Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

Ugh, you guys. This week for Allure I delve into the terrible reality that it's Daylight Saving this weekend, and how to save time with these beauty tips so your ass can sleep more. Read it all here.




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Random Homie: Clearogen Acne Treatment

Writing skincare reviews is hard as hell, you guys. Errrbody up in here has different skin, so I can't win them all. And I am frequently sent skin products that I'm sure are friggin' amazing, but because of my old ass, acne-prone, oily, nast skin, they don't work for ME. And then I can't share them with YOU, because I don't write fake crap. So when the peeps at Clearogen sent me a set of their acne treatment system to try, I was not super sold on it. It's a three part deal, so I was all, "I've tried Proactive like TWO MILLION times. It doesn't work for me."

clearogen two month supply set, $75

But I tried it anyway. It consists of a foaming cleanser, toner (both of which have some salicylic acid), and a benzoyl peroxide lotion. Sounds pretty basic, I know, but crap works. When I use these boo boos every night (listen, I'm a lazy b, it doesn't ALWAYS happen) as directed, my skin is pretty much 100% clear. Which just typically isn't in the effing cards for me, people.

I even conducted a little experiment and sacrificed my own skin to see if it was really the Clearogen working. I intentionally would stop using it for a week, and see if there was a difference. There totally was. I would, within a few days, start getting those annoying ass tiny bumps across my forehead, and then start breaking out. I don't know how this ish works -- probably tiny elves, riding on unicorns, with magic wands that shoot rainbows. Or this:



Full disclosure -- I didn't watch that, but I'm sure it's very informative and scientific. Truth is, I don't even care how it works. I'm just glad it does. I'm sadly almost out of my sample set, so I will actually be purchasing this magical goodness soon. Which is saying a lot. I have roughly 92,384,032 beauty prods, so I rarely buy more stuff. It's got to be MAGICAL UNICORN STATUS to make me spend more money, and this stuff is.

Yep, that good. Find out more about Clearogen here. And learn about the science and such, if you must, smarty pants.

P.S. Lance Bass uses this stuff, so you know it's the good good. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO SPACE.

 

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GUUUUUURL of the Day: The Human/Werewolf Guy

via reddit

This is apparently from some show on Syfy that I really should be watching, because this sh*t is straight comedy. The dude in the Tommy Bahama shirt is supposed to be "transforming" into a werewolf right before our very eyes. Sir, please. That mess is lame as eff. You are doing a hulk impression, pawing the ground, and letting out a half-assed howl. No. But the best part is after he's back to being a totally reg human and he's all, "Oh, damn. What time is it? Werewolf time flies when you're having fun. I've got a haircut in ten minutes."

Imma need a LOT more wine if you want me to start getting on this nonsense train. No.




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Drugstore Mofo's That Totally Live Up to The Hype

Listen. Nobody feels like spending an eff load of money on crap, when you can get great stuff on the cheap. The problem is, a lot of times with beauty sh*t you really do get what you pay for. But there are couple of really badass products that you can pick up at your favorite low-end retailer (Sorry Target, CVS, wherever the hell.) that work just as well -- if not better -- than that fancy pants mess.

l'oréal elnett extra stronghold hairspray (target, $12.99)

Wait -- why in gorgeous b hair hell did I wait until just now to try L'Oreal Elnett hairspray? And the sad part is, I got this in my Allure Best of Beauty swag, and it's been sitting in my apartment for, like, ever. What a complete douche I am. I've been using a higher-end hairspray for quite a while, and it really worked just fine. But I was digging through all of my sh*t the other day and came across this baby, and decided to see what all of the damn fuss was about. And there is a lot of fuss. This stuff is known as the cheap(er) industry favorite, and hairstylists love it, sometimes on the DL. (That's down low to you youngsters.) So I tried it, and son of a sh*t, it's really awesome. It's the finest-misting hairspray that I've ever used. I was originally a little put off by the whole "extra stronghold" mess, but this stuff is NOT Aquanet. It holds your styling, but is 100% brushable. I AM IN LOVE. GET IT.

l'oreal voluminous mascara (target, $5.84)

Okay, so I didn't realize until just this second that both of my picks come from L'Oreal. I didn't plan that ish. Truth. And I know that I've talked about L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara before, but it should be talked about often -- sh*t's the sh*t. Don't get me wrong, I love the expensive mascara as much as the next shallow gal, but this druggie(store) goodie is pretty much my favorite (or at least top two-ish), regardless of price. This is some ride-or-die b type lash stuff, right here. We're talking full, creamy (bleh), really volumizing mascara. Yaaaaas. Why get all expensive and fancy when that crap's not necessary? Not on my watch, people. Not on my watch.

Pinch 'dem pennies, baby.



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Just In Case You Need a Little Motivation to Get You Through the Rest of the Week

This could be you.

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Nope.

I don't even want to know what kind of effery those pant are, or what sorority (my apologies, sorority people) girl you stole this whack ass pose (and pants) from, but this sh*t is damn ridiculous. There's only one thing we can do to remedy this situation.

 

Yep, much better.

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Dammit, Ryan Gosling and Jennifer Lawrence. Stop Trying to Out Cute Each Other in My Heart!

via buzzfeed

Sonofab*tch. Ryan Gosling is cuter than a friggin' panda holding a baby koala wearing a monocle and an ascot. It's almost like this sh*t can't even be real. I think that Ry Gos might be an alien/android hybrid sent from outer space to steal our hearts, and ish. I mean, a person COULDN'T be cuter than this b, like, ever. Right?



Mother effer. J Law, you are making my heart explode. Why are you so cool? I really can't even handle either of these b's. It's too much. It's making me feel an emotion, and that' sh*t's not cool with me. Oh, and reporter dude that asked about her "peaking too early?" You, sir, are a dick. Can't a b*tch have LIKE FIVE MINUTES of happiness after winning an Oscar? Rude as eff. And that's saying something, coming from my ass.

P.S. If you want to buy one of those RG dish towels, you can do so here. Fifteen dollars never spent itself so easily.

P.P.S. The interviewer in the Gosling vid is pretty cool, too. Props to her for not being a dick.



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