button that will pause your music and pick up calls when it's plugged into your phone.

Like I said -- f*cking awesome. Oh, and you really and truly can't hear ish when you've got them on. So, if you love ignoring b's (Who doesn't?!?), they're perfection. Check out all the colors and such here.

All Cat Errrythang

So, this one is a little random, but I CAN'T STOP BUYING SH*T WITH CATS ON IT.

I know, I'm a grown ass woman, and I have a child's cat phone case. With effing ears on it. Jesus take the wheel, because my ass can't stop. And, sadly, this is just a fraction of the cat bullsh*t that I have.

But, at least I'm in hot company, because Olivia Wilde is into "PAWS" shirts, too. So take that, mofos!



Sonofab*tch, I forgot how bad Take That was. Slow snaps in the rain all around. Ugh. I just hate watched all 3:59 of that mess.

P.S. If you ever find yourself caught in a super-sexual rain storm, TAKE OF YOUR FUR HAT WITH FLAPS. That sh*t makes no kind of damn sense.






Pin It

Why I Still Love Grumpy Cat, and I WILL NOT Stop the Effery.

She HATES cuddling. As do I -- get off my jock/personal space, other humans!

GC hates the outdoors. Being outside is TERRIBLE, you guys. It smells weird.

We both hate parties. TALKING TO ACTUAL PEOPLE?!? No.

She is NOT into grocery shopping. It's SO EFFING ANNOYING.

GC knows that being cold is SO GROSS.

We both know how HORRIBLE sports are. Why do people like this sh*t???

Are you guys sick of Grumpy Cat? Why can't I let her go? How do I move on with my life?

All photos via grumpycats.com.

Pin It

Who's the Cooler Cat, (I Truly, Truly Hate Myself) Garfield or Heathcliff?

I think that we can all agree that the 90's were filled with an ish-load of awesomeness. And part of that came down to two orange cats, Garfield and Heathcliff. So the question begs to be asked in a head-to-head Battle Royale. Who was the best: Garfield or Heathcliff???

Battle of the munchies 

Food is the bomb, right? And it seems like cats like nasty ish. It's always like Salmon with a Hint of Liver and Garbage Juice on cat food labels. So let's check out what these cats were chewin' on.

Heathcliff:

Heathcliff eats fish bones and garbage.

 Garfield:

Garfield eats lasagne.

Winner: Duh. Lasagne is delicious. Garfield takes this one.

Homepeeps
Dogs have packs, and cats have...Eff if I know. But both of these cats had friends that they hung out with on the regular. Who's got the better cat gang?

Heathcliff:

Look at these hot b's. That's some fashion-forward ish.

Heathcliff even had a lady friend. With TWO pink bows. Fancy!

Garfield:

Garfield has Odie and Jon. Snooze.

Winner: Heathcliff takes this one. Those junkyard cats were fly as ish. Floppy hats? Leg warmers? Skinny ties and sweatbands? B, please. Garfield's Jon can't even hang with that mess. He looks like a cartoon version of Cousin Larry. Not hot.

Hello?!? Try to tear your eyes away from Balki's mullet. I dare you.

Theme Song
Music is an important factor in coolness. If your theme song is super lame, you can't be a true boss b. Who had the cooler theme song?

Heathcliff:

This song is still fire. If I wasn't too lazy to have a ringtone on my cell phone, I would totally use this.

Garfield:

 I don't even remember this ish, I can't lie.

Winner: Heathcliff's song will rock your damn face off.

Street Cred
When you're a cat, you kind of have to be a badass. No one respects a cuddly cat. Who's got the most street cred?

Heathcliff:

Heathcliff was always doing some hood rat stuff.

Plus, he was in a GANG that lived in a JUNKYARD!

Garfield:

Garfield was kind of a dick, so he gets major points for that.

And apparently, he's girlfriends with Lil' Wayne.

Winner: Tie. Garfield's sh*tty attitude lives on in annoying t shirts to this day, but living in a garbage heap trumps living in a creepy, middle aged, single dude's house.

Overall Winner
I'm sorry, Garfield fans. I've got to give the overall cat awesomeness prize to Heathcliff. He's a badass b (Trina style) and everything about that show screams high fashion. Agree or disagree? Bash me (or raise the roof with me) in the comments.

 

Pin It