Wednesday, December 12, 2012
GUUUUUURL of the Day: Everyone I Know, for Not Getting This Dude to Do a Dance for Me
Why can't this dude "YOOOOUP" twerk it up in a circle for my birthday? Dammit, Aaron. You're such a damn good gift giving hog. But for real, that was really weird. Why did that man have to wear a skirt? Why did that man have to then lift the skirt? Why do old people love wearing socks and awkward shoe combos? BUT REALLY, WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIFT THE SKIRT???
This is my dog, Wiggy, and we both usually think that everything is the worst, so it just seems apropos at this point. (And, yes, I made a meme of my own dog. Get off my junk.) But you know what isn't the worst? Tickling baby penguins named Cookie.
See, everything ended up okay in the end. Now we won't all be hearing "YOOOOUP" in our dreams, and envisioning undergarments that just can't be unseen.
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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote
It's almost Doomsday, b's! Make sure you're ready to still be presentable for the zombie folk, with my post apocalyptic beauty tips and tricks in my Allure blog this week. Click here to read that ish.
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Allure
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Beauty
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Beauty Blogger of the Year
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Zombies
Random Homie: PureCeuticals Multi-Enzyme Pumpkin Peel
PureCeuticals Pumpkin Peel, $42 |
- No Parabens
- No Sulphates
- Products not tested on animals
- No Petrochemicals
- Fragrance composed with 100% essential oils
- Environmentally Conscience
Until I buy the big daddy...Then my face will once again have purpose.
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Tuesday, December 11, 2012
My Child-Sized Spirit Animal Lives in My Town, and I Had No Idea
Apparently this little boy's stage name is "Little Fear," and he has been dancing with the Tampa Bay Buc's cheerleaders this season. My ass hates sports, so I was left completely unaware that there was a little dude that lives in my area that can werk it like a mofo. I've never been so jealous of a young boy.
Okay, so maybe this is is a close second.
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Should I be Turned On, or Weirded Out Right Now?
via ohnotheydidn't |
Ugh. That's curly mullet gets me every time.
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Dudes
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I Hate Myself
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I'm Awkward
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Monday, December 10, 2012
Fake Your Way to a Knocked Up Glow
We all know by now that the Duchess of somewhere (formerly common-type lady known as Kate Middleton) is pregnant with the royalest royal baby that's ever royaled. Sidebar: What if it comes out all ginger-y and Prince Harry like? Wouldn't that be awesome? Okay, I'm getting off track. Pregnant ladies are known for having that lovely ass glow of life, or something. But what about for people like me, who will probably never have a kid-in-the-uterus type situation happening? I'm more of the "fly solo around the world and die alone" type. (Possibly RIP, Ameila Erhardt.) Don't cry for me, Argentina, it's just my personality. I'd rather read 2.7 million books alone. (I had a sh*t ton of Book It free personal pan pizzas racked up when I was a kid.) Luckily, I have pawed through a lot of beauty products to MANUFACTURE THE GLOW.
I have found a beast of a combo when it comes to glowing cheeks. I start with tarte's amazonian clay blush (I use the color Natural Beauty, but you can do whatever rocks your ish.) for staying power. NOTHING stays on my oily mug like this blush does. Then I like to top it off with Nars blush in Orgasm, to give the cheeks a little shimmer and glow.
If you are looking for an all over face glow, I have found two great products at opposite ends of the rich b*tch scale. I was given the Chanel Lucky Stripes sometime/somewhere, and have found it to be quite friggin' delightful. I find myself using it when I want to be all glowy-faced and a pretty, pretty princess. But let's be real -- ish is expensive. If you are a little lighter in the pocketbook (I'm looking at myself), then the Physician's Formula Pearls of Perfection is a little more realistic. It's not AS great as the Chanel powder, but it's pretty damn good for a drugstore product, so don't cry over it and sh*t.
What about pregnant lady hair? I've always heard that they have great hair days, like for nine months. Must be hormones. Freaking science, man. I have been loving davine's Nounou Illuminating Conditioner to keep my hair looking flossy, lately. It's super gentle, and moisturizes hair without being heavy and gross.
Now don't be offended if people ask if you're expecting. It's not your empire-waited top, it's your gorgeous ass glow. Glow worms have nothing on you, boo!
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tarte amazonian clay blush in natural beauty, $25 & nars blush in orgasm, $28 |
chanel's lucky stripes iridescent powder, $95 & physician's formula pearls of perfection, about $13 |
davine's nounou illuminating conditioner, $22.50 at drugstore.com |
Now don't be offended if people ask if you're expecting. It's not your empire-waited top, it's your gorgeous ass glow. Glow worms have nothing on you, boo!
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Friday, December 7, 2012
GUUUUUURL of the Day: Rose McGowan's...Errrm...Something
I was planning on making Pizza Hut's pizza-scented perfume today's GUUUUUURL, but then I came across these pictures of Rose McGowan.
There are a couple of issues here. First off, Rose might actually look worse than I do as a blonde. I think Rose is gorgeous, usually, but something is...hmmmm..weird here. And also --
Is it me, or is she giving off a total Candy Spelling vibe here? I equal parts can't put my finger on it/can't look away. And let's be real, that sweater isn't helping the sitch, either. How does a person that was once engaged to Marilyn Manson don a festive ass Christmas sweater like that?
I mean, remember ALL OF THIS? Homegirl was naked and wearing strippery chain mail. I saw every no no spot that ever existed on a human, and now woven prancing deer? It really is an enigma wrapped in a mystery. My feelings on these pictures can pretty much only be summed up with this.
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via buzzfeed |
Is it me, or is she giving off a total Candy Spelling vibe here? I equal parts can't put my finger on it/can't look away. And let's be real, that sweater isn't helping the sitch, either. How does a person that was once engaged to Marilyn Manson don a festive ass Christmas sweater like that?
I mean, remember ALL OF THIS? Homegirl was naked and wearing strippery chain mail. I saw every no no spot that ever existed on a human, and now woven prancing deer? It really is an enigma wrapped in a mystery. My feelings on these pictures can pretty much only be summed up with this.
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GUUUUUURL of the Day
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I'm Confused
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What Is Happening Here
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