Dammit, Ryan Gosling and Jennifer Lawrence. Stop Trying to Out Cute Each Other in My Heart!

via buzzfeed

Sonofab*tch. Ryan Gosling is cuter than a friggin' panda holding a baby koala wearing a monocle and an ascot. It's almost like this sh*t can't even be real. I think that Ry Gos might be an alien/android hybrid sent from outer space to steal our hearts, and ish. I mean, a person COULDN'T be cuter than this b, like, ever. Right?



Mother effer. J Law, you are making my heart explode. Why are you so cool? I really can't even handle either of these b's. It's too much. It's making me feel an emotion, and that' sh*t's not cool with me. Oh, and reporter dude that asked about her "peaking too early?" You, sir, are a dick. Can't a b*tch have LIKE FIVE MINUTES of happiness after winning an Oscar? Rude as eff. And that's saying something, coming from my ass.

P.S. If you want to buy one of those RG dish towels, you can do so here. Fifteen dollars never spent itself so easily.

P.P.S. The interviewer in the Gosling vid is pretty cool, too. Props to her for not being a dick.



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More Random Argan Homies: Amir Leave-In Hair Treatment & Amir Touch of Tan Moisturizer

I know, I know. I can't stop talking about friggin' Argan Oil products. What can I say? I'm a big ol' bag of a-holes. But you guys, Argan is the good good. And I keep finding bomb-ass (shout out to '01) products that feature it. IT'S NOT MY FAULT, MAN.

First up is Amir Argan Oil Leave-In Hair Treatment. What I really love about this stuff is that it's lightweight. It's thinner than others I've used, so you can totally use it with a million other styling products without issue. And heeelllooo there pump, so glad you're here. The pump makes it a bajillion times easier to dispense than a lame-ass pour yourself deal, and you don't have to worry about taking too much oily goodness with each use. I mean, what am I, a damn peasant? PUMPS FOR ALL! Scizzzore to the peeps that decided on that little feature.

Now to my favorite Amir homie, the Agran Oil Touch of Tan Moisturizer. Let me tell you 'bout my best friend, here. It contains not only Argan Oil (duh) and Acai Berry, but a little bit of self tanner to give your skin a nice glow. I LOVE THIS ISH. It's not TOO tan-y, and it smells like a mother effing dream. A dream, I tell you. There is not a hint of that gross ass self tanner bleeeeh smell. It's lovely.

And here's a cool little tidbit. You can go to Amir's Facebook page and get a damn FREE sample of their Argan Oil Moisturizer. Yeaaaas, b. Yes. These are salon-sold professional products, so prices will vary according to where you buy them. If you want to find your closest retailer, you can call 1.800.386.2826 for the deets. (Or, if you want to be a hooligan, you can probs pick them up on Amazon. Rule-breaking badass.)



But you'll NEVER be on Latarian's level, so you better just quit while you're ahead.




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What Kind of Effery is Anne Hathaway Wearing on Her Dome Area???

Listen. I know that there is a large(ish) group of mofo's that straight hate Anne Hathaway. I am not one of those people, I think that she's just fine -- in general. But this...

pics via daily mail

I can't go for that sh*t. Homegirl looks half a grandma, half a turrible craft project gone awry. And this hat is CLEARLY her straight jam right now, because she's wearing this mess multiple times. Annie Boo Boo, whaddup? It's not protecting your lovely porcelain skin from ish, and crap's making your hair look super wig-like underneath. Believe it or not, no matter my pro-fake hair stance, that is NOT complementary. And don't you b's even start telling me that this glorified Gam Gam's upside down hanging flower pot rip off is haute couture, or whatever. I don't give a damn. It's gross.

Not doing this sh*t with you, Hatha-path. Take it off. (And let me burn it.) It's for the good of humanity.







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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

This week for Allure, we discuss Things You Should Be Doing Instead of Watching That Harlem Shake Video: Annoying Beauty Stuff You Really Shouldn't Skip. Go check that ish out -- sh*t's mandatory.




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Why I'm Trash, I've Always Been Trash, And The Saddest Part Is That I Know: Perfume Edition

I really just wanted an excuse to loosely quote this skit from Jennifer Lawrence on SNL, because I feel like this character is my soul twin, and I need to go get an application from this fictional diner. It's the only career success that I could ever hope to have.

pink sugar perfume (sephora, $20-$60)

But here's the real reason that I'm trash. I love Aquolina's Pink Sugar perfume. Now, I'm not saying that this perfume is inherently trashy, but it's also loved by my favorite teenaged hot ass mess, Courtney Stodden.

Sh*t smells like straight up cotton candy, which is probably not ENTIRELY appropriate for a person in their 30's, AKA me. Unless you operate a cotton candy machine, then it's totally appropriate. And, also, I want your job. But if you love to smell like sweetness and sugar, then this ish is totally up your alley, and that alley leads straight to Candy Land. If musky musk is more your deal, than I suggest you pass go, and try Monopoly-inspired fragrances, if that exists. I hope it does. And I hope it smells like monocles.

 

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Who's Up For a Round of "I Watch to Punch Myself About the Eardrums and Eyeballs?"

Before we start talking about the horrendousness that is this "music" video, be warned. This crap is completely NSFW, and not even because it says eff like forty times (which it does), but more for the ear drum safety of those around you.

When I first got started on this hot ass, screamy mess, I thought I was in for some LMFAO-type of tom foolery blandess. Little did I know B's WERE GETTING THEIR FACES SCREAMED INTO FOR FOUR MINUTES. Why are you bringing innocent pig costumes into this fiasco? What did pseudo pigs ever do to your ass? And two of these "band members" did absolutely nothing (except OD on LA Looks hair gel, and possibly have a driver's license). Not even a scream-peep. Weak. And while we're on the whole hair thing, SOMEBODY'S been hitting up a BOGO hair bleach sale at Sally Beauty Supply. WHY. WHY DOES THIS EXIST? I would rather watch Darla all effin' day than these friggin' Tim "The Toolman" Taylor tool bags. (Sorry, Tim Allen. I have no beef with you. Except for maybe those Santa Clause movies.) But seriously, why are you screaming? It doesn't even make sense with the sh*tty song. I hope the home owners' association in your parents' neighborhood kicks them out for letting you film this sh*t in their driveway.

via fyeahitsalwayssunny

Everything.





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Hair Homies: Serge Normant Meta Silk Shampoo & Meta Velour Conditioner

serge normant meta silk shampoo & meta velour conditioner, $24 each

Soooo, here's the realio dealio happening in my (hair) life. Remember when I did that whole red thing? Well, I got over that sh*t, like I do, and I had to get rid of it. So when I went to my amazing ass hair stylist, she had to strip my hair, and then promptly made me swear on that book of hair color Barbie hair samples that I would never use boxed hair dye again. Needless to say, I kind of effed up my hurrs. So when the peeps at Serge Normant sent me over some sample-age of the Meta Silk Shampoo and Meta Velour Conditioner to try, it was perfect timing. I had to get my haircare game SERIOUSLY on point, or I would be on the express bus to bald lady town.

Luckily for me, this stuff is the sauce. The first time I used this combo, my hair felt super silky and moisturized, but not greasy or heavy. Which is big for me, because as a fine-haired lady, that ish happens A LOT. These products are straight up luxurious -- thick and creamy (no comment) and make you feel like you should be wearing some fancy ass diamond cocktail ring while using them. And you shouldn't expect any less. The brain behind the line is hairdresser to stars like Julia Roberts, SJP, and Blake Lively. This ish makes me feel like I have a trust fund.

Get fancy on yo' own ass, and shop for yourself here.





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