It's Just Getting to Be Too Much. (AKA The New Christina Aguilera Video)

I think that the time has come to give up the shenanigans. I am not saying that Aggy is old. We are the same effing age. So, with complete empathy and understanding I say to you, dear lady -- isn't is time to stop faux beej-ing/killing dudes with your sex in bathrooms? Listen, I dress myself like a confused five year old that idolizes Russell Brand, so I totally get it. Being in your 30's is hard. But when you are almost old enough to run for President, it might be time to stop wearing dresses that you buy in a ziploc bag from the adult novelty store. We're getting old, boo boo. And that's why...

pic via mr hankey

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Get Yo' Beauty Blogger Box On

pic via soap.com

Allure is teaming up with Revlon to sell the Beauty Blogger Box, which contains all of the favorite products from our Revlon video challenge. The best part is that $5 of each sale goes to the Look Good Feel Better cause, which helps women with cancer. Here's what's included in the box:

• 1 Revlon Colorstay 16 Hour Eye Shadow Quad 500-Addictive
• 1 Revlon Revlon Photoready Sculpting Blush Palette-001-Pink
• 1 Revlon Revlon Photoready Perfecting Primer
• 1 Revlon Photoready 3D Volume Mascara 002-Black
• 1 Revlon Colorburst Lipgloss Peony-008 

The eyeshadow quad is my favorite color of them all; it's ridiculously versatile. And the sculpting blush palette is badass. The only thing I haven't tried in the box is the primer, because we all know that I am grossly oily. You can purchase the box here, for $49.95. And if you want to see the video I did with these products -- and how to get multiple uses from them -- check it out here.


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Uh Huh, This My Ish. (Hollaback Girl)

I'm a bit (a lot) of a product w when it comes to haircare products. I can pretty much never, ever stick with one shampoo and conditioner combo. I like to have a Great Wall of China in my shower -- you get the idea. But I was forced to pare down my army of products and bring only one of each because I am traveling right now. (Why is life so effing hard?!?!) I have a sudden epiphany, you guys. I totally have a favorite shampoo and conditioner, and I didn't even realize it.

Alterna Caviar Anti-Aging Shampoo & Conditioner

This stuff is my total ish right now. While I was packing, it came to me that I have really only been using my Alterna Anti-Aging Seasilk Moisturizing Shampoo and Conditioner. The Alterna peeps sent this to me a while back to try, and I immediately added it to my all star shower lineup. I have been an Alterna fan for several years, starting with the Life line. That was my hardcore jam for a hot, hot minute.

I was worried that my hair would be weighed down or greasy with this combo, because my scalp is an effing oil rig, but they are very light. I've been using them/loving them more and more. I will totally be buying these puppies when I run out.

Now I have to go because I am typing this in the car somewhere in rural Georgia, and if I don't stop I will be vomiting at any moment. You are welcome for ending on that imagery. Sorry. Think about unicorns jumping over rainbows with koala bears in bow ties riding on their backs.

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Guuuurl of the Day: J Bieb's Pants

I have to say that I have never seen an episode of Dancing with the Stars. I usually feel all, "What stars?" about it. (Yep, I'm one of THOSE a-holes.) But I am currently out of town and visiting my in-laws for the week, and they are super into the show. So I saw an episode last night, and someone (thing) totally stole the show. The Biebs was there to do a "live" performance (Ha!) and this is what he was wearing.

He looks like he re-purposed Missy Elliot's black garbage bag deal from The Rain video.

 You're going to have to come a hell of a lot more original than that ish, Justi-poo. Oh, but don't worry -- I've been getting screen grabs all morning so we can all stare right into the face of the devil's pantaloons.

Are you guys dying over this ish? A DROPPED CROTCH LEATHER PANT (OR POSSIBLE ONESIE) HAS NO PLACE ON A MAN'S (Hahaha. I couldn't even keep it together on that one.) BODY. And for that, you and your pants are the GUUUURL of the day.



P.S. Just bring your dad next time.



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There Was a 25th Anniversary Full House Reunion (AKA Damn, It Feels Old to be a Gangsta)

Well, minus the Olsen twins -- of course. (How rude!) But Kimmy Gibbler's annoying ass was there, and even Steve (Aladdin's voice dude) came. Not to mention, all the mens have matching sunglasses (cute!) except for Stamos, because that ho is waaay to hot to cover that mug.

I need Aunt Becky's anti-aging secrets, because b looks good as hell. And who would've thought that Candace Cameron would be the one to turn out to be a stone cold fox?

pics via DJ Tanner's twitter


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The Horrible Pitfalls of Coming of Age in the 90's

I turned 18 in the year of 1999, or the year of the partying Prince (or Prince symbol thing at the time) song. I feel like no matter what decade you are a teenager, there is always some super embarrassing/hazardous pictures of your horrid-ness floating around. But because I was a young whippersnapper in the 90's, I had to suffer through a sh*tload of grossness that I did to myself, and now think WTF kind of effery did I do to myself???

#1 Tramp Stamps -- Let's just go ahead and get the worst, most permanent thing out of the way. Not a lot of people (even close friends) know this about me, but I'm putting this mess all on front street for the enjoyment of strangers. Yikes. On my 18th birthday, I got a tramp stamp. And it's a butterfly. ( I EFFING KNOW, YOU GUYS.)

My underwear indentations aren't exactly helping the sitch, either. In my defense, there was no such thing as a tramp stamp in 1999. But children of the world, please take this into consideration. Don't get a tattoo on yo' damn 18th birthday, like a dummy. A butterfly is not cute over a 30 something's ass crack. Mmmmkay?

#2 Horrible Lifelong Photos of Memorable Occasions -- I also had a pretty horrible prom dress, you guys. Crushed velvet leopard print?

Don't forge to rest your eyes on those luxurious, mile-long acrylic nails while you're at it. Not pictured -- a chunky-heeled, strappy, GLITTERED black dress sandal. Hang it up, style queens. You've got nothing on this hotness.

#4 Pubescent Before Flat Irons -- Imagine growing up in the Florida humidity without the invention of flat irons. They didn't come out until I was in friggin' college. AND I had bangs for a large portion of my life.

I look like damn Doris Day or some crap. And let's not even bring up my Donna Martin-esque outfit. I don't even know if I owned a hair dryer at this point in my life. And that's also about the last time I saw my natural hair color.

#5 The "Platinum Playboy" Look Was Cool (to Me) -- I had (white) platinum blonde hair, a dangle belly button ring, and acrylic french manicured nails.

Oh, and a ridiculous amount of crop tops. That's a lot time investment in ab work, people. Probably using an ab roller. And a thigh master worked in, somehow.

What kind of grossness did you guys go through when you were in your teen years? Please tell me it wasn't as horrible as my ish. Impossible.






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Breaking News: Jennifer Lawrence is the Most Charming/Adorable Human

I mean, seriously. I liked it so much, I want to put a BFF charm on it.


video via buzzfeed


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