Pop Culture Beauty School: Lips Inspired By Your Favorite Pop Music Videos

It should come as no surprise that I basically base all my life choices on pop culture.

What should I eat for dinner? Chinese takeout, care of SATC's Miranda Hobbes. What should I watch right now? Reruns of Malibu Country, courtesy of Heather/Gretchen/Alexis on Real Housewives of Orange County. What should I NOT do with my life? Murder people, thanks to every episode of every show I've seen at least thirty-seven times on Discovery ID, or Investigation Discovery. (Side note: WHAT IS THE OFFICIAL NAME OF THIS CHANNEL? I watch it 90% of my life, and it's still unclear to me.)

Then, naturally, the lipstick I wear is based directly upon what the eff I'm listening to. Here's a cosmetic-filled road map to it all.

Robert Palmer - Addicted to Love

This is probably the most obvious link between lips and music videos that ever existed. "Addicted to Love" is basically a lipstick-and-legs commercial, with a dash of LA Looks hair gel thrown into the mix. X-TREME hold.

If this video doesn't make your heart skip several beats over that bold-ass red lip, you can take your not-scarlet-y lips have several seats.

This ColourPop Lippie Sitx in Bichette ($5, ColourPop) is almost a match made in classic-red-lipped heaven with this Robert Palmer jam. Just with a smidge less shine. Might as well face it, this lipstick is the shit. And it costs $5.

Aqua - Barbie Girl

Okay, okay, this song and video are more annoying than watching episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond and then Coach with your dad, but the '90s were annoying. They just were.

Similarly, this NYX Cosmetics Matte Lipstick in Shocking Pink ($5.99, Ulta) is annoyingly bright, but in the most complementary sense of the word. Plus, it's pretty much the exact shade of pink (with a touch lilac) as the convertible in the video. Hate the song, not the lip, H8RZ.

Britney Spears - Oops!...I Did It Again

Other than Brit's acting chops (AKA "the old lady dropping it into the ocean at the end"), this video lived and died with that red pleather jumpsuit.

This tarte LipSurgence lip gloss in natural beauty ($19, tarte) is the reddest and glossiest thing I have in my lip arsenal, but I still don't think it does Britney's getup the SHINE and RED justice it truly deserves. Awww, you shouldn't have...OOPS, I...Maybe next time.

Alanis Morrisette - Thank U

"Thank U" is no "You Oughta Know," because there can never be enough songs about allegedly fellating Dave Coulier in a movie theater, but it's the most naked music video that came to mind.

Nude lipstick is notoriously difficult, because everyone has a different skin tone and desired level of opaque-ness, but this NYX Cosmetics Soft Matte Lip Cream in London ($5.99, Ulta) is a beige-y dream in a tube. It's like an impenetrable pair of L'eggs hosiery: all vaguely tan with zero shine. But, you know, sexy.

UB40 - Red Red Wine

Real talk -- I hate this GD song -- I really just wanted to talk about the magic of this kind-of-lipstick lipstick.

If you've ever wanted the color of a wined-out lip stain, but the moisture of a lip chap, Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey (Clinique, $17) will be your all-marshmallow box o' Lucky Charms. It's the perfect blackberry jam lite color, and if I wasn't disgusted by the word creamy, I would almost say it's creamy (BLEH BLEH BLEH). It's gel-y? Jelly? I don't know; it's fantastic.

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Drugstore Darlings: Let's Chickity-Check Out NYC Expert Last Lip Color Matte

I love to be a cheap-ass whenever possible. Don't get me wrong, I'll spend that dough when necessary, but I love few things more than finding a pretty bomb drugstore beauty product. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S UNDER TWO FRIGGIN' DOLLARS, MAN.

So, when I got an email about these new NYC Expert Last Lip Color Matte deals, I begged them to send me a few and see what they were all about. BECAUSE I SAID UNDER TWO DOLLARS, YA FREAKS. This is quite exciting.

Quick note -- I apologize right of the bat that my arm swatch is not matched up with the lipstick tube lineup. It's annoying. Whaddadick. To make up for it, I offer this to you as a condolence:

I think it's a pretty fair trade.

Now, let's get on with the lipstick talk.

Here are the colors I received, applied on an acutal human mug. I really liked all of the shades quite a bit. I was a tad unsure on the mauve, maybe because my brain cells are opposed to the word mauve (thanks, 1992), but after seeing it in the picture, I actually like the pastel-iness of it.

