Bronzy Beauts: My Favorite Shimmery Neutral Shadows At Every Price

I love a bronze eye on basically every-damn-one. It's one of those pretty universally flattering shades, regardless of skin tone/hair/eye color/friggin' astrological sign/whatever. It's just a go-to deal for me -- if I find myself in one of those what-am-I-even-doing-with-a-face-today moods, I throw on a bronze-ish eyeshadow and move on to not caring about another topic.

Because I have really been on that bronze train for the long-haul, I've come across my fair share of great shadows. So here is a complete roundup of my favorites, with bonus picks, because I'm indecisive like woah.

The Super-Power (Susan) Powders

My pick for high-end shadow is probably the eyeshadow I use more than anything else on this silly ol' planet, and that is Smog from the OG Urban Decay Naked Palette ($54). You can also buy it solo ($18), if that tickles your fancy more specifically. The lighting on this picture is half-shitty, so just take my word for it when I tell you that Smog is bronze with a dash of olive. It's perfect, in my eyes. And on my eyes.

For a drugstore shadow, I've chosen the nameless bronze (it's the fourth one over on the top row) from the Maybelline The Nudes Palette ($10). The shade of this dude is very similar to Smog, and the texture is pretty solid. It's just a little less silky than some of the more expensive brands. For the price, I can totally live with it. I'm not THAT much of a princess. This is still good shit.

I also chose two runners-up for powder shadows, and it seems that both of these cats may or may not be discontinued.

Baroque from the Kat Von D True Romance Palette seems to be completely gone from the Sephora website (RIP), and the Revlon PhotoReady Graffiti shadows seem to be only available on Amazon. Well, a day late and a dollar short are kind of my life themes, so at least I'm consistent?

If you do seem to happen upon either of these shadows, they're both more of a "true bronze" than the other two. If that's a thing. 

 I Don't Think You're Ready For This Gel(y)

So, remember 3.6 seconds ago when everything was discontinued and I sucked? Apparently my selection for the best high-end gel shadow, the Make Up For Ever Aqua Shadows, are also discontinued. MUFE sent me some of these gel shadow pencils a while back, AND I LOVE THEM. Looks like I'll be taking up hoarding.

Luckily, it looks like the Aqua Shadows have been replaced with the Aqua Matic ($21), and this Satiny Warm Brown shade looks really similar to the old-school #22E bronze baby. So I'm not THE WORST the worst. Just almost.

For a more affordable gel-ish option, I really can't get enough of ColourPop in Game Face ($5). It's the bronziest of the bronze, and has a liquid metal finish. It also costs less than a Venti large coffee from Starbucks. So pretty much "Gimme (Gimme) More" was written about these shadows. I need them all.

My honorable mention goes to Maybelline Color Tattoo in Bad to the Bronze ($6.99). This almost has more of a golden taupe hue, so it's a little cooler-toned. Color Tattoo shadows are really pretty badass, because they last FOREVER. Like, I had trouble washing the swatch off of my arm levels of forever. If you have trouble with your shadow lasting all day, this will change your damn life.

life-changing makeup moment

Okay, that's it. I've exhausted my bronze shadow files. If you have others that you think I need to try, let my ass know. I clearly can never have enough. And on that note...

BYE.




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THE TRAILER FOR THE WHITNEY HOUSTON LIFETIME BIOPIC IS HERE

I was 100% fully prepared to hate on this Whitney biopic from Lifetime. This is a really tough story to tell, about one of America's vocal treasures, and it's not like that network has a stellar rep when it comes to their tell-all celebrity biopics. So I was expecting straight-up horrible shit before I watched this.

BUT I WAS WAY WRONG, MAN. This looks really pretty frickin' stellar. Here's why I think this biopic might actually really, really work.

#1 -- Angela Bassett is directing.

And if you don't know that Angela Bassett can do no wrong in my heart, now you know.

#2 -- Ms. Houston is being played by Yaya from America's Next Top Model. And that show is my shit, even though it's one of the most ridiculous things on earth. (I love you, TyTy.) But I don't think that Yaya going to butcher this thing, because this reads very Whitney to me.

#3 -- The wigs aren't horrible. Whitney went through many hair changes over the time that this movie covers, and I saw very few bad wigs with my eyeballs.

