Random Homie: Pixi Lash Line Ink in Black Silk

Holy eff, you guys. It's already NYE. How the hell did that happen?!? We survived the Mayan apocalypse, so now it's time to look super sexual for your New Year's nonsense you've got happening tonight. And maybe that ish involves a sexy ass winged eyeliner. If so, I have the RH for dat azz.

pixi lash line ink in black silk, $16 @ target

The Pixi Lash Line Ink is pretty badass, mofos. The tip is soooo freakin' thin it should be illegal (don't be a perv), so you can totally pull off the extreme (or not) winged liner look.

It's also really inky and dark, which is the business, in my book. I do apologize for the lack of other makeup in these pictures, but I'm a lazy b. I have zero excuses. These pictures are also kind of Aeon Flux-y, which is both gross and creepy. What can I say? I'm the worst, and I hope to induce nightmares.

If you're ready to bring the full-on sex, go get the Pixi Lash Line Ink in Black Silk at your local Target. It's almost THIS sexy.

via 90210gifs

But let's be real, nothing is THAT sexy. Is that a wetsuit top tucked into jorts? I can hardly contain myself.

P.S. While you're there, I dare you not to try this on. It's impossible. Impossible, I tell you.




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I Think Kanye West Wants Us to Put the Lotion on Its Skin.

pics via buzzfeed, via some instagram

I'm all for edgy. And dudes wearing skirts. And doing whatever the eff you feel like. Unless you look scary, which I feel like this is creepin' straight up in the latter category. (Truth bomb: I just had to re-edit the first two sentences roughly three times, because I've had some wine.) This is some Legends of Ga'Hoole meets Silence to the Lambs type sh*t.



It's friggin' weird, and I don't like it. Imagine what the inside of that mask must smell like. It's a feathery, owl mullet. Bleeeeeeeh.

via mrhankey

Okay, I have to go now, before my sh*t get out of hand.




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Who the Eff is This Person?

via lana's instagram

Seriously, would you have EVER guessed that this person above is Lana del Rey? I would have sworn it was either Heidi Montag or a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader engaged in a quick glamour shots sesh. Maybe it's the fact that she's smiling, too. I don't think I have ever seen homegirl's teeth. She could have a grill for all I know, and be in the St. Lunatics. I don't really know her life like that.

I highly recommend following celebrities on instagram, because they can't help themselves from posting completely insane nonsense every ten minutes. It's not your Angelfire web diary set to private, people. I can see your ass. Speaking of, if you would like to follow the likes of my boringness on instagram, you can follow me at instagram.com/lilshan and see such nation treasures as this.

Did you guys notice that I like to keep my phone charge in the high ninetieth percentile? That's how I roll in this mother effer. (Or no one ever texts/calls/emails me. It's whatevs.)

P.S. Sorry for being so sh*tty about posting lately. I've been working my literal a-hole off (it fell off) at my retail job for the holidays. I've also got some other personal ish going on, which I may/may not ever talk about. But I'll try to be a lot less sh*tty. (Keyword: TRY.)



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And on the Eve of Jesus' Birthday, I Present to You: Codependent by the Gold Diggin Divas

No matter your religious beliefs/non beliefs, today I am presenting you with the world's worst present. These are the lovely Gold Diggin Divas, and this is their international hit, "Codependent." Listen to me with your now insulted ears. There are several issues with this mess. Number one, you can't just take a very popular rap song, change a couple of letters, and call it your own. Number two, you girls can get a library card for free (no black card needed) and hit up the dictionary section, because I don't think you know what codependent means. From WebMD (those b's know it all):

“Codependency, by definition, means making the relationship more important to you than you are to yourself. It’s kind of a weird phrase, and it doesn’t sound like it means a one-sided relationship. But that’s what it is. It means you’re trying to make the relationship work with someone else who’s not.”

Yep, not at all what you are "rapping" about. It's kind of the opposite of your intentions. Oh sh*t, today must be opposite day, you guys. It's been a hot minute for me, so I guess I was just rusty on the rules of OD. Now, I'm off to get my cootie shot.

 ENJOY.

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Random Homie: Essie Recessionista Nail Polish

Essie Recessionista, $8

I was initially torn on making this b a RH, you guys. I've had this polish for a hot ass minute (I think I got it in the Allure Best of Beauty SWAG), but I never used it. It has just kind of given me a big ol' case of the "Meh"s in the bottle. But I read an article somewhere recently (my brain doesn't retain real facts) where some hoity toity fashion-y/beauty person was all, "Essie Recessionista is my jam of all jams." Okay, they were probably more like, "I really enjoy the plummy undertones of Recessionista," but you get my point. Either way, it motivated my lazy ass to actually try the polish, instead of just judging the sh*t out of it from afar.

I'm a thorough b face. Recessionista in THREE kinds of lighting.

Okay, okay. So color my ass wrong. It's effin' nice, right? It really doesn't look old lady-ish (That's just my old lady hands, shut up!) It's a deep red, with a slight purplish touch, but not ass deep as Essie Wicked or OPI Lincoln Park After Dark. Bottom line -- into it, and totally Random Homie worthy.

Pick Recessionista up for yourself at local drugstores/Targets/what have you, or here.



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This Is in My Head 99.9999% of the Day.

Why, oh why, can't I know someone named Patrice?



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Just in Case You Feel Like Judging the Sh*t Out of Someone, This is What I Did Today.

Yep. This is real life.

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