This is a long-wear lipstick, and the formula is touted as a matte satin. Or maybe a satin matte. This is the one dispute I have with this guy. It's not matte. It's satin. Which is absolutely fine in my book of things that are fine, but it needs to be noted.

As far as the long-wear thing goes, it wears very nicely, and for a long time. It didn't feather or bleed at all. It's just not one of those eat/drink/makeout with a basketball team/smoke strawberry hookahs, and it won't come off, kind of long wears. It comes off on whatever you put your mouth upon (heh), but you're still left with plenty of lipstick. Just ask my swatched forearm.

Overall, if you're in need of a Pretty Ricky pretty lippie for UNDER TWO DAMN DOLLARS (okay, I guess you get it), with a satiny finish that wears like a dream, this baby is for you.

This is also for you.



Don't act like it's not. He like, "Look at me, I'm a big, dumb hooman thing."





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My New Favorite Lip Homies

I have pretty major issues when it comes to hoarding lip stuff. I've got balms, glosses, lipsticks, chapsticks, not to mention other lip things that I'm not even sure what they do, stashed like friggin' contraband all around every area of my life. (I almost said every orifice, but no, that's too far. Even for me.)

But you know what I don't have? A MF-ing gangster lip serum. You know why? Because I've never heard of one. Not to mention one for an old and sad sack set of lips like mine. Enter Murad Rapid Collagen Infusion for Lips ($24), stage right.

Murad sent me these angel tears shoved sweetly into a plummy tube about a week ago, and I am hooked on this stuff. It gives your lips a plump and pillowy feel, but IT'S NOT THAT CHEAP-ASS STINGING TRICK. We're onto you, stingy lip shit. This is all about moisture and straight-up science. (I'm guessing.) This is what Murad says:

"Instantly smooths and hydrates for an ideal base under lipstick, gloss or balm. Simultaneously boosts micro-circulation for plumper, fuller lips while working over time to reduce the appearance of vertical lip lines and wrinkles" 

MICRO-CIRCULATION. That is more science-y than Mr. Wizard (RIP).

Another perfect usage of this serum (!!!) is as a base for matte lipsticks. It just erases any weird and unfortunate drying and discomfort issues that you might typically have with lip stuff that's on the matte-y end of the spectrum. Also, that sounded like a Summer's Eve commercial, and for that, I deeply apologize.

But it does bring me to my next current favorites, more ColourPop Lippie Stix.

I already bought a couple of the Lippie Stix a while ago, and I decided that I needed to get more, mostly because they're FIVE GD DOLLARS and I really love the formula. This time around, I decided to do the deed with Frida, Dalia and Cookie.

Lordt, do I love these Lippie Stix. They're just easy. You can use the edge of the stick as more of a lip-lining-tool-deal, and they aren't too big and cumbersome to work with, which is nice when you're using a bold/bright/whatever lip color. They're just an all-around damn delight.

So as long as these puppies are $5, I'll be like:

(But, only like five times, because times. Because it's only five dollar bills.)




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Best (Color) Lip Products When Your Lips Are Just SO DRY

Dry lips are a real sack of a-holes. And because it's the height of wintery weather, it's pretty much all-parched-everything right now. But just because your lips are drier than a pair of sun dried tomatoes, that doesn't mean you just want to wear a boring-ass colorless lip chap around all the time. So, instead, I have rounded up my favorite moisturizing babies (with color!) to keep that yappity trap well-hydrated and poppin' at all times.

I really cannot get enough of this Sephora Kiss Kiss Gloss ($7, Sephora). I bought it on an impulse a little bit ago just to get me over that dreaded gotta-get-to-$50-for-free-shipping hump from Sephora, and I've been using it like it ain't no thang.

It's a sheer, bubble gummy pink with shimmer and has a glossy gel texture. It's thick, but not sticky and hydrates like a boss lady. Plus, the container is pretty huge for gloss standards. (It's half an ounce, whereas most glosses are around 0.1 oz.) What I'm saying is -- this is my shit.

Okay, so I guess this stick deal is considered a balm. I really should know these things.

I already told you how much I was vibing on the Dr. Rescue version of Maybelline's Baby Lips, which I am still into. But here's the thing -- you can only use the Dr. Rescue a few times a day because of the menthol in it. It will eff up your life if you overdo it. So I've started using the OG version (this one is in Pink Punch) to supplement my balm usage. It's still nice and creamy...

and provides a nice bit of color to your lips. It's just not mint-like. And I love mint-like.

