TINY HAMSTER THANKSGIVING IS HERE, AND IT IS THE SH*T

It's almost T-gives, which is pretty exciting in itself, because you get to eat your friggin' face off without mofos judging your every bite. I'LL HAVE A SLICE OF ALL THE PIES, THANK YOU, AND YOU CAN SAY NOTHING.

Sorry, mom.

But what's even better than bottomless crescent rolls? Tiny animals eating GD thimblefuls of cranberry sauce, that's what. Not to mention tiny lattice-topped pies and the wee-est turkey that's ever that's ever wee-ed.

This is the world's cutest Fauxsgiving, ever. So don't even try to top it, Jennifer Lawrence. Or Chris Pratt. Unless Pratt is topless. Maybe give it a go and see what happens.



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The DuckTales Theme Song Starring Actual Ducks Is Just What Humanity Needs

In these trying times of Bieber ATV-related arrests and Miley nips (see below), these adorably fluffy mother efffers are here to save the world. Or rewrite history.

I used to watch DuckTales and Captain Planet every day before school, so this bit of nostalgia is seriously the best thing I've seen in at least three days. The duck with the bow on her head???

It's too adorable. I can't handle it. And Scrooge McDuck swimming (nude in this instance -- risque!) in his gold? Help, I need to hold a baby duck immediately.

Just in case you have a case of oldie brain (like me), here's the OG version for science.



I can't wait to see live duck versions of all of my favorite TV show intros: KIDS Incorporated, Golden Girls, 90210, Orange is the New Black...It's all coming together, world. It's all coming together.



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If You're Having A Rough Week, Here's The Cutest Baby Hippo Alive

CAN YOU EVEN HANDLE THIS? The answer is either: a) doy, you can't, or b) you're a GD monster.

According to Buzzfeed, this beautiful little muffin is Olivia, and she's a one-month-old pygmy hippo living in a zoo in Sweden. So she's pretty much a damn international treasure.

Look at that little puppy butt! And those ears!

She's just a little piece of perfect, rubbery pie. I want to squish her little rolls together all day long.

And let's be real -- she's probably named after Olivia Benson, as every human should be. OLIVIA 4EVA!!!


via buzzfeed / pics via zoo's facebook



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Here's "Tiny Hamster In a Tiny Mansion," For All Of Your Monday Needs

Here we are. It's the beginning of another work week. Ain't that a bitch? Well, you know what isn't? This adorable-ass teensy hamster named Chicken just getting ready for the day.

Ugh, we know, Ryan. Don't come back until you're ready to show your abs and talk about your secret and going-to-be-a-gorgeous-creature baby.

CHICKEN 4 LYFE.



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My Life Has Been Pointless Until This Moment, Because Someone (Maybe) Captured A Chupacabra!

Let's be honest. You couldn't even focus on the alleged mythical beast after peeping the more mythical scene on JaQuée's head.(I'm assuming that's the legitimate spelling of Jackie's name.) Is that a teased George Washington wig? If so, get me some wooden teeth and pass me one, because homegirl is the definition of perfection. I want in.

Listen, I don't know what the shit that thing is in the cage, but I'm sure as hell not trusting Arlen Parma's opinion on anything. LAUGH IT UP, ARLEN. THIS IS NO JOKE. You better keep those hater blockers on to protect yourself from my searing eyeballs.

But you know what is a joke? This.

Where did they get this artist's rendering? A late night anime show on Cartoon Network? A pre-teen boy's biology notebook cover? Whoever dragged this effery out of the trash needs to take several damn seats. Quit playing.

The chupacabra bids you good day, news people, and so do I. I really have to go work on some shit. Chupy and I have a ton of new pics to post on our joint "Fans of Queen JaQuée" Instagram account.



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Quick Sh*t: The "Eff That" Cat

This b don't play, mmmmkay? Quit trying to get all up in his (or her -- I don't know your life) area. Humans are so friggin' annoying in the brain area.

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Thank You, Fun Ruiners of the World, for Ruining Everything I've Ever Loved.

There are very few things that I really, truly adore in life. And over the past few days, TWO of those things have been completely ruined for me.

via buzzfeed

 This b*tch. I have always wanted an eyepatch. Not out of necessity, born through terrible tragedy or anything, but just to wear. Kind of like when you're a kid, and you straighten out a paper clip to pretend like it's a retainer. (Why in weird kid brains did we do that crap?) So like that, but I'm in my thirties, and still pretending weird nonsense.

UNTIL I see Scott Disick, who is Kourtney Kardashian's boyfriend, if you are blissfully unaware (oh, how I envy you), wearing a MOTHER EFFIN' EMBROIDERED EYEPATCH. Can I have nothing in life that is important to me? Now I will NEVER be able to stroll along a wandering boulevard wearing my bedazzled eyepatch and jauntily swinging a cane that has a silver skull/bird's head/something else I haven't even thought of yet. Because every schmoe that passes will be thinking, "Oh, will you look at at pathetic b. She's totally pulling a Disick. What's next? Suede loafers on the beach?" When in the past they would have thought, "Cool eyepatch."

But the fun ruining horrors do not end there. Even KOALAS ARE NOT SACRED IN THIS WORLD.

via reddit

This is a web posting from a man trying to sell his koala bear. Which sounds amazing, because I love koala bears more than 99% of humans. Until you read the "bad" list of things about said koala bear. He raped and murdered a cat?!? He likes Vin Diesel movies?!? He puts shiny things in dog's asses?!? He's a racist?!? Between this and the crazy koala mask, I feel like all of my dreams and aspirations have been crushed. Never will a koala and I frolic on the beach together at sunset, while we spin around together in slow motion, because apparently he will attempt murder on my literal ass.

Does anyone want to ruin anything else for me? Is Ryan Reynold not hot anymore? Is wine not delicious now? I give up.

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GUUUUUURL of the Day: This Creeper in a Homemade, Arts and Crafts Koala Mask

via thisistheinternet

What in the eff kind of nonsense is this, Sir? I am an avid lovers of koala bears, and this crap is scary and all kinds of inappropriate for my mind grapes. (Sidenote: Is it normal for a woman in her 30's to still have a favorite animal? No? Then good thing I'm 26...Shut up!) Even the fake ass koala looks sad as hell. Plus, he has your spittle all over his crotchal area. Rude. I'm even offended that that poor koala has to be next to that shirt you're wearing. I can't see much of your skin tone, but I feel pretty confident that that color is doing NOTHING for you. I am not amused.

And in case you have no idea what I'm talking about (or were born in the 90's), here's a refresher.





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