The Shade Of It All: The Kat Von D Shade + Light Eye Contour Palette

I have a confession -- I'm a sucka-ass sucka for a matte eyeshadow palette. Call me a basic bitch if you wish, but it's just my comfort zone. It's like sweatpants for my eyelids.

So, when the Kat Von D Shade + Light Eye Contour Palette came out a while ago, my brain got all tingly over that shit. It was like finding a pair of sweatpants that cup your butt cheeks just so. I wanted it. I needed it. I was a little too poor to buy it. But then I said eff this life and caved like woah. I'm more irresponsible with money than Lilo. ALLEGEDLY.

Side note: I've been watching an ungodly amount of RuPaul's Drag Race over the past week, so prepare your eyeballs for an onslaught of draggy gifs. Christmas (or Hanukkah or Shannen Doherty's birthday) came early this year.

This palette consists of twelve matte shadows. There are three bigguns on top, which are meant to be base colors. I only use the far left one as a base, because as you can see on the swatches, it's basically my skin. The others I use for blending, but do whatever works for you. I don't know your skin tone, honey.

The shadows are broken up into sections of neutrals (left), cools (center), and warms (right). It also comes with a little guide book deal, telling you how to achieve the look you want to work. I ignored it, because ain't nobody going to tell me nothing. I just want to slap some shit on my eyeballs.

I did some really quick and dirty looks using each section of shadows, starting with the warms.

These shadows are probably my favorite, because I'm just a warm person. (don't get sassy) The shadows are so pigmented and smooth that they're almost creamy (sorry).

I threw these shadows on the day that I bought the palette, and I hadn't even washed my face, so don't look for perfection here. I think you know better than that anyway.

The next day I played around with the cools.

Cool tones are kind of my least favorite in general, just because I prefer warm stuffs, but I actually ended up really liking these. That dark gray is really nice, because it has kind of a brown-y base instead of a blue. I'm pretty, pretty into it.

For the neutrals, I just added to the existing cool eye, so it's a little bit of a hot mess, but you can get the smokey gist of it. Excuse my damn beauty.

My least favorite shadow of the whole palette ended up being the dark neutral brown, just because it kind of had an assload of fallout. Not enough to keep me from using it ever, just something to keep in mind.

Bottom line, because I know you just said "eff it" and looked at the gifs, I really love this palette, just like every other KVD thing I've ever owned. Just add it to the pile, baby. Speaking of piles of product, I have to go wash all this schmutz off my face. I need to triple wash, like a bag of baby spinach.

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Meet Kat Von D's Monarch Eyeshadow Palette, The Baddest B Of The Year (Millennium?)

I know, I know. I've been talking about a buttload of eyeshadow palettes lately. BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT. Okay, so I clearly needed this like I need more fibers of laziness in my being, but I just couldn't help myself. I fell in love with this mofo. And we found love in a hopeless place -- the Sephora inside a horribly crowded JC Penney, riddled with back-to-school shoppers.

Let's take a strong look at what reeled my ass in:

Meet the Kat Von D Monarch Palette ($46). It's clearly based on the coloration of that orange-y butterfly, but when I think of Monarch, I think of Monarchy, then I think of Bizz Markie. I probably need to see a psychologist.

The packaging on this bad boy is equal parts beautiful/reminds me of my tramp stamp from 1999. Yay? Either way, it spoke to me. But when I peeped the inside contents, I really fell the eff in love. THERE ARE THREE HIGHLIGHTING/BASE SHADOWS. And they're hella big, like twice the size of normal. This is a big thing for me because I always use up my base-color shadows first.

I was SOLD sold after I started swatching the palette all over my body in the store. Here's the thing about Kat Von D eyeshadows: the pigmentation and texture are LE-MFing-GIT. Did I mention that this is my third (? fourth? fifth? I can't remember, and I've dropped and broken a couple because I'm a monster.) KVD palette? They are my absolute favorite eyeshadows.

Needless to say (or you wouldn't be reading this shit right now, doy), I bought the Monarch Palette. I know, I'm beginning to be an outright ridiculous person. But I did it, so let's at least get some use out of my overspending issues.

I wanted to create a couple different looks so you could see the versatility of the shadows and really get a feel for this b. So this first eyeball fashion plate is a little on the bolder side of the cosmetics tracks. (The Arbor Mist is free-flowing over on this side, you should come hang some time.)