Speaking of loving mint shit, the top reason that I love this Tarte Maracuja Divine Shine Lip Gloss is because it's minty and moisturizing. But, of course there's one small issue -- I picked a gloss that isn't in production anymore, because I'm a real asshole. But, you can still find it all over Amazon, so only send me one hate postcard. Or post-it. Your choice.

If you can live without the wintergreen times, the Tarte LipSurgence Lip Gloss is another good option. It's just vanilla-esque. So just slightly lesser for dry lip lives. We'll live.

Now go lube up those thirsty lips. Also, tell me if you've got a miracle moisturizing lip thing (with color). I can always have more things. Always more things.



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My Favorite Nudes (Lipsticks, You Sickos!)

I feel like I've been a Never Nude lately. I've been sitting around, blabbing my big dumb mouth about nothing but bright/dark/bold/any other adjectives that mean non-natural-color lip products, and I've been completely neglecting all of the naked ladies of the world. And I actually love the naked ladies.

As much as I flaunt the hell out of crazy-color lipsticks, I'm actually more of a nudist lip type of chick on the daily. I've tried roughly 3.7 billion (lies) nude lips through the years, and I've accumulated a decent arsenal of the "your lips but better" mouth jackets in every kind of formulation, from matte to gloss. So, no matter your preference, I've got you, boo.

The Mattes

Let's start with the seriousness. Matte nudes pack the most color (non-color?) punch, but they're also the thickest and make your lips look the most like a wrinkle circus. I live my life not giving any shits, so that doesn't bother me, but I'm sure some mofos have feeling on this.

My favorite nude mattes are the NYX Soft Matte Lip Creams in Stockholm and London. Stockholm is more of a pinky nude, and London is more of a beige. They run about $6 each, so bonus points for not costing a bazillion doll hairs. (P.S. You can also mix the two of these together, and it's kind of a slice of perfect pie. In my eye. I can't even lie. *snaps for poetry*)

The Gloss

Maybe you hate matte lips. Maybe you're more of a shiny type. That's okay, I'm only slightly judging you silently. Like, three percent. It's fine. To keep it completely honest, I actually use this gloss the most out of anything I'm talking about today, because it's easy and I can put it on sans mirror.

Tarte LipSurgence Lip Gloss in Exposed is the perfect sheer pinkish nude gloss. It's also kind of minty, so if your lips are thirsty and parched, this will be your shit. I'm always thirsty and parched, so this is, in fact, my shit.

The Department Stores

I also have a couple higher-end nude favorites that fall into more of the more traditional lipstick variety. They really vary in color, too, so there's that.

The Clinique Chubby Stick Intense Moisturizing Lip Colour Balm in Curviest Caramel is pretty bomb. If I didn't think that the word "creamy" was gross as eff I would call it creamy. Because it's creamy. Creamy. It's also a deeper shade than most of the other products I've featured, so if you have a darker skin tone, this will be a damn dream on you, dream box.

MAC Lustre Lipstick in High Tea is my other department store homie. Side note -- I've had this lipstick for YEARS and until this very second I thought that the shade was called "Lustre." Nope. I am so dumb. Anyway, it's great and blah blah blah I love it. I need to go read all the Encyclopaedia Britannicas.

The Drugstores

Don't think that I forgot about my thrifty sisters. These drugstore babies are nothing to scoff at. Also, please don't scoff at things. It's rude. I'm slowly morphing into an Emily Post etiquette blog. Ha. No, I'm not. I SCOFF AT THAT.

In fact, the L'Oreal Colour Riche Colour Caresse Lipstick in Sheer Linen is probably my favorite color of all of these nude dudes, so take THAT expensive stuffs. And the texture is pretty sheer (uh, no doy) and moisturizing. It's well worth the dough.

In other L'Oreal news, L'Oreal Colour Riche Lipstick in Fairest Nude is no slouch, either. I like this lipstick because it almost has a tiny lilac flair. And it's not shimmery. It's kind of weird for a nude, which speaks to me as a weirdo.

Let's get nude! On our lips. I'm actually wearing pants. What are your favorite nude lips? TELL ME ABOUT ALL THE THINGS.




