Monday, July 2, 2012

Who's the Cooler Cat, (I Truly, Truly Hate Myself) Garfield or Heathcliff?

I think that we can all agree that the 90's were filled with an ish-load of awesomeness. And part of that came down to two orange cats, Garfield and Heathcliff. So the question begs to be asked in a head-to-head Battle Royale. Who was the best: Garfield or Heathcliff???

Battle of the munchies 
Food is the bomb, right? And it seems like cats like nasty ish. It's always like Salmon with a Hint of Liver and Garbage Juice on cat food labels. So let's check out what these cats were chewin' on.

Heathcliff eats fish bones and garbage.
Garfield eats lasagne.

Winner: Duh. Lasagne is delicious. Garfield takes this one.

Dogs have packs, and cats have...Eff if I know. But both of these cats had friends that they hung out with on the regular. Who's got the better cat gang?

Look at these hot b's. That's some fashion-forward ish.

Heathcliff even had a lady friend. With TWO pink bows. Fancy!
Garfield has Odie and Jon. Snooze.
Winner: Heathcliff takes this one. Those junkyard cats were fly as ish. Floppy hats? Leg warmers? Skinny ties and sweatbands? B, please. Garfield's Jon can't even hang with that mess. He looks like a cartoon version of Cousin Larry. Not hot.
Hello?!? Try to tear your eyes away from Balki's mullet. I dare you.
Theme Song
Music is an important factor in coolness. If your theme song is super lame, you can't be a true boss b. Who had the cooler theme song?


This song is still fire. If I wasn't too lazy to have a ringtone on my cell phone, I would totally use this.


 I don't even remember this ish, I can't lie.

Winner: Heathcliff's song will rock your damn face off.

Street Cred
When you're a cat, you kind of have to be a badass. No one respects a cuddly cat. Who's got the most street cred?

Heathcliff was always doing some hood rat stuff.
Plus, he was in a GANG that lived in a JUNKYARD!
Garfield was kind of a dick, so he gets major points for that.

And apparently, he's girlfriends with Lil' Wayne.
Winner: Tie. Garfield's sh*tty attitude lives on in annoying t shirts to this day, but living in a garbage heap trumps living in a creepy, middle aged, single dude's house.

Overall Winner
I'm sorry, Garfield fans. I've got to give the overall cat awesomeness prize to Heathcliff. He's a badass b (Trina style) and everything about that show screams high fashion. Agree or disagree? Bash me (or raise the roof with me) in the comments.


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