Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Lazy Custom DIY Mani: The Creamsicle!

Have you ever thought about the fact that you don't have to be limited to the nail polish color options in your CVS? (Or Sephora if you're fancy.) I almost always have some crazy color polish idea in my head that I want to come to life. So I usually just make it myself. And it's not hard. (Duh, I wouldn't do that ish. I avoid actual work like the plague.)

Lately, I have been craving a creamsicle. (Popsicle and manicure) But I haven't found a creamy, light orange polish in stores. So here's what I did.


I took two polishes that I already own (cheap a b), and combined them. I took the white polish (It's was pretty skanked out, too.) and poured out about half of it. Then I poured in about half of the orange polish into the white bottle. Now I still have the orange (that I'm still into), and I'm using the crappy a white that I would have thrown out anyway. Life is like a box of chocolates...I don't know what that has to do with a damn thing.

Let's see how this mess turned out.


I'm into it. I want to eat my wrinkly little fingers off it's so creamsicle-y! And wasn't that mess easy as eff? And it's not like you have to have a freaking lab (meth or otherwise) to get this ish done! Let's see what one of my dogs thinks about it.


Obvs, she likes it. What do you b's think? Will you try this? Or do you think I'm trash? (The correct answers are "yes" and "yes.")

P.S. Don't bring up my dog's tooth situation. She's sensitive about that ish.




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Monday, April 23, 2012

I Say This Without a Drop of Irony: I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS MESS

G-L-A-M-O-R-OUS. Yes.
 It has just been confirmed that Lindsay Lohan will be starring in the Lifetime biopic of Elizabeth Taylor's life. If you haven't gotten eyeball cramps from all of the rolling of them that you're doing, wait for this ish. The name of the movie: Liz & Dick. What the WHAT? Liz Taylor would be slapping a b across the face with some glittery gloves if she knew about this. That dame would NOT want the name of her biopic to sound like it belongs in the Romancing the Bone porn collection.

Was Tori Spelling not available? That b knows how to turn out a Lifetime movie. If you haven't seen this gem, you are missing out hardcore.

A wonderful cinematic experience
P.S. I found this while trying to find a picture from one of my favorite movies:

Amazing.
If Walt started dating a character played by Tori Spelling on Breaking Bad, I could die right now happily.

I doesn't take much for me.



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Friday, April 20, 2012

I Don't Know Much, But I Have Friends That Do: Skin Care Edition

One of my homeslices, Ginger Francis, is a bad ass medical aesthetician, so I called that b yesterday to get some tips on keeping your skin on point. And trust, I need all the help I can get. I have had skin issues for almost 20 years. I had horrible cystic acne in my teens, which has translated to occasional adult acne and scarring. Fun! It's a hot mess. So I got her to answer my biggest questions about aging, acne, and her favorite skin care products.

I first asked her what most people don't know about skin, and skin care. She says that your dead skin cells will just keep building up over time, making your skin dull and blah, if you don't do something about it. So exfoliation is very important, and you need to do it regularly. Think of exfoliation like it's working out, and think of the products that you use as your diet. You don't do 10 crunches, eat one salad, and have a six pack. You have to maintain that ish! Her best regimen recommendation for aging is: cleanser, toner (if you're oily), a vitamin c treatment, and some kind of retinol (like Retin-A). Retinols help to get rid of those old, ugly skin cells.

She says that vitamin c will brighten the skin, and give a youthful glow. Sounds good, right? My old a needs all the youth I can get. Here's her pick for a vitamin c treatment.

Obagi Professional-C Serum



Here's the cheap pick that I use. Don't ask me if it works. Hell if I know, but it's silky and not oily!

Avalon Organics Vitamin C Serum

Ginger also recommends using Retin-A daily. She says it's the most prescribed product/drug (whatever the hell you want to classify it as) for wrinkles AND acne. I have recently started back on the Retin-A train, although I have only been doing every other night in order to avoid peeling. (Ginger said I'm a baby and I should use it every night. Whatevs. )

On the nights that I don't use Retin-A, I've been using this retinol product from Neutrogena.

Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Serum

I've only been using it a couple of weeks, so we'll see if this is the business like I've been hearing for the past couple of months or not. But it's less than $20, and it's not oily, so I'm in for now.

Ginger says the one must-have for anti-aging is sunscreen, hands down. She says even if you are exfoliating and all that jazz, you will just keep damaging skin cells without sunscreen. Her favorite is ClearChoice Sport Shield Anti-Aging SPF 45 Sunscreen.