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How To Take Your Face From Basic To Bad In 10 Seconds Flat

Some days you just have a case of ye olde blah face. Whether you're feeling half shitty, tired, or just can't find any effs to gives towards trying -- we've all been there, sister. It happens.

I'm meh-faced and I know it.

Luckily, there is an easy cure-all for this dreadful affliction, and it takes the absolute minimal time and effort, because you know how I do.  I'm talking about getting fancy with yourself and using a bold lipstick. I know that there are still some of you out there that are all, "I just can't do a bright/dark/whatever lip colors." I SEE YOU, AND YES, YOU CAN.

Are there rules and shit about picking cool-toned lipsticks if you're a cool-skinned person, and all of that hootenanny? Yeah, sure, whatever. But who cares? That's boring. All you really need is a "Bitch, I look good" attitude adjustment, and you can wear whatever the hell makeup item that you're into at that exact second.

With that in mind, here are some of my ride-or-die lipsticks in various shades that are sure to cure boring face in under ten seconds flat. (TIME ME, MOFOs.)

NYX Matte Lipstick in Shocking Pink ($5-$6)

I wasn't lying when I told you I wasn't giving up bright lipsticks anytime soon. In fact, I bought this lipstick after I wrote that post. Screw you, Fall stereotypes!

If you fancy yourself a real girly girl, fuchsia might be the perfect gateway lipstick to jump off your bold lip kick. And if you have a darker skin tone, THIS NEEDS TO BE YOUR SHIT.

MAC Viva Glam I ($16)

Let's be real -- red lips are the training wheels of bold and bangin' lipsticks. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

I love red lipstick, and absolutely every pair of lips attached to a face can pull it off. If you're one of those homies that I referenced who are still scared to get crazy with your lipstick, this puppy is for you.

NYX Matte Lipstick in Indie Flick ($5-$6)

My husband just saw me working on this and said, "That lipstick is too crazy," re: this picture. (For reference, he said the red lipstick picture looked "normal.") So, now we're getting divorced. JK.

Orange-y lipsticks are definitely on the more adventurous side of the tracks. Like, where people that think a meal consisting of chips and wine are a more than adequate dinner live. I live there. Join me. It's fun (and apparently crazy) here.

Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in Shame ($22)

Don't get it twisted, I'm not exclusively about that bright lip game. Dark lips are equally dope. In fact, being the moody brooder that I am, deep berry lipsticks probably match my personality best. But I also like unicorns and mermaids and such, so....you see why the shades are vast and varied here.

Okay, I'm 100% sick of looking at my own damn mug, so I'm wrapping it up. What bold-to-death lipstick shades are you into? Tell me in the comments. Or maybe even upload a picture of YOUR beautiful mug. I WANT TO SEE ALL THE THINGS.

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The Pumpkin Spice Latte Is Here, But I'm Bucking The System And Not Giving Up These Anti-Fall Beauty Favorites

Listen, I'm super friggin' over Summer. It's still so ungodly hot out that I can't even leave my house, and I am completely ready for cooler Fall weather. BUT, that doesn't mean that I'm prepared for the onslaught of all things Fall-themed. The fact that Starbucks already released the Pumpkin Spice Latte is just ridiculous. IT'S TOO DAMN SOON, MAN.

Fall or not, there are a few beauty things that tend to be regarded as #SUMMERLEMONADEBIKINIWATERMELONBLAHHHH that I absolutely refuse to leave behind as I jump into a damn pile of leaves or whatever. Let's discuss.

 Shiny White Talons

I really love white nails. And not only because they are the color of unicorns' fur. Don't be ridiculous. (Okay, that's totally part of it.) But they're typically thought of as the epitome of a Summer color, with that fogey-ass "no white after Labor Day" nonsense. 

So you can imagine my complete and total (Sunny) delight when Floss Gloss sent me their new Fall/Winter polish colors, and one of them was the baddest beyotch of a white polish called Mrs. Tony Montana ($8). This nail polish is a little piece of marshmallow-y perfection. It doesn't streak at all, and goes on without a damn hitch, which is UNHEARD of in a opaque white polish. I love this baby polish, I'll never let it go. No matter what season.

Bright-Mouthed B

(I'm wearing CoverGirl Lip Perfection in Spellbound)

I know, I know. Fall times are all about a vampy lip and shit. And don't get me wrong, I adore a dark lipstick. I really consider myself to be at least 67% emo. But that doesn't mean that I'm planning on giving up bright pink lips any-dang-time soon. It's just pretty, and I'm not ready. Whatever.

