What in Eff's Sake ARE THESE THINGS?

via buzzfeed

As the late, great Whitney Houston would say, "Oh hell to the naw!" This is just atrocious. And needless. What are you putting in those pockets, boo? A mini notebook in the back pocket? A piece of gum in that tiny inner pocket? These are truly the devil's jean/boot/flip flop hybrid.

Let's wash our brains with some Kaitlin.



I wanna be GLAMOROUS!


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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Scarlett Johansson's Pre-K Tattoo

So Scarlett Johansson got a new tattoo...Yep. She sure did. I thought that she might've tattooed it on her own body from the looks of it, but apparently some graffiti artist designed it. Okay. I feel like it would have looked better if one of those bigger-sized My Little Ponies heated up his hoof with a gas station lighter and stomped on homegirl's rib cage. I tried to find a picture of the size of MLP I'm talking about, but instead I found whatever the hell this is:

People are into some weird ish, aren't they? But maybe a dude wearing this outfit tattooed her. That would make a whole lotta sense.

P.S. I'm pretty sure I got flagged by the FBI for being on whatever skeevy ass site I visited getting that picture. Heeeey! (See what I did there?)



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I Do Not Co-Sign on This Ish.

pic via buzzfeed

Nope. No ma'am. No. You're my girl, C Aggs, but something about this is very reminiscent of womanly times. No.





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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Nail Polish for the Manly Meeens

pic via alpahanail.com seriously, go look at it

No, this isn't a photo still from a low rent Cinemax vampire-themed soft core porn movie. It's a picture from Alpha Nail, which is nail polish made for super bro-type dudes. Now let me say this -- I am 100% for gender equality. If you are a dude, and you're into nail polish, awesome. I can suggest some great ones for you. But this has a very, a-hem, douchey feel to the details. From the website:

It is a statement... a proclamation of the inner attitude of the alpha. It is about having the confidence that says ‘I am my own man, and will decide the rules for how I live my life according to how I see fit.

For those of you with a flair for style, our colors are so sick Dr. House can’t fix them. The revolutionary matte collection provides an uber-masculine and fashion forward satin finish, and our metallics shine like candy paint in the summer time. What’s more, our unique click pen applicator does away with those dainty little brushes and girly nail polish containers. Just click, paint, put the cap on, and its ready to go for another round. 

Oh, my. I just wanted to punch myself in the face reading that. And then there's this:

via alphanail.com

Your eyes are not deceiving you. That is, in fact, THE SHOCKER on this handy little guide of "How to Alpha Nail." Gross. I want to bleach my eyeballs.

pic via buzzfeed

I will say that I like matte nail polish, so maybe I'll hide my lady bits and get some to try for myself. Too bad I'm not uber-masculine. Bleh.

P.S. Thanks to Abby for emailing this mess to me. If you spot a guuuuuuurl out there, email me at shannon@glossanddirt.com.



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Help This B.

Uggggh. I am the most indecisive person in the world. I hate a commitment to anything, even hair color. So I need my home peeps to help me pick my next hair color. Here's somewhat what I currently look like:

Ignore my scrunchie. Or don't, and judge the eff out of me. So you get the idea. It's a darkish brown with some slightly lighter panels. Okay. So here's the thing -- I've had EVERY HAIR COLOR EVER.

I mean, AMIRIGHT? Here are my thoughts -- I really like this hair color. I have blocked the face of this young lady, because I don't even know who she is.

In my wildest fantasies, I want this:

But everyone that I've ever met is STRONGLY opposed to this choice. I hate everyone. OR should I stay pretty much on the hair path that I am currently on? This was the color inspiration for my current color:

I am, of course, open to other options. Help my annoying ass! I don't know what to do with my life!

P.S. Not that it really matters, but my real hair color is a dark, ashy blonde. It's horrendous.







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The Badass B List: Drugstore Cowboys

I have shared with you guys before that I'm a cheap ass b.  I love perusing the aisles of Target/CVS/Walgreens/Wherever the hell to see the newest drugstore wares available. I've been doing it since I was in college, which was roughly two years ago. (Shut up! I want to start lying about my age. I'm sick of being the Blanche of the group. I want to be the Brenda Walsh again. I want to go to Paris on Summer break!) Over all of these years I have found some old standby favorites, and have compiled them here for you.

Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Serum 

drugstore.com, $19.99

I effing adore this stuff. As a beauty blogger (hoity toity ass), it's kind of my deal to try out a lot of different skin care dealios. They don't always work for my skin, which results in crazy breakouts and a hot, hot mess of a face. My life is very glamorous. But, I can always count on this stuff to bring my face back to normalcy. It's a little pricey for a drugstore item, but it's very reasonable for a retinol. Trust. And retinols are great for acne as well as wrinkles, so another sweet thing about this formula is that it's a serum, and not paired with some heavy ass cream that won't work for oily skin.

Sally Hershberger Supreme Lift Root Boost & Heat Protect

drugstore.com, about $11

Have ya' heard? My hair is fine and flat. Meh. I've tried almost one billion (I counted) volumizing products, and I feel like this one works the best. I apply it only at the roots, because it takes away shine, like all volumizers tend to do. And the hair stylist used this on my hair when I was a fancy lady and got my hair cut at the Sally Hershberger salon in NYC. So that means one thing: It's good, y'all.

Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Castille Soap

target, $16.99 for a BIG ASS bottle

 I'm kind of a hippie. I'm one of those annoying people that tries to eat only organic food, buy my food from a local hippie market, blah, blah, blah. That ish does not really mix well with beauty products a lot of times. So whenever I can, I try to use more natural-ish stuff. Dr. Bronner's is pretty much as natural as you can get when it comes to soap. I use it as a body wash and a shaving cream, but apparently you can even use it for toothpaste and cleaning your house and crap -- too much work. A little goes a long way with this stuff, and the peppermint is refreshing as hell. Just make sure you avoid your eyes and no no spots with extreme care. There's peppermint oil in that thurrr bottle.

L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara

target, SPECIAL HOLIDAY DUAL PACK!!! $8.99

This. B*tch. Seriously, I love this mascara (almost) as much as I love cake. And I know I have shared my love before, but I have been trying a friggin' myriad of brands and formulas over the past several months, and I always seem to come back to Voluminous. I put it millimeters under my ride or die b's, Diorshow and Lancome Hypnose. Voluminous is just so damn rich and thick and makes it look like you have the lushest of lashes. AND it's not crunchy when it dries. (I hate that mess.)

Rembrandt Deeply White Toothpaste

drustore.com, about $6

This toothpaste is about twice the price of a tube of Crest, or whatever, but the whitening power is so much greater. I am not CRAZY about using a non-natural toothpaste (hippie, again), but sometimes my vain ass overpowers my brain. And when it does, I use this toothpaste. Because the ish works. Period.

Seche Vite Top Coat

CVS, $8.99

Once again, this is a little pricier than a cheapo polish top coat. BUT. This stuff is freaking amazing. It's very thick, but not in a hard-to-apply kind of way. It's more of an almost acrylic looking nail that you are left with. And it's a fast drying top coat, so you don't have to sit on your ass of three hours waiting for your nails to dry. (That part is completely optional.)

That's it, boo boos! Have you guys used any drugstore items that you can't live without? Share with a b! This ain't no one way street.

P.S. Maybe being Blanche isn't so bad.

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Random Homie: Susan Posnick COLORME in Lilly

Lemme make this ish quick, because I'm going to be late for work. I was sent this little beaut from the peeps at Susan Posnick, who was a celebrity/model makeup artist. It's called COLORME ($32), and it's a little blush system. And I say system, because it has a powder puff on top, which is the perfect size for the baby apple of your cheek! And the top has a mirror, which is the knees. (Shortening of Bee's Knees. It's what the kids do these days.) So because of these factors, this little kitten has been delegated as my purse blush. (Which is totally a thing that I need, being the oily grossness that I am. Blush fades from oily faces like a mofo boss. It's not awesome.) I can just pop this stuff on my cheeks in two seconds, and I'm back to looking like an in-my-30's cherub. Something that I'm into, if you're wondering. Oh, and the color that I have, Lily, is inspired by Natalie Portman. Now that's just sexy. So what I'm saying is...

via mrhankey

Now I gotta go get them dollas. And I'm not a stripper, though I wish I were.



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