Look Awake, Even When You're Sleepy as Eff

I'm tired lately, you guys. I don't really know what my deal is, but I just want to curl up on the back fur of this guy and sleep for days.

My dark circles look like I could be an unfortunate extra on The Walking Dead. (I've only seen that show like once, but I'm sure those b's aren't exactly looking fresh as a daisy.) But luckily, I have a little secret weapon in my makeup arsenal that keeps me looking (somewhat) normal.

Ride or Sleepy Die

I have not made it a secret of the fact that I am not the biggest fan of bareMinerals, but this ish is the exception. This is Well Rested. It's the perfect little pick-me-up for dark under eyes, and it doesn't get crazy looking after a couple of hours of wear, like a lot of concealers tend to do. (On my oily-ass anyway.)

I apply it with my concealer brush, and I instantly look 8% better. Now to work on the rest of the mess of my face...


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Miley Cyrus has an Intolerance to Gluten, Human-Sized Shorts

Pic via Huffington Post

Unwad your panties, no-pants police. Miley is just wearing short shorts, like any 19 year old (or however old she is) girl. And she's probably wearing her fiance's shirt, which brings more "Awwww, how sweet!" feelings than this does:

(No, it totally doesn't.)

But I will say, that suitcase it hot. And you can give it to me whenever you wish to, Mi Cy.



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And Everything was Going so Well!

Pic via Marie Claire UK

Just when my girl's looking all hot and ish, we have to go here. Cray shirt, string choker, and sweater uggs. Come on, honey boo boo. Can I PLEASE put your outfits out on the bed for you every morning like our moms did in elementary school? (Not mine. B, please. I wore whatever my crazy ass felt like.)

You guys think I'm joking about Brit Brit's outfits, but look at my goal that I wrote for work:

 

I ain't playin'.

 

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My First Blog for Allure. (Insert 12 yr Old Shrieking Here.)

Pic via Allure (Duh.)

Click here to go read my blog. So excited!



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And Now, for the Creepiest Thing I've Ever Written...

 I have a weird brain. These strange things just pop into my head at times, and I don't know where the eff they come from. If I lived in the 50's I'd probably be forced into having electroshock therapy right now.

The other day, I'm sitting around, and I think, "You know who I'd like to date? Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast."

That's my man.

I mean he's such a gentleman. You know he would be so accommodating. (Be our guest, and all that ish.) And that b is French! He's a butler (or something), so he can clean.

Lumiere is my number one pick of the NON-HUMAN DISNEY CHARACTERS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO DATE. (You can stop reading at any time. I know that there's something wrong with me.) Now before you call the FBI or something, I'm not talking about sexual weird crap. I don't need to be on My Strange Addiction. I'm not in love with the Eiffel Tower or anything. But...

Sexy.

My second pick is the Genie from Aladdin. He can grant you wishes, and has some badass gold bracelets I'd like to borrow. The con? He's voiced by Robin Williams. Um, nevermind. I don't want to date Mrs. Doubtfire...Or do I?

Yep, he's a bird.

My next non-human BF is Scuttle from The Little Mermaid. He's funny, and gives girls shiny presents. Actually, he might be a pimp. Be on alert.

Look at those tassels!

The last dude (?!?) on my list is the Magic Carpet from Aladdin. He can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. And the b can't talk. Are there any downsides?

Are you guys repulsed by me now? Or do you think that I missed someone (thing)? Please don't say something gross like the Tramp or Pinocchio. I can't even with that mess.



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Ugh, Hot People Can Do ANYTHING

Pic via Huffington Post

Charlize Theron shaved her head for some reason that I am too lazy to google, but, duh, for a role. And she's dressed dude-ish here. And she's still super hot. And her baby is like poster child for the Adorbs Parade. (Don't you wish that existed? It would be like a parade of babies riding on puppies, stuffed into kangaroo pouches. Can someone make this happen?)

Is anyone else hating their life right now? But I will say that I never noticed before this whole head-shaving deal that Charlize and my own lil' Brit Brit are kind of neck twins:

Seriously, people that are still super hot with shaved heads are such a-holes. Am I right?

Ugh. Ridic gorgeous alien. Hate you.

Still super hot.

If I shaved my head, I would totally look like this:

I hate my life.




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Fiona Apple has a New Video, and It's as Weird as You Would Expect.

Full disclosure: I friggin' love Fiona Apple. From the first time I heard Criminal when I was 15-ish and annoyingly emo-ish, I was hooked on that little poppy seed mini muffin of crazy, and I haven't looked back. Fiona's back, with a new video for her song Every Single Night, and don't worry -- she still cray. With the bonus of a octopus on her head!



Oh, how I've missed this b. And she's back with a little extra ginger flavor (and baby bangs). To which I say:



"Heeeeey!"


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