If you want to keep on keepin' on with the brightness, you don't have to spend 7.2 billion dollars on a crazy pink lipstick. (Although I do love the Make Up For Ever Aqua Rouge Fuschia lip.) If you can't really get spendy right now, I totally feel you sister. Luckily, CoverGirl and NYX both make pretty fantastic bright lips. I'm keeping it pink, baby. (And red. And dark. I WANT IT ALL, AND I WANT IT NOW.)

Lazy Messy Hair

Most people probably call this "beachy hair," but I veto that because I don't like the damn beach. Whatever you want to call this deal, I will not be giving it up when the season is over. This style is my go-to, mainly because it's the laziest lazy that's ever lazied and doesn't look terrible.

Here's how I do the damn thing: when I get out of the shower, I wait until my hair is damp, then spray it with a light leave-in conditioner and brush it through. Ideally, you would want to skip the brushing to maintain waves/curls, but my hair is fine and just gets tangled as shit, so I have to brush it. Then I spray Sally Hershberger Supreme Lift Root Spray at the roots on the top and crown of my head, and blow dry just my bangs. I let the rest of my air dry, then spray a surf spray (Bumble and bumble is my ride-or-die, but this Wella one isn't too bad, either.) throughout the length of my hair and scrunch it like it's 1989 in this piece, until it's all dry. Total time of doing actual things? Like two minutes.

If I want it a little more done and wavy, I'll pick out a few pieces and wrap them around a curling iron. Usually I don't, because lazy.

What are you unwilling to let go of from the Summertimes? Don't worry, I won't make you stop, like, ever. Get off our asses, Fall. We do what we want.





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I Attempted Beauty Extreme Couponing And Kind Of Sucked (With Quick Product Reviews)

Sometimes I have high hopes for myself in life. These are rare bursts of positivity, but they do happen occasionally. Most recently, I decided that I could save shitloads of money on beauty products through couponing. (Yeah, I had just watching that gluttonous terror of a show Extreme Couponing, but whatever.)

So I ripped out a sad sack stack of coupons and went to CVS. They were having a buy one, get one half off sale on a lot of the cosmetics, so I thought I could save more that way. That's how you do these kinds of deals, right? Right???

Well, I effed up right off the bat.

I found the Sally Hansen Color Foil polish that I've been looking for for a couple months, and it was zero percent off with exactly zero coupons. It was $7.79, and I had to have it. I think that you can tell that I'm going to suck a big one at couponing. (Blatant foreshadowing alert.)

Before I move on to my other coupon happenings, let's talk about this polish. Basically, I wanted a unicorn, and I got a horse with wearing a party hat. Which is still cool and shit, just not slap-someone-across-the-face-with-white-satin-gloves-due-to-excitement cool. I really wanted this polish to be ridiculously shiny. Like, I could catch light and sear people's eyeballs with my nail beds, shiny. Maybe even do it to myself accidentally, then be forced to wear a badass eyepatch, like I've always wanted. That didn't happen. It's pretty much a touch shinier than the Revlon Top Speed Polish in Sterling.

But here's the bigger issue -- because the instructions tell you not to use a base or top coat, this shit is already scratched. And I painted my nails, like, three hours ago. But, it did dry really friggin' fast.

Don't get it twisted after all of my light-to-moderate bitching, I still like the polish, and will totally use it. Just don't expect to cry tears of joy when you see our wedding announcement in the New York Times. I probably won't even send it a Garfield valentine.

Now let's get back to the point of this whole freaking post. I DID actually end up using a couple coupons. I had a $1 off any Maybelline lip product, so I went with the Maybelline Sensational Lipcolor in  Deepest Cherry, which was $7.99 originally. After the coupon and $1.50 in Extra Care bucks I had, the final price came to $5.49. Meh. 

I was actually pleasantly surprised with the texture of this lipstick. It's creamy and moisturizing, but not feather-y, and it doesn't wear off in a weird and blotchy way, but the pigmentation is pretty mediocre. When I picked the shade, I was expecting a deep-ass wine-y/black cherry/(Ron) burgundy color, and when applied, it's more of a berry/raisin/sangria. I'm not mad at it, but, once again, I'm not filled with a burning lust. It's nice. It's fine. Whatever.

