And people wonder why I love court shows.
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Monday, July 23, 2012
Jem and the Holograms Made Me a Crazy B
I think that we can all agree that Jem is the hottest cartoon of all time.
But I can also say, with complete confidence, that this b effed up my life. How can you even live up to glamor like this? A lace fingerless glove AND a leather fingerless glove? I mean, damn, a regular b doesn't stand a chance. And in this video, Jem becomes A JEM MERMAID. Sigh.
Seriously, I think that Jem made a huge impact on my young life. Here are the Jem-isms that have stuck with me:
Wear Whatever the Hell Crazy Outfit You Want: I have always been somewhat of a fashion risk-taker. I was never one to care about matching, and I have been known to be somewhat over-the-top at times. My mom told me a few months ago that "I was finally in style, because not matching is a thing now." Sigh.
A Badass Earring Can Make Everything Better: I really like to wear a 'statement' earring in one ear, and like a stud, or whatever, in the other. I think it really harkens back to my Jem days, and that damn magical earring. If I had one that could light up, that ish would rock my world.
All Pink Errrthing: Damn, I love pink. And a little more than any dumb dumb in her thirties should. If I could have Jem-pink hair right now, and not look crazier than tanning mom, (too dated a reference?) I totally would. Man, I hate myself.
Don't Be Afraid to Take a Chance on Beauty: Jem wears damn hot pink eyeshadow trapezoids like a boss. That mess inspires me to try different hairstyles, makeup colors, and more. Who cares if your look might lean more toward the insane side of the beauty scale? YOLO. (I know, I know.)
Now get ready for you day to be ruined. You better get your novelty-sized eraser out, because you are about to clear your schedule for the foreseeable future. Jem and the Holograms is on Netflix watch instantly. On a completely unrelated note, I have to go. I have to weed my vegetable garden, or something. (And no, that is NOT a euphemism for something sexual.) Okay, fine. I'll be in a mother effin' Jem-induced rabbit hole for the next 2384032984 hours. Bye, b's.
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But I can also say, with complete confidence, that this b effed up my life. How can you even live up to glamor like this? A lace fingerless glove AND a leather fingerless glove? I mean, damn, a regular b doesn't stand a chance. And in this video, Jem becomes A JEM MERMAID. Sigh.
Seriously, I think that Jem made a huge impact on my young life. Here are the Jem-isms that have stuck with me:
Wear Whatever the Hell Crazy Outfit You Want: I have always been somewhat of a fashion risk-taker. I was never one to care about matching, and I have been known to be somewhat over-the-top at times. My mom told me a few months ago that "I was finally in style, because not matching is a thing now." Sigh.
A Badass Earring Can Make Everything Better: I really like to wear a 'statement' earring in one ear, and like a stud, or whatever, in the other. I think it really harkens back to my Jem days, and that damn magical earring. If I had one that could light up, that ish would rock my world.
All Pink Errrthing: Damn, I love pink. And a little more than any dumb dumb in her thirties should. If I could have Jem-pink hair right now, and not look crazier than tanning mom, (too dated a reference?) I totally would. Man, I hate myself.
Don't Be Afraid to Take a Chance on Beauty: Jem wears damn hot pink eyeshadow trapezoids like a boss. That mess inspires me to try different hairstyles, makeup colors, and more. Who cares if your look might lean more toward the insane side of the beauty scale? YOLO. (I know, I know.)
Now get ready for you day to be ruined. You better get your novelty-sized eraser out, because you are about to clear your schedule for the foreseeable future. Jem and the Holograms is on Netflix watch instantly. On a completely unrelated note, I have to go. I have to weed my vegetable garden, or something. (And no, that is NOT a euphemism for something sexual.) Okay, fine. I'll be in a mother effin' Jem-induced rabbit hole for the next 2384032984 hours. Bye, b's.
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Friday, July 20, 2012
Look 72% More Sexual in Like Two Minutes
Here's my normal, blah face, you guys:
Oh, hey there, vanilla face. Sometimes you just feel a little "meh" about yourself, you know? I have a beauty pick me up that only takes a couple of minutes, and will totally SEX YOU UP. Like this:
P.S. How INSANE are homeboy's eyebrows? And is that other dude Kenny G? And whatever "making love until we drown" is sounds disgusting. And if I open a pottery painting place and call it Color Me Badd, do you think these b's will sue my ass? And if I ever smoke, it will exclusively be pink cigarettes. Okay, I'm done.