Bravo.

Now we'll all be waiting to exhale until the premiere of Whitney on Lifetime on January 17th. (Sorry, I had to.)









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WTF O' The Day: Usher Charged His Phone Using A Lady's Bathing Suit Area

Usher Apparently Paid $20 To Charge His iPhone In A Woman’s Vagina http://t.co/szAqmwUrbQ pic.twitter.com/zNpIVKd2qV
— BuzzFeed (@BuzzFeed) December 5, 2014

To be logged in the the Book of WHYYYYYYYY, Art Edition™: Usher charged his cellphone using a woman's vagina for performance art. (Little known fact -- the Book of WHYYYYYYYY? was started by Nancy Kerrigan. Too soon?)

sorry i did you wrong, nanc.

This just proves that I don't know shit about art. I usually just picture people painting and stuff, and maybe something semi-scandalous happens, like in that Big Eyes movie. I never thought to put a battery pack into my lady cave and charge my favorite '90s R&B dude $20 to jump start his iPhone. That's just entrepreneurial. And thinking outside the box. (I deeply apologize for that.)

I think if I were going to battery (literally) pack myself, I would power up a panini press. Or maybe a George Foreman grill. You know, give back to the community with my downstairs food. Or I could plug in a boombox that played Salt 'n' Pepa on a cassette tape around the clock. Those are really my only viable options.

Okay, I'm done here. I promise.




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Miley Cyrus Seriously Has Zero Effs Left To Give

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on Dec 12, 2014 at 3:13am PST

If you thought that Miley had hit the epitome of the least amount of effs to give before, you were wrong. Oh so wrong. And here's your concrete proof.

Homie performed the other night in Miami at Art Basel, and this is the ode-to-Cher's-If-I-Could-Turn-Back-Time-video outfit she wore. Well, part of it. There were some semi outfit changes.

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on Dec 12, 2014 at 3:23am PST

There was the addition of this appendage.

You know the nights been a good one when you stole a shirt from a stripper

Une photo publiée par Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) le Déc. 12, 2014 at 3:23 PST

Then a gifted stripper shirt for her bathroom ensemble.

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on Dec 12, 2014 at 1:46pm PST

And she finally just gave up on all the tops and wore disco ball pasties. You know, when in Rome, and all.

I have to hand it to Miley. She does whatever the shit she feels like, and doesn't feel the need to apologize for it. Do your thing, butterbean.

But if you feel like your eyeballs now need a little refreshing cleanse after all of those nearly-nude hijinks, here are some sibling beagles playing with a toy snake. Happy Friday in this beyotch!




vid via tastefully offensive Pin It

Lazy Blogging: Read Something I Already Wrote

pic via allure

First off, this image makes my brain feel crazy because my eyeballs assume that it's a Magic Eye print, and force me to start searching for a Statue of Liberty, or something. Secondly, I wrote a fun slideshow for Allure this month, that gives beauty meanings to basic emojis. Because why not?

If you want to check it, do so here. If not, make up your own meanings. Or try to find Lady Liberty in the picture above. It's your brain, use it how you please.



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The Top 10 Very Best Things About Britney Spears

Happy National Britney Jean Spears Day! (It's not an official national holiday, but it is in my heart.) Today is Brit Brit's 33rd birthday, so I will be celebrating in the only way that I know how -- by counting down my top ten favorite things about the world's biggest Cheetos lover.

Let's talk about all Britney everythang.

#10 -- The K Fed wedding

The Britney/K Fed era was a weird time, man. It brought about terrible things like that reality show, but also amazing treasures like this wedding picture. (Other wonders not pictured: tiara and glove-lettes.)

Other people have the JFK/Jackie O/some kind of royal wedding to hang their hopes and dreams upon -- I have this.

#9 -- That wayward eyelash

I really hope I can forget this moment one day. I still feel weird and sad about it.

When Britney gave Matt Lauer an interview in 2006, she got sad and cried over something (I can't be bothered to google what it was) like she is wont to do, and this resulted in a dangling fake eyelash hanging by a damn fiber from her eye. Whatever, shit happens. BUT THEN IT STAYED THAT WAY FOR THE DURATION OF THE INTERVIEW.

