Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

pic via allure

I've got some new new going with Allure: slideshows! Here's my first one, and it involves boss books from our youth and the bad b*tch beauty looks that they inspire. It's entitled "Beauty Book Club: Inspiration From Your Favorite Childhood Reads," and you can check that sh*t here.



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Get Your Asses In Gear, It's Already That Time -- Allure Beauty Blogger Awards 2014 Has Begun!

you too can creepily take pics of andre leon talley! plus, products for dayzzzzz.

I seriously CANNOT believe that it is already time for the Allure Beauty Blogger Award (version 2014) once again. That means it has been a solid two years since my raggedy ass decided to submit myself, and that is completely mind boggling (bloggering? zing!) to me. Entering, and then winning, this contest has been the actual highlight of my life, and I really can't even tell you enough how all of you mean mugs should enter if you fancy yourself a beauty blogger.

The process to enter is very easy, or you know that my lazy ass wouldn't have even attempted. And if you're all, "I'm not even that great of a blogger. Why bother? Pshhhaw on all of this," I say to you...



Put yourself out there. Give that sh*t a shot. At worst, nothing comes of it. At best, you have THE BEST EFFING EXPERIENCE OF YOUR LIFE. I got to do things that I never could have even dreamed of in 2.3 million years, seriously. Go over to Allure right this second and check out all of the details on the contest this year.

I love you all dearly, and I only want the best for all of your damn lives, so do you and go do this. That's as close to a motivational message that you'll ever get from my old, crotchety ass. Now, get off my lawn!








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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

Because my ass is full-on obsessed with Orange is the New Black, I made a weird Choose Your Own Adventure-style beauty game for you to live your beauty lives vicariously through your favorite ladies of OITNB. Figure out which one you are, and live your damn life accordingly. Check that sh*t here.



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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

This week for Allure, I ventured into this hot ass weather and how to keep your beauty sh*t tight when it's hot as hell. Go check out Hot Weather Beauty Hacks: Keep It All Together When The Going Gets Hot here.




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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

This week for Allure, I got off the Gatsby's jock (Finally! Dammit.) and explored my OTHER favorite movie makeup looks with mini tutorials. Ch-ch-check it here.

pic via allure



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'Tis the End of My Era, and Somehow...50 Cent.

This crap is going to be semi-sentimental, and pretty much just about me. (ME, ME, ME!) So if you aren't feeling that, feel free to skip ahead. I'll put everything after the break, so you won't be bothered by my stupid life.

via makemelaughgifs

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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

This week for Allure, I talk about just a handful of ways that I've effed up my (beauty) life in "I've Been Around the Beauty Block: My Biggest Beauty Mistakes (And How to Avoid Them)." Check it out here.



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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via growingpangs

I'm jealous as sh*t of everyone that gets to go to Coachella, because I'm a poor faux dirty hippie, and not a rich faux dirty hippie. So this week for Allure Magazine, I present to you, Anti-Coachella Beauty (Treat Yo' Self Because You Aren't in a Desert). Check it out here.




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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

This week for Allure, I tell you how to be a total '90s b (all over again). Damn, I'm old. Read all about it here.



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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

This week for Allure, I cover How to Pretend You're on a (Beauty) Spring Break, without all the debauchery. BOOO-RING. Check it out here.



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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

Ugh, you guys. This week for Allure I delve into the terrible reality that it's Daylight Saving this weekend, and how to save time with these beauty tips so your ass can sleep more. Read it all here.




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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

This week for Allure, we discuss Things You Should Be Doing Instead of Watching That Harlem Shake Video: Annoying Beauty Stuff You Really Shouldn't Skip. Go check that ish out -- sh*t's mandatory.




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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

This week for Allure, I explore dude beauty routines, and how we can derive our own tips from them. At least you're good for something, guys. I kid, I kid. Go check it out here.



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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

This week's Allure blog is all for you, beauty bloggers of the world. This is "Why You NEED to Enter the Allure Beauty Blogger Awards (Yes, You)."



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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

This week's Allure blog is for all you sicklings out there. And I present to you: How to Look Awesome When You Feel Like Total Garbage.

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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

It's almost Doomsday, b's! Make sure you're ready to still be presentable for the zombie folk, with my post apocalyptic beauty tips and tricks in my Allure blog this week. Click here to read that ish.




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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

pic via allure

This week in my Allure blog, I'm giving shaving tips for all of the ladies and gents in light of it being the end of Movember. Mustaches and all hairs be gone! Click here to see how to Get Mo' From Your Movember Shaving Excursion.


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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

Over on ye olde Allure blog today I pick my favorite beauty minis of the season, in honor of the release of the iPad mini. Ye should check it out yonder. And this ends my lame, half-assed attempt at olde english.



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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

pic via allure

Tonight is Halloween. (duh) That means if you don't clean your ish up tonight, after a wild night of crazy faced debauchery, you will look a hot, hot mess tomorrow. Go read my Allure blog for tips on how to clean up your Halloween hair and makeup mess.



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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

pic via allure

It's Fall, b*tches! To me that means I am trying to be all natural and ish, and stop using self tanner. Go over to Allure and read how to embrace yo' pale and tips to get Fall hot.


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