Happy Mother's Day From C Stodd

Hot Stoddy, you are so thoughtful! A fishnet tube dress, mullet-ish hair, and boobies pushed up towards the heavens are just what moms want. I can't wait until her armband line comes out (you know it will). I will totally squeeze my stubby little b's into one.

Happy Mother's Day!

P.S. Nice armoire. Too bad mine is cooler.

As if. I wish I had that mess. And a kid like Chip.




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Go, girl! (Yes, I just said "Go, girl." What do you want from me? I'm old.)

 I've never really had an opinion one way or the other regarding AnnaLynne McCord of (new) 90210 fame. In fact, I had to google her name like three times to figure out how to spell her damn name properly. This is how I'm used to 90210:

I prefer my 90210 with a heaping lot of Brenda, with a side of OOOOOONdrea Zuckerman. But ALMC recently tweeted a bare-faced pic of herself:

And I have to say, kudos to you, kiddo. Or KADOOZE as Real Housewife Ramona Singer would say.



I'm over celebs tweeting photos with flawless bare skin, and rubbing in all of our average faces. Like, we get it people, you are flawless. Great. I already hate myself enough. What more do you want from me? So I give uber points to ALMC for showing her real face, even if that includes a little uneven skintone LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING.

So to you, ALMC, I say, "Go, girl!"


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"Young lady, you better wipe that puss off of your face right this instant!"

Okay, I just kind of wanted to use that phrase, because I am forever 12. Don't believe me?

This is what I'm wearing on my hand right now. I seriously hate myself. Anyway, enough about me. Let's ish on someone else for a while, shall we?

In case you have caught yourself unaware (How dare you?!?!?), this is Lana del Rey at last night's Met Gala. She is a (kind of ) indie singer, that people like to hate on. I ACTUALLY like this b, but come on, kitten. Is life so hard? YOU ARE AT AN EFFING PARTY, SWEETS. And you're wearing a badass cape. Do you know how much I wish I were wearing a cape right now? And sparkly other crap?

I'm wearing yoga pants and a damn child's bow ring. And I'm in my thirties. Buck up, kid. You've got it pretty good.

And you're pretty. So take your freakin' crabby pants off. Maybe try yoga pants. Them b's is comfy!

P.S. Whaddup to Natalie Portman's peplum-ed out face twin behind you. I see you, b!


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An Epic Battle: Zack Morris' Cell Phone VS AC Slater's Pleated Pants

After seeing Mr. Belding on Mad Men this week, I started thinking.

Whaddup, Mr. B? Where's Miss Bliss?

What was more awesome(er): Zack Morris' 10381093810298 lb cell phone? Or Slater's pleated to hell and back pants? Let's have a little refresher.

First, the phone:

The early years

What the what? Is that an effing flip phone???

"What's up, Preppy? Check these guns!"

Now, that's just adorbs.

But, I don't know, you guys. These pants just won't quit:

This. Is. Weird.

This entire look is sexy. (Call the police, I think he's 13 here.)

Z Cavariccis never looked so olive-y!

Wow. These are the pants version of that double-velcro Reebok high top we wore. (Don't front like you didn't.)

So what's better? Zack's uber techo savvy phone? Or Slater's fashion forward bottom wear?

Duh. The pants win. DID YOU SEE THE LAST PICTURE?!?!? Plus, there's this:

Bonus points for Lisa's hair.

 P.S. Was this the "Jessie's addicted to effing CAFFEINE PILLS" episode? Oh, 90's. You were such a card.



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How To: Get Real Housewives Hair

An easy tutorial to get that wavy, housewivesy hair!



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Should I Be Scared?

I need to go bleach my skin.


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Clear EVERY-freakin'-THING from your DVR

SyFy has come up with another cinematic TV gem. I present to you the trailer of 'Jersey Shore Shark Attack.' This ish is quite a mess, and includes a cameo by Vinny from 'Jersey Shore.' (Of course it does.) Spoiler alert: Joey Fatone (yes, that Joey Fatone) gets eaten by a CGI shark that looks like it was created around Zelda's heyday.

Get your Emmy ballots out. I don't think we need to see anything more for the TV movie category. If that exists. And if it doesn't, it should. And if it does, this movie should get a lifetime achievement award.

 Because if anything deserves an award for creativity, it's a movie told from Joey Buttafuoco's point of view. That ish is a work of fantasy. But I will say:

Those b's are com-for-table.



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