I really felt the need to use the orange eyeshadow (it's called Wrath) to see how wearable it was, and whether or not it made me look like I had a severe eye infection. Spoiler alert: it did not. It actually made me feel kind of cool and post-Apocalyptic, like I could fashion weapons from debris and lizard skeletons, or something.

The second eye deal is more the kind of thing I would wear on the daily -- it's normal, it's basic (without being TOO basic bitch-like), and it's sportin' a touch of sheen, old sport. Between these two looks I actually ended up using all of the eyeshadows at least once, except for one of the base/highlight colors. High fiving a million angels for my mild productivity!

Here's the main point of all of my nonsensical ramblings on: I LOVE THIS FRIGGIN' PALETTE. So much so that I wrote a short poem as an ode to it. Please enjoy.

I love this palette,
more than a salad.
The shadows are bangin',
they won't leave you hangin'.
I love it so much that we might wed,
and sleep in the same bed.

FIN

I don't blame you if you never, ever come back to this blog ever again. Good day.



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What's Up, Smashbox Master Class Palette III?

I was forced to shclep my lazy ass across town to the ol' Sephora today, because I was dangerously low on the love of my life, the Marc Jacobs Magic Marc'er. I've shoved 10 months of use in a six month expiration bag with that puppy, and it was way past friggin' time. Drier than a bone status.

While I was re-upping on my homie, OF COURSE my eyes had to wander over the rest of the store's offerings. What am I, a nun? While on this peruse-fest, my eyeballs fell upon a true beauty: the Smashbox Master Class Palette III -- Color & Contour. I really was in no mood to purchase this mofo. It's $65, and I'm not exactly at Scrooge McDuck-levels of wealth right now.

But when I cracked this b open, I knew I was sold. Guess I'll eat garbage the rest of the month. Whatever. The first thing that you see are several tutorial sheets on how to do a bunch of fun shit like contouring and specific fancy eyeball things. The back cover has blank face charts so you can create your own little makeup looks. So artsy! It's very fashion plates-y and exciting.

Then you get to the real good good. Try to contain your oooooh and ahhhhs. TRY, I SAY!

What really convinced be to get this thing was the wide variety of shades in shadows and the inclusion of not only three totally wearable blushes, but also completely matte versions of a countour color, bronzer and highlighter. It's pretty much as close to perfection as anything can get for my ass. And eyelids. And face parts.

 I decided to just play around a tiny bit with some of the brighter and more unique colors. I really like a solid 97% of the shadows, and I feel like it might make my mediocre ass branch out a little more and use more color on my eyes.

I also took a hot minute to throw some contour/highlight/blush-type characters on my mug. Everything blends really, really well, and I feel like it will work well for most skin tones. My very fair and deeper skinned peeps, you might want to check the palette in person to see if the countouring shades would work for you.

Overall, here's my justification for getting this b: if I'm paying $50-ish a palette for ten-ish shadows, why in effs sake would I not plop down 15 more clams for, like, four times as much shit? This is a no doy for me. Broke assness be damned.

If you want to see all the specifics on this baby, check it here.



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So I'm a Little Late to This Ballgame...

I have to say that I am a little biased when it comes to reviewing anything Urban Decay. I live and die for the UD Primer Potion. Period. And I kind of never shut up about it. Move on with business. I also use my Naked Palette almost every damn day. So I was curious about the Smoked Palette that came out a few months ago, and I begged the peeps over at Urban Decay so let me try it.

I like the fact that some of the shadows are matte. I like a palette with a little diversity, ya' heard? And it also comes with a mini Primer Potion (Score, b*tches!) and a full size 24/7 Eye Pencil in Perversion, which I already bought on its own a while back, and have since almost used completely. I love that b, too. It stays on like a mofo.

So here are all of the shadows (and the liner, which is like the blackest black in the world or something). I really like all of the colors. The jewel tones aren't bright or garish, so you won't look like Rainbow Brite assaulted you, or anything. I probably won't use Evidence, the navy-ish, just because blues aren't really my bag. But I have been using the neutrals almost every day for my normal, daytime look and just not using a ton of product. And Loaded, the green-ish color, is super pretty and is almost a gun metal-y green.

Overall, I'm totally co-signing on this beast. If you want to check it out for yourself, you can purchase for $49 at Urban Decay. Get that ish smokin'!


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