So how about all of the mess that we do wrong??? First off, stop using a wash cloth on your face. It's too harsh and can break down collagen. And be careful with waxing your eyebrows! Pulling on the skin can damage it, as well. Try threading for more of a gentle hair removal technique. 

If acne is an issue, Ginger recommends keep your routine simple; don't change products constantly, it can just inflame the skin even more. And most importantly, keep your hands OFF your face! As far as products go, she likes the Obagi Clenziderm Pore Therapy for oily skin, and the Obagi Clenziderm Therapeutic Lotion for dry skin.

And her favorite drugstore skin care product? She swears by Palmer's Skin Success Complexion Soap.


She hoards it, so go buy some before she buys every bar in existence!

Wow, that's a lot of information. I don't know that my tiny little brain can hardly handle it all. Do you guys have any specific skin care questions? I don't know much, but I can call people. I'm talented that way.

Now let's all get glowy together! (Or as much as my terrible skin will allow...)




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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Breaking News: Donatella Versace (and I) Love Downton Abbey


Donatella told Harper's Bazaar regarding her normal day:

"If I am on my own, I might watch some TV. I only watch the news on TV. Otherwise I catch up on movies on DVD. Recently I watched The Help, The Ides of March, and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. I'm also a big fan of Downton Abbey."

Me too, homegirl! Twinsies!

Obivously, the Dowager Countess is NOT feeling it. And neither is this cat:



I smell a viewing party, Tell-ster!

P.S. Try not to become overwhelmed by my photoshopping skills. I know they are uber intimidating.



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I'm Totally Into This Mess




 Let me start off by saying that I'm full-on jealous as hell that I didn't go to Coachella. I'm totally a dirty hippie at heart (Dr. Bronner's 4 EVA!), minus the dirt and the outdoor stuff. I'm going next year and I don't give an ish if I'm too old. If Pacey's old bones can go, I can too.

Anyway, Katy Perry showed up to Coachella with a new hair color: dark purple. And I love it! I wasn't that into the blue (or even the blonde), but this is super hot. It helps that her eyebrow game is on point in this picture, too. Those things are kickin' it, honey boo boo.  If I were 10 years younger (or even five) I would rock the hell out of this hair. (And that dress! Minus the flower...) But instead,  10 years ago I looked like this:

My. God.
Yes, I am wearing a children's Eeyore shirt that I have fashioned into a cropped halter top. What you can't see is that my friend is wearing a matching outfit. (I cropped her out to protect her identity. I know she'll read this -- you're welcome.) Oh, the early 2000's...You truly were quite a gem.


Guess who else was there (except for, like, everyone)? Oh, Linds. You are such a card. I seriously don't know what kind of artificial nonsense you have pumped into your mug, but is it bad that I like it? I know I shouldn't approve of a 25 year old (!!!) getting fillers or whatever in her face, but she's looking refreshed! And her hair? It's so Victoria's Secret Angel-y! This is the least dirty Lilo has looked in YEARS and she's at Coachella. It's a Coachella miracle!


What do you guys think? Do you like Katy's purple hair? How about Lilo's work? Let's dish on this ish.



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Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Bill Ruins EVERY. THING.

Ugh, ignore Bill and focus on the PENGUIN (!!!)
Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer's rep have confirmed to Entertainment Weekly that ol' Sooks is pregnant. Dammit, Bill! If you ruin True Blood for me, I'll hate you forever. (Too late.) Maybe there was a TB staff hot tub party and things got frisky, and there's a possibility that it's Eric or Alcide's kid.

A girl can dream...

P.S. I googled 'Alcide' (Shut up, it's RESEARCH!) and found this:

 If all of my printer cartridges are dried up tomorrow, I think we all know why.


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Aaaaaand I'm Done.



I've had a slight obsession with Hot Stoddy for a while, but sadly it's been tapering off in the past few months. I don't think I can handle this b anymore. I love a hot, hot mess, but this ish is getting to insane levels of gross.

I can't watch this video without feeling like I am complicit in some kind of illegal something or other. And this isn't even close to being the worst.  C Stodd has a YouTube Channel featuring some full-fledged creepy ish. A video of her jumping rope in lingerie and a 'countdown' (Until her 18th Birthday, natch. Bleh.) video in which she moans (Literally.) about her foot hurting are some of the material included. It's all pretty nauseating.

So sorry, Courtney. I'm not going to use the old "It's not you, it's me" thing. It's you and your creepy deal. (Deal = Husband) I wish the best for you, and hope you get placed with a nice foster family soon. One that believes in wearing clothes.



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