All of the Maybelline cosmetics were part of that whole buy one, get one half off sale that I was blathering on about earlier, so I still had to pick another product. I also had a $3 off any Maybelline Dream something-or-other product, so I grabbed the Maybelline Dream Bouncy Blush in Peach Satin, which had a retail price of $7.79. So, after the 50% off thing and the coupon, I paid $.89 for this mofo. Yay-ish!

I like this stuff. I'm not a cream blush connoisseur, due to my oily gross-assness, but this has more of a gel-like texture. It wears well, and didn't make my skin feel significantly more like a greasy bag o' french fries. The color choices are pretty, and it's easy to apply: just dab it on with one of your digits, and go fly a kite or something, I don't know your life. The biggest drawback is that, after using it just once, I feel like I have already used a lot of the product. The dome-y part is already indented, so it's not going to last a hella long time at this rate. Be warned, at al.

Here's the bottom line of my non-extreme couponing non-extravaganza -- I saved $9.40 and spent about $20 on a measly-ass three items. File that shit under "not impressive" in your filing cabinet, and lock it up tight. The sad thing is that I also had a couple of Rimmel coupons, but I only wanted some of those badass Kate Moss lipsticks, and those weren't included. I also had a L'Oreal coupon that I found crumpled up in the bottom of my purse when I got home. So, I clearly I'm the actual worst at trying to be fiscally responsible, and I won't be quitting my day job. If I had a real, adult-like, full-time day job. Iyanla, fix my damn life.




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Hitting Up Some Revlon Newbies: Bold Lacquer Mascara and Colorstay Moisture Stain

I was in CVS yesterday, buying Father's Day cards about four days too late and armpit razors. (I buy cheap razors that I use exclusively for pit shaving times, because I don't want my spendy shit to get all dulled up with deodorant and junk.) While I was there I, of course, had to peruse the beauty section and see if there were any treasures that I just couldn't live without.

I've really been interested in trying the new Revlon Bold Lacquer Mascara, and all Revlon products were buy one, get one 50% off like woah, so I grabbed one. I decided to go for Blackest Black, because what I am, an infant?

CVS, $7.99

Here's the deal with this mascara: it reportedly adds both length and volume to your lashes, and it seems to get that job done. It's not as volume-inducing as my homie L'Oreal Voluminous mascara, but it's a lot more defining. This baby is not clumpy at all, so if you're firmly in the "I FRIGGIN' HATE CLUMPS SO MUCH" camp, you'll love this. This is not a crazy, fake-looking lashes kind of party, but it's very nice.

Because it was a BOGO(ish) deal going on, I had to pick up another product to try. I chose the Colorstay Moisture Stain in LA Exclusive, because it was pink and pretty and I love the packaging.

CVS, $9.99

This product is different than any other lip deal I've used before. The texture is really, really similar to a long-wear matte liquid lipstick, but it's moisturizing and gloss-like. It was kind of weird for me at first, and takes a little getting used to, but I like the look of the gloss a lot.

Plus, after the gloss wears off (or you blot it) you're left with a bit of color, like a lip stain. It's probably even more bold if you choose a darker shade. I like it, and I really would like to try some of the other colors in this formula.

 So I might have to go hit up that almost BOGO CVS sale. Just one more time.

I have a problem.

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The Summer Beauty Stuffs I Never Knew I Needed (Until Now)

I'm figuratively dying, man. And not even in a friggin' cerebral, existential crisis kind of way. I'm talking about how it's hot as shit, and I want to cry and/or never, ever leave my house because it's over 100 degrees outside. Which is an INSANE temperature to expect a human to exist normally. (RIP, polar ice caps.)

In order to ease my First World pains, I've done some beauty soul-searching to find products that a) make me feel better, and b) help me to semi-live a life that seems like it's happening in a post-apocalyptic Earth. Even if it doesn't yet feel like the ninth ring of Hell where you're living, ANTI-WINTER IS COMING, so you better step to planning.

Alt White Mani

My love for a fresh-to-death white polish job is right up there (almost) with my fondness for wine-drinking times. But after awhile I get a little bored with the same ol' thang, and want to find a way to mix it up when it comes to that bright white mani. Don't worry your pretty little head, because I've found a couple options to update this whole deal. 

