I Know That I Said I Was Done...

Pic via Daily Mail

But I just can't quit my boo. The most disturbing thing about these pictures is that C Stodd isn't wearing shoes while riding her bike. Do you remember how badly that ish hurt when you were a kid? You thought you were going to be a bad ass and go (shoe) commando, but then you just cried like a b.

Go see the other pics at Daily Mail. It involves Court playing volleyball by herself. She's just normaling, you guys. It's not weird.





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How to Not Look so Makeup-y (Even if You Have a Crap Load on)

Get rid of that dreaded "makeup 'stache." (I don't think it really has a name, but it does for me!)


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Vomitous Info of the Day: Sponsored by Lisa Marie Presley

I'll get right to the nasty (literally). Lisa Marie Presley told Elle Magazine in a recent interview that after she and Michael Jackson divorced in 1996 that they continued to have a...sex...u...al relationship for...four...more years. Ugh, that was hard to get out.

Michael Jackson has always been the absolute LEAST SEXUAL person in the world, to me. Don't believe me? Watch the video above and try to not feel nauseous. I dare you. It's not possible.


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Sounds Like a Good Deal to Me...

I seriously love Judge Mathis. And, yes, I recorded this myself. And, yes, I am trash.

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Lazy Custom DIY Mani: The Creamsicle!

Have you ever thought about the fact that you don't have to be limited to the nail polish color options in your CVS? (Or Sephora if you're fancy.) I almost always have some crazy color polish idea in my head that I want to come to life. So I usually just make it myself. And it's not hard. (Duh, I wouldn't do that ish. I avoid actual work like the plague.)

Lately, I have been craving a creamsicle. (Popsicle and manicure) But I haven't found a creamy, light orange polish in stores. So here's what I did.

I took two polishes that I already own (cheap a b), and combined them. I took the white polish (It's was pretty skanked out, too.) and poured out about half of it. Then I poured in about half of the orange polish into the white bottle. Now I still have the orange (that I'm still into), and I'm using the crappy a white that I would have thrown out anyway. Life is like a box of chocolates...I don't know what that has to do with a damn thing.

Let's see how this mess turned out.

I'm into it. I want to eat my wrinkly little fingers off it's so creamsicle-y! And wasn't that mess easy as eff? And it's not like you have to have a freaking lab (meth or otherwise) to get this ish done! Let's see what one of my dogs thinks about it.

Obvs, she likes it. What do you b's think? Will you try this? Or do you think I'm trash? (The correct answers are "yes" and "yes.")

P.S. Don't bring up my dog's tooth situation. She's sensitive about that ish.




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I Say This Without a Drop of Irony: I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS MESS

G-L-A-M-O-R-OUS. Yes.

 It has just been confirmed that Lindsay Lohan will be starring in the Lifetime biopic of Elizabeth Taylor's life. If you haven't gotten eyeball cramps from all of the rolling of them that you're doing, wait for this ish. The name of the movie: Liz & Dick. What the WHAT? Liz Taylor would be slapping a b across the face with some glittery gloves if she knew about this. That dame would NOT want the name of her biopic to sound like it belongs in the Romancing the Bone porn collection.

Was Tori Spelling not available? That b knows how to turn out a Lifetime movie. If you haven't seen this gem, you are missing out hardcore.

A wonderful cinematic experience

P.S. I found this while trying to find a picture from one of my favorite movies:

Amazing.

If Walt started dating a character played by Tori Spelling on Breaking Bad, I could die right now happily.

I doesn't take much for me.



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I Don't Know Much, But I Have Friends That Do: Skin Care Edition

One of my homeslices, Ginger Francis, is a bad ass medical aesthetician, so I called that b yesterday to get some tips on keeping your skin on point. And trust, I need all the help I can get. I have had skin issues for almost 20 years. I had horrible cystic acne in my teens, which has translated to occasional adult acne and scarring. Fun! It's a hot mess. So I got her to answer my biggest questions about aging, acne, and her favorite skin care products.

I first asked her what most people don't know about skin, and skin care. She says that your dead skin cells will just keep building up over time, making your skin dull and blah, if you don't do something about it. So exfoliation is very important, and you need to do it regularly. Think of exfoliation like it's working out, and think of the products that you use as your diet. You don't do 10 crunches, eat one salad, and have a six pack. You have to maintain that ish! Her best regimen recommendation for aging is: cleanser, toner (if you're oily), a vitamin c treatment, and some kind of retinol (like Retin-A). Retinols help to get rid of those old, ugly skin cells.

She says that vitamin c will brighten the skin, and give a youthful glow. Sounds good, right? My old a needs all the youth I can get. Here's her pick for a vitamin c treatment.

Obagi Professional-C Serum

Here's the cheap pick that I use. Don't ask me if it works. Hell if I know, but it's silky and not oily!

Avalon Organics Vitamin C Serum

Ginger also recommends using Retin-A daily. She says it's the most prescribed product/drug (whatever the hell you want to classify it as) for wrinkles AND acne. I have recently started back on the Retin-A train, although I have only been doing every other night in order to avoid peeling. (Ginger said I'm a baby and I should use it every night. Whatevs. )

On the nights that I don't use Retin-A, I've been using this retinol product from Neutrogena.

Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Serum

I've only been using it a couple of weeks, so we'll see if this is the business like I've been hearing for the past couple of months or not. But it's less than $20, and it's not oily, so I'm in for now.

Ginger says the one must-have for anti-aging is sunscreen, hands down. She says even if you are exfoliating and all that jazz, you will just keep damaging skin cells without sunscreen. Her favorite is ClearChoice Sport Shield Anti-Aging SPF 45 Sunscreen.

So how about all of the mess that we do wrong??? First off, stop using a wash cloth on your face. It's too harsh and can break down collagen. And be careful with waxing your eyebrows! Pulling on the skin can damage it, as well. Try threading for more of a gentle hair removal technique. 

If acne is an issue, Ginger recommends keep your routine simple; don't change products constantly, it can just inflame the skin even more. And most importantly, keep your hands OFF your face! As far as products go, she likes the Obagi Clenziderm Pore Therapy for oily skin, and the Obagi Clenziderm Therapeutic Lotion for dry skin.

And her favorite drugstore skin care product? She swears by Palmer's Skin Success Complexion Soap.

She hoards it, so go buy some before she buys every bar in existence!

Wow, that's a lot of information. I don't know that my tiny little brain can hardly handle it all. Do you guys have any specific skin care questions? I don't know much, but I can call people. I'm talented that way.

Now let's all get glowy together! (Or as much as my terrible skin will allow...)

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