Anyway, here are the two things that will add instant sexy to a blah day: A red lip and liquid liner cat eye. Here I am, but it will be better on you. I'm only .098320482% sexier, but it's the best I get.
Now, don't freak if you don't know how to do the cat eye. Here's my tutorial from a while back. Now let's all get sexy faced, you little w's!
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Oh, hey there, vanilla face. Sometimes you just feel a little "meh" about yourself, you know? I have a beauty pick me up that only takes a couple of minutes, and will totally SEX YOU UP. Like this:
P.S. How INSANE are homeboy's eyebrows? And is that other dude Kenny G? And whatever "making love until we drown" is sounds disgusting. And if I open a pottery painting place and call it Color Me Badd, do you think these b's will sue my ass? And if I ever smoke, it will exclusively be pink cigarettes. Okay, I'm done.
Anyway, here are the two things that will add instant sexy to a blah day: A red lip and liquid liner cat eye. Here I am, but it will be better on you. I'm only .098320482% sexier, but it's the best I get.
Now, don't freak if you don't know how to do the cat eye. Here's my tutorial from a while back. Now let's all get sexy faced, you little w's!
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Thursday, July 19, 2012
I'm Wearing My Over-Sized NKOTB Pin in My Retirement Home
Donnie Wahlberg (if you don't know who that is, it's time to go) posted this picture of the current state of affairs of New Kids on the Block to his twitter. It appears that they are in a bath house of some sort, and have become an Freddie Mercury tribute band. Damn, we are all getting old, aren't we? Jon looks like he's in dire need of a nap and some cucumbers on his eyes. Danny's hardly in the picture, because he was never anyone's favorite. BUT, my man Jordan (Does anyone else find it weird that a middle aged man's name is JORDAN? People, think of these things when you name them kids.) is looking guuuurd still. I'm picking up everything he's throwing down.
Who was your favorite NKOTB? If you say Danny, you're a damn liar.
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Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Awkward Crush of the Day: Breaking Bad's Walter, Jr.
I'm pretty sure that you guys know that I pretty much hate myself. Well, I can add another reason to the ol' gross list. I have a pretty, pretty horrible confession: I have a thing for Walt, Jr. from Breaking Bad. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, first off, you need to watch this show. It's mf-ing good. Secondly, here comes the gross part. Walter, Jr. is the son of the main character, and is...umm...16. Here he is in the background, behind OG Walter. (He also has cerebral palsy, which is why he uses crutches.)
But, don't call the FBI or anything. I googled it, and he's 19 in real life! So I'm still gross, but not illegally so. JUST weird enough to be a creeper, but not enough to warrant a visit from Chris Hansen. Score, mf-er's!
And I even have a runner up:
I've never really found Joseph Gordon-Levitt sexual at all, but he's looking pretty hot here. This is how I usually think of him:
B was as sexually ambiguous as I was in the 90's. Okay, I'm seriously done exposing my weird ish (for today). Please tell me that you guys develop strange crushes on strange strange. Don't leave this b hanging!
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True Blood Musings: And There Goes a Hot B
Speaking of Russell, lets talk about this week. JUMP!
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Thursday, July 12, 2012
So This Happened...
According to X17 Online, last night Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga, and Lana Del Rey had a sleepover at Chateau Marmont. During this CRAZY, crazy sleepover, they reportedly were "watching old movies and playing board games." Oh, ish! Hold me back. Below is an artist's (my) representation of what happened last night.
Oh, damn. GIRL TALK? This mess just got real.
If Mall Madness was up in that piece, I'm going to be jealous as hell. I wanted Mall Madness SO FREAKIN' BADLY, and my mom said it was too expensive. Sigh. Such a c-block of board game bitchin'-ness.
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Oh, damn. GIRL TALK? This mess just got real.
If Mall Madness was up in that piece, I'm going to be jealous as hell. I wanted Mall Madness SO FREAKIN' BADLY, and my mom said it was too expensive. Sigh. Such a c-block of board game bitchin'-ness.
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