Have You Guys Heard? Miley Cyrus Works Out.

I must start this out by saying that I follow ol' MC (no, not Mariah Carey) on Twitter. I know, there is no good reason for a damn 31 year old woman to follow Miley Cyrus, but here we are. I have noticed a trend with Miley over the past couple of weeks. B LOVES to show a belly-showing self photo on the Twitter. Don't believe me?

Okay, honey boo boo. OH-KAY. Yoooooou (Soulja Boy, Tell 'Em) look good. You been pilates-ing more than Joseph Pilates could ever even imagine in his wildest dreams, during an amazing night's sleep after reading Good Night Moon or even a Berenstain Bears book on working out. We gots it. But you know who has two thumbs and can't even judge yo' ass? This guy.

See? I totally  win the douche award from at least '99-'01, and possibly even currently. Please believe if Twitter (or even Myspace) were around in the late 90's/early 00's, my everything would probably be all over everything. Praise baby Jesus that I'm an old ass b.

pic via buzz feed

So go 'head Miley. You do you.


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Oh...My...Stars...

Pic via In Touch Weekly

 You guys. It's tanning mom, and she doesn't look THAT insane! Honey Boo Boo got a little side bang kickin', nice lippie happening, and letting the girls show. (Okay, that went too far.) But most importantly, B STOPPED TANNING! What's her address? I want to send her one of those recordable congratulations cards. Go head, lil' mama.



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Put This On Yo' Face: Mila Kunis Everyday Smokey Eye Tutorial

Here's Mila Kunis lookin' all sexy and ish. And here's a tutorial based on that bangin' face of hers:



And here are the swatches of those bangin' Make Up Forever Aqua Shadows:

Yeah, you are welcome.


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Am I Done Here?

Pic via Us Weekly

Here is Brad Pitt filming some movie where he looks pretty unfortunate. I mean am I right? Homeboy's face is toeing a VERY fine line to the color and texture of his boots. I say this with a heavy heart, but I think that my love affair with Brad Pitt is over. And this is no fly-by-night deal. I actually have proof of just how long I have been into this b.

Here I am having an (obviously) badass sleepover in the early(ish) 90's, which apparently involved a lot or tag team telephone time. Fun. You are welcome, everyone's face that I blurred out. Ugh. How annoying does my room look? And look at the luxury TV I have kickin' in the corner. I was a preteen boss. Now, lets focus on what's really important here.

There's Brad Pitt, from Legends of the Fall, taking up prime real estate on my ugly ass floral wallpaper. (BTW, if you've never watched that movie, watch that ish. It's seriously really effin' good. And it has the kid from ET in it.) Don't get me wrong, BP is still a hot man. I just feel like the magic is gone. I blame Angelina Jolie.

Are you guys still into Bradley? Or have we moved on to b's like Harry Potter or whatever? (Shudder.)



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PTL. Something Cheap That Works Like a MoFo. (Or at Least a Mo. Or a Fo.)

By this time, if you know ANY effin' THING about me, you know a couple of things: I am an oily, oily ass b, and I love some cheapness. But I really hate when something is cheap and doesn't work. I have a freakin' crap load of junk that falls into that category.

On the oily tip, I feel like I have tried almost every dry shampoo out there. From cheap to expensive, powder that you shake on to spray nonsense, I've tried it all. Back in the day, when my hair was so blonde that it was pretty much white, baby powder was my jam. I mean it's made to absorb moisture. Bam! Done. But now that my hair is dark, that ish is completely out the window. Don't even attempt that mess, you will look like a trashy attempt at a George Washington costume. Not good. Back to the point, I have yet to find a dry shampoo in all of my explorations that really does a bomb ass job. I'm usually served up with a big ol' helping of "meeeeeh," with a large side of still oily hair.

Which brings me to a few weeks ago. One of my friends, who feels my oily/dark hair/every dry shampoo sucks pains let me know that she had found a winner in the dry shampoo. Enter Salon Grafix Invisible Dry Shampoo:

You can buy it pretty much anywhere, from Walmart to Target to Walgreens (or wherever the eff) and it's about $6 or $7. I was pretty "b please" about it before I tried it, because usually these 'invisible' dry shampoos are: a) not invisible, and b) don't friggin' work. But I have to say, I was impressed by this lil' dude. I read some of the low reviews on Amazon, and I have to put this out there -- don't spray it on the ends of your hair if you want your hair to be soft and shiny. SPRAY IT ON YO' ROOTS, PEOPLE. I actually took some before and after pictures of my three day unwashed gross hair. Those of you with a weak stomach, avert your eyes.

Not bad. I wouldn't win even World's Ugliest Dog beauty pageant or anything, but much, much better. One and a half thumbs up! (If you are of normal oily levels, this will be your new b.)




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True Blood Musings: They Can't All Be Blood Fests...

The highlight of the show this week was LaLa's head wrap/earring/eyelash combo. Love it. Let's talk about the rest of this week's snooze fest-ish episode.

Jump that ish!


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Weirdest Beauty Review to Write...

It's no secret up in these parts that I am a True Blood fan. So I was super excited when HSN sent me their fragrance inspired by True Blood, Forsaken, to try. But here's the rub: How the eff do you even review a perfume? Like how can I describe a smell to you? I don't know ish about "fragrance notes" or whatever. I feel like that's something that a sommelier or something would know about. Or maybe Heather from the Real Housewives of OC. She's fancy.

See, I don't even know what the hell bergamot is. Sigh.

So, let me give my amateurish, I-wore-Sunflowers-for-a-long-ass-time review. It smells really good. Okay, see you guys later! No. It has a slightly muskier, darker, sexy vanilla-ish smell. It smells like a sexy vampire. Like how Pam might smell, for instance. Like "I might devour you, or I might let you live." I'm totally into it. Like this:

Minus the Herve Leger dress, plus vanilla. The entire True Blood collection is available for purchase only on HSN August 9th. You can see for your self what this potion smells of. Or Heather, help me.






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