Random Homie: Dr. Dennis Gross Clarifying Colloidal Sulfur Mask

Clarifying Colloidal Sulfur Mask, $42

Who doesn't love a good face mask? (No, not like a Halloween deal-y, although those are pretty dope -- yep, I went there -- too. Except for the rubbery smell when you're wearing them. Not dope.) I've tried my fair share of the sulfur-based masks for acne skin, and I'm usually pretty friggin' "meh" over most of them. They can be overly-drying, or give you that red post-mask weird face thing, that kind of makes you look like you're just wearing a reddish mask upon your mug. So, when the Dr. Gross peeps sent me this mask to try, I was a little worried that it would be one of those culprits. But, no suh (that's my southern twang), it wasn't, to my delight. And better yet, my skin looks instantly cleaner and brighter after using this mask. But let's hear from the experts what it does:

A dermatologist formulated mask that clarifies the skin by absorbing excess oil and acne-causing bacteria. The advanced “time absorbent” formula works especially well when worn overnight.

I also tried it overnight, and it wasn't weird at all. But I feel like the ten minute job does everything it needs to just fine. You can also use it to spot treat blemishes, and it totally shrinks them. Even my big ass gross ones. The dispenser took some getting used to -- it's like a flat pump with a little hole thing that you just push down on to get the goodness out. I'm kind of a dumbass, so I was flipping that sh*t all around like an freaking baton to try to get the pump to work. The good thing is, you just need to leave that b upright and push down. Let me do all of the hard work for your ass, mmmmkay?

Check out the mask for yourself here.



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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Lil' Waynes NEWEST Face Tattoo. (The Old Ones are Kind of Grandfathered in, I Guess.)

pic via spin

I mean, I really didn't even think that this needed to be said, but apparently, it does: Tattooing sh*t on your face is not a great idea. Not only did Lil' Wayne (Side note -- how long in life can one be known as "Lil'" whatever? Is there an age cap on that? I feel like if you are a septuagenarian, or something, it's gone on far too long.) get another face tattoo, but this one reads "BAKED" in squares. It's apparently in reference to a skateboard company competitor? Or something? I don't know, you go try to figure that mess out. I'm far, far too old to know what the eff all of this means.

One thing that I do feel pretty, pretty confident about is not getting a tattoo...on your face. Especially when it's a possible advertising ploy. Like, you realize that is your FACE face, right? And you already have a bunch of OTHER tattoos on that b? You only have one forehead, Lil'. Let's not make it a cluttered Penny Saver advertising page. IT'S YOUR FACE, MAN.

via realitytvgifs

You look crazy.



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Happy New Year, A-holes.

Don't take offense, I'm claiming 2013 as the year of the a-hole. Ask anyone that knows me IRL. (That means in real life, DAD! GOD!)

via jenniferdoescrackships

Let's do this mess. Biebs, put away your nips.




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File This Under: Sh*t I Hope Not to See in the New Year

I am not shy about my confusion over Justin Bieber. I just don't understand -- but sometimes parents just don't understand. (I am at least of parental age, people. I should just accept that ish. Oh, and this is of note about that link I posted -- DJ JAZZY JEFF HAS A MOTHER EFFING VEVO. WHAT IS HAPPENING???) But for some reason, mostly my complete hatred of myself, I follow Biebs on the ol' instagram. And lemme tell you a little something; I can't handle seeing any more Bieber nipple. Not because it's giving me the Bieber fever. Oh no, it is quite the opposite.

via JB's instagram

First came this shot, which is bad enough. It brought the slight quease. I don't want to see you, Bieber, in all of your baby tattooed/baby abdominaled glory. And that face? No. But the insanity didn't stop there. Oh, no.

duh, via baby bieb's insta again

WHAT THE HOLY EFF??? I do apologize for the inconvenience of only being able to see 1.2 Bieber nipple. Oh, wait. No, I don't. This is just entirely too much. I feel straight ILLEGAL AS F*CK at this point. And obviously everyone else did too, because he deleted this mess. I see you, Justin Marie Bieber (it just fits), I see you. You will not become a sex symbol. You will have to pull the laptop from my cold, dead hands.

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"I Got Cramps, All Right?"

I am a slightly saavy person of the world. I'm not completely out of touch with how sh*t works, so I totally understand that things like products placements are necessary to the world of TV and movies. Get that money, boo. But take a gander at this and tell me that you don't want to simultaneously want to stab out your own eyeballs, ear holes, and maybe even uterus.



WTF, soap operas? It's not enough that you're already the worst, you have to be like, THE WORST? This sh*t made me hate having a uterus, Midol, and pink sateen, all in one swift kick to the lady flower. And apron being all inquisitive about that nonsense made it all even worse. Go eat some delicious cheese sticks in the back, or something.

If you're sick of Grumpy Cat, then you best avert your eyes. Because that b is my number one homegirl, forever and ever. We always seem to exude the same feelings from our eyes. It's the anti-smize.






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Random Homie: Pixi Lash Line Ink in Black Silk

Holy eff, you guys. It's already NYE. How the hell did that happen?!? We survived the Mayan apocalypse, so now it's time to look super sexual for your New Year's nonsense you've got happening tonight. And maybe that ish involves a sexy ass winged eyeliner. If so, I have the RH for dat azz.

pixi lash line ink in black silk, $16 @ target

The Pixi Lash Line Ink is pretty badass, mofos. The tip is soooo freakin' thin it should be illegal (don't be a perv), so you can totally pull off the extreme (or not) winged liner look.

It's also really inky and dark, which is the business, in my book. I do apologize for the lack of other makeup in these pictures, but I'm a lazy b. I have zero excuses. These pictures are also kind of Aeon Flux-y, which is both gross and creepy. What can I say? I'm the worst, and I hope to induce nightmares.

If you're ready to bring the full-on sex, go get the Pixi Lash Line Ink in Black Silk at your local Target. It's almost THIS sexy.

via 90210gifs

But let's be real, nothing is THAT sexy. Is that a wetsuit top tucked into jorts? I can hardly contain myself.

P.S. While you're there, I dare you not to try this on. It's impossible. Impossible, I tell you.




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I Think Kanye West Wants Us to Put the Lotion on Its Skin.

pics via buzzfeed, via some instagram

I'm all for edgy. And dudes wearing skirts. And doing whatever the eff you feel like. Unless you look scary, which I feel like this is creepin' straight up in the latter category. (Truth bomb: I just had to re-edit the first two sentences roughly three times, because I've had some wine.) This is some Legends of Ga'Hoole meets Silence to the Lambs type sh*t.



It's friggin' weird, and I don't like it. Imagine what the inside of that mask must smell like. It's a feathery, owl mullet. Bleeeeeeeh.

via mrhankey

Okay, I have to go now, before my sh*t get out of hand.




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