The Badass B List: Best Ish You Might've Never Heard Of

I am usually trying/reviewing stuff that's pretty effin' mainstream. You know, you can buy it at a convenience store practically. Don't get me wrong -- it's great to have beauty products at the tips of your fingers, but it doesn't always mean they're the best. I have been sent some beauty products to try that I have never, ever heard of before, and ending up being my ride or die homies and I just HAD to put them on my Badass B List.

Me & the Girls' Lavandula Revive Foot Scrub, $24

My feet are rough as hell. I don't ever get pedicures, and I wear INSANE shoes all the time, so it's typically not cute to feel my feet. I got this foot scrub from Me & the Girls, and it is heaven. It has spearmint butter creme base with fine grain organic sugar cane. I kind of want to eat it, but I don't, so I get points for that. All of the MATG products are at least 98% organic, so that is crazy badass. But best of all, this stuff leaves my feet smooth and silky AND super moisturized. Check out the rest of the MATG products here.

Beauty for Real's Illuminating Lip Gloss, $22

I seriously can't even stop with this lip gloss. I haven't stopped wearing it since I got that b. The color I'm wearing above is called Deeply in Love. It starts out as an ox blood reddish, and it fades beautifully into an almost stain. I've never had a gloss texture that I like so much, and that wore so well. It doesn't get clumpy, sticky, uneven, or weird. AND it has a cooling, minty flavor. AND the applicator has not only a mirror, but also a LIGHT on the package. Mess is IN mofo SANE, people. See all the colors here.

Floss Gloss Nail Polish, $8

Hot damn, you guys. My picture does this nail polish ZERO justice. The shade of Floss Gloss shown is Stun, and it is so beyond the friggin' cat's pajamas that is like the cat's tuxedo. All of the polishes have no Dibutyl Phthalate (DBP), no Toluene, no Formaldehyde and no Formaldehyde Resin, so you can rest easy with that mess. I thought when I tried Stun that it was going to be a glittery top coat, because I already had a red polish on my nails. But as you can see, my ass was sorely mistaken. Stun is a full-on glitter polish that was 99% opaque with one coat. My nails look like a sexy, golden Studio 54 ball, and I'm obsessed. See the full range of colors (that I can't wait to try) here.

This is the first installment of The Badass B List, which I will be TRYING to make a thing -- like fetch. So stay tuned for that nonsense.




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Pictures to Peruse While Listening to Jock Jams

Ugh. Remember this disgustingness?

That's a badass b rollin' deep right there.

Oh, No Fear shirts. Never have charm and trash collided in such a way.

Does this even need a caption?

I had this exact crimper. Y'all ready for this?

I had these shoes, too. Flawless. Thanks, Spice Girls.

Get that Guts agrocrag, