I'm not going to pretend that this "Woman Crush Wednesday" thing is going to be a weekly deal, because let's be real -- I suck at consistency, and I also got a hybrid emotional reaction of bored and annoyed when I typed the phrase "Woman Crush Wednesday." So, let's just see how this goes.
I really just wanted to highlight some of the favorite times that my eyeballs have ever had, and most of them are courtesy of Mizz Britney Spears. Because if you can't get behind giant white tube socks and possible Sketchers Step Ups™ paired with hair so tousled it looks like that of a person dwelling with dinosaurs, then I don't even know what you stand for anymore. This is why my eyes exist. They live for this shit.
Now, shall we?
My absolute favorite Brit Brit is experienced in the times when she's being her true self, and homie is never more herself than when leaving a Starbucks. Would humans even know of Starbucks if it weren't for this angel among us? If they haven't given this woman a black card filled to the brim with a lifetime supply of free Frapps, then they are all a bunch of GD Jon Snows.
Here's my BFF demonstrating another reason I love her so much -- she doesn't have a clue how to wear clothes. It's adorable. It's like she's never seen any of the following: a magazine, a mannequin, another person, an American Girl doll, Winnie the Pooh (okay, maybe; he doesn't wear pants) or Fashion Plates. I hate when someone else dresses her. Like this:
Okay, I just lied right to your face, because I love this. I'm not a monster. Levi Strauss' ghost came through a portal from the spirit world just to witness this moment. (I'm assuming.)
The final reason BS is best -- she's like a glittery unicorn personified:
Sweet!
Colorful!
Literally glittery!
But honest with her emotions. Just like a unicorn.
Happy National Britney Jean Spears Day! (It's not an official national holiday, but it is in my heart.) Today is Brit Brit's 33rd birthday, so I will be celebrating in the only way that I know how -- by counting down my top ten favorite things about the world's biggest Cheetos lover.
Let's talk about all Britney everythang.
#10 -- The K Fed wedding
The Britney/K Fed era was a weird time, man. It brought about terrible things like that reality show, but also amazing treasures like this wedding picture. (Other wonders not pictured: tiara and glove-lettes.)
I really hope I can forget this moment one day. I still feel weird and sad about it.
When Britney gave Matt Lauer an interview in 2006, she got sad and cried over something (I can't be bothered to google what it was) like she is wont to do, and this resulted in a dangling fake eyelash hanging by a damn fiber from her eye. Whatever, shit happens. BUT THEN IT STAYED THAT WAY FOR THE DURATION OF THE INTERVIEW.
Does Brit not have a lash wrangler? Or a friend? Or a next-door neighbor to pop by for a cup of friggin' sugar? Damn people, that was cold.
#8 -- "Oops!...I Did It Again" acting
Brit's acting starting at 2:50 is one of my favorite things on Earth. I'm not joking even slightly. If I'm feeling shitty, I can watch just that few seconds of true thespian-ism and feel instantly better. And when the "OOPS, I..." starts in, it's like being born into a better universe.
P.S. Can we please take note of how hard current-day Ariana Grande is biting Britney's style from this video? Inappropriate on all levels.
#7 -- ACTING acting
CROSSROADS, YOU GUYS. CROSSROADS. Britney is wearing a bucket hat. I don't think I need to say anything more about this. #6 -- A fondness for chokers and frappuccinos
Brit has two loves in her life, both of which really bring her zero benefits. Firstly, homegirl LOVES frappuccinos more than anyone loves anything, really. She goes through periods when she's on boring diets and shit and goes without them, and when that happens, my heart breaks for her. It's like Rose letting ol' Jack Dawson drift off into a watery coffin in Titanic. (SPOILER ALERT!) But more sad.
Her second lover brings a simmering rage to my eyeballs like few things can, but when you love someone, you look past their truly horrific choker decisions. Brit doesn't care that chokers look terrible on her. She doesn't even care that all the chokers in her choker collection are dreadful.
She's simply about that choker life, and I respect her choices.
A video posted by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on
I've posted this Instagram video of Brit before, but there's no denying its extreme levels of adorableness. Her contributions to social media are often confusing and delightful. It's like your Gam Gam trying to use Facebook, AKA THE BEST.
#3 -- The sexiest MTV VMAs moment, ever
If you didn't die a thousand deaths when Brit ripped off that suit, I'm assuming it's because you weren't alive when it happened. Watching this still gives me chills, and I will not be judged for it. It was amazing.
#2 -- X Factor faces
Britney's faces were so fire on X Factor that there's an entire Tumblr dedicated to them. These are the only reactions I need in my life.
#1 -- Denim on denim on denim (with an assist from Justin Timberlake)
Nothing in history has ever been better than this moment. Try to find a single flaw in this photo. I Highlights-magazine-hidden-picture dare you. It's impossible.
Happy Birthday, Brit! Keep doing you.
Did I miss any of your favorite Britney moments? Let's talk more about our favorite person.