Does Brit not have a lash wrangler? Or a friend? Or a next-door neighbor to pop by for a cup of friggin' sugar? Damn people, that was cold.

#8 -- "Oops!...I Did It Again" acting



Brit's acting starting at 2:50 is one of my favorite things on Earth. I'm not joking even slightly. If I'm feeling shitty, I can watch just that few seconds of true thespian-ism and feel instantly better. And when the "OOPS, I..." starts in, it's like being born into a better universe.

P.S. Can we please take note of how hard current-day Ariana Grande is biting Britney's style from this video? Inappropriate on all levels.

#7 -- ACTING acting



CROSSROADS, YOU GUYS. CROSSROADS. Britney is wearing a bucket hat. I don't think I need to say anything more about this.

#6 -- A fondness for chokers and frappuccinos

Brit has two loves in her life, both of which really bring her zero benefits. Firstly, homegirl LOVES frappuccinos more than anyone loves anything, really. She goes through periods when she's on boring diets and shit and goes without them, and when that happens, my heart breaks for her. It's like Rose letting ol' Jack Dawson drift off into a watery coffin in Titanic. (SPOILER ALERT!) But more sad.

Her second lover brings a simmering rage to my eyeballs like few things can, but when you love someone, you look past their truly horrific choker decisions. Brit doesn't care that chokers look terrible on her. She doesn't even care that all the chokers in her choker collection are dreadful.

She's simply about that choker life, and I respect her choices.

#5 -- Weave probz

Britney has had a pretty melodramatic and well-documented history of problems with her extensions. So why is this on a list of things that I love about B? Because it, once again, shows how little effs she gives.

Work those weave tracks, Brit. The world can get off your jock.

#4 -- Social media Brit Brit

Sunday Funday!

A video posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on Sep 9, 2014 at 4:12pm PDT

I've posted this Instagram video of Brit before, but there's no denying its extreme levels of adorableness. Her contributions to social media are often confusing and delightful. It's like your Gam Gam trying to use Facebook, AKA THE BEST.

#3 -- The sexiest MTV VMAs moment, ever



If you didn't die a thousand deaths when Brit ripped off that suit, I'm assuming it's because you weren't alive when it happened. Watching this still gives me chills, and I will not be judged for it. It was amazing.

#2 -- X Factor faces

Britney's faces were so fire on X Factor that there's an entire Tumblr dedicated to them. These are the only reactions I need in my life.

#1 -- Denim on denim on denim (with an assist from Justin Timberlake)

via mtv

Nothing in history has ever been better than this moment.  Try to find a single flaw in this photo. I Highlights-magazine-hidden-picture dare you. It's impossible.

Happy Birthday, Brit! Keep doing you.

Did I miss any of your favorite Britney moments? Let's talk more about our favorite person.



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Busta Rhymes Fell Off A Stage, Because We're Too Old For This Sh*t

A video posted by Mess Kid (@messkid) on Nov 11, 2014 at 5:20am PST

Listen, Bus a Bus. Sometimes it's hard to accept the aging process. I totally understand that. It's like you wake up one day, and you've got hang-y down elbow skin. I feel you deeply on this.

But you know what you don't start doing when you realize you're getting old as shit and making rap videos/ads for minivans? You don't try to hang with the young dudes and turn all things all the way up near the edge of a stage. Especially when the last time we saw you, you looked like this:

Remember Busta Rhymes' BET Awards outfit? Here are 15 times when rappers looked like things. http://t.co/dtWGbCqHST pic.twitter.com/RR6r8zmC4k
— Complex Music (@ComplexMusic) August 3, 2014

It's okay, Busta. There's nothing wrong with staying home and diving into a great book with a single glass of wine, then calling it a night no later than 9:30pm. Or maybe catching a matinee movie. Let the kids be kids, with their drinking and stage dancing. Trust me, no one enjoyed several Crown and diets and a stage dance quite like me in the early-to-mid '00s, but it's time to hang our hats on those memories, B. Our time for such tom foolery has passed, and huzzah to that!

Let's just accept that we're too old for this shit and quietly settle into middle age gracefully. Call me if you want to start a book club. I'm still reading Amy Poehler, but I'm open to your suggestions.




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