My first alternative (above) was sampled to me by the indie polish brand Seven and Parker. The shade is called "Mr. White," and it's a frosty, opaque white with a touch of silver, from the brand's upcoming Reservoir collection. It's not available just quite yet, put S&P's "Girl in Pale Pink Coat" is a very pale pink shimmery polish that has a similar feel. Or just keep an eye out on the Seven and Parker website for "Mr. White" to become available. This is the perfect polish for a cool-toned white option, and I can't get enough.

If warm tones are more your thing, my girls at Floss Gloss sent me some bomb white substitutes. "Biscuits" is an almost buttery cream color, while "Selena Corpus Crystalina" is a sheer white glitter that's great to top off whatever polish you're currently feeling. Or you can layer them together and create a sugary, all-white-everything buttered biscuit dream. It's your world, baby.

Skindinavia: The Makeup Primer Spray

I begged Skindinavia to send me some of their brand new Primer Spray ($35), because I pretty much feel the need to use a primer anytime I wear foundation, but with this hot ass existence currently happening, the thought of slathering another layer of something on my face is less than mf-ing appealing. This formula is a super-lightweight spray, so it's perfect for the summertimes. It made my foundation stay put even after going to the gym because, YES, I'm one of THOSE that wears makeup to workout. I know, I'm the worst.

I actually took a picture of my hand using the primer with foundation, then without, but my embarrassment over my extremely poor hand selfie-ing skills prevented me from posting it. I do have some standards, believe it or not. But the with-primered  hand foundation was much, much smoother than the sans-primered hand. Just trust me on this one.

Tarte: Not So Slick Blotting Papers

Reason number 309485039 that crazy hot weather can suck it? It gets my oil glands kickin' into overdrive. And although I will use those rubbery drugstore blotting papers (as well as toilet paper, receipts and the back of my hand) in a pinch, I've always been a little bothered by what exactly those little homies are made from. Bike tires? Old scrunchie elastics?

I didn't worry about that at all when tarte sent me these tarte not so slick blotting papers ($10) to try. They're naturally-derived, but still sop up oil better than the longest Target receipt. CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT.

Powerful Drugstore Lips

Spring and Summer make me want to wear the hell out of a heavy-hitting lipstick. And because I like a variety to spice up my mouth area, it's even better if that 'stick is super-affordable. I've accumulated a pretty boss arsenal of lovely lipsticks, but these two just keep popping up on my lips. As you can see, these mofos are well-loved/used and abused.

I've already shared my deep affections for NYX Matte Lipstick in "Indie Flick" ($6), but it bears repeating. That's how into this lipstick I am. A new(ish) love for me is the even lower-priced Wet n Wild MegaLast Lip Color in "Sugar Plum Fairy" ($1.89 at Walgreens). You literally don't get more affordable for a bangin' lipstick than that. What make these an even better deal? They both are highly-pigmented and last all the live-long day. Top that!

P.S. Robin Lively is the best Lively. Don't argue with me.

Brush on Block

I almost didn't include this little guy in this round-up, but I use it a ton so it just felt necessary. But full disclosure on this one: someone sent this to me FOREVER ago to try, and I just now started using it. When I went to get all the deets on it today, I noticed that what I've been using expired a year ago (don't care, 10/10 will still use), and also the company and packaging seems to be completely different. Either way, I really think that this is a great product, so I'll tell you all of the current info.

Brush on Block ($30) is an SPF 30 mineral powder sunscreen with a retractable brush protector thing-y on it, which makes it really portable and easy to use and store. The powder actually comes through the makeup brush, so you just brush it all over your face before you go outside. I like to walk to a coffee shop that's about half a mile from my house a few mornings a week, and this is so easy to brush on in the morning without worrying about rubbing on a sticky ass SPF lotion. It really meets my lazy, vampiric skin needs quite nicely.

It does have a touch of color to the powder, so I don't know if it would blend well with deeper skin tones, or if it's pretty translucent on everyone. (The website says it's translucent.) One bonus for this stuff is that you can buy refills for $16, so you aren't buying the whole damn brush thing every time. Bottom line -- this stuff is a total oldie-face preventative that I need in my life.

That's it. I've spilled every Summer secret I have now. So I guess I'll meet you guys at the crossroads. Or tomorrow-ish. Whatever.

If you need me, I'll be posted up in Alaska, like woah. But keep my sweaty ass company by telling me all about your favorite Summery products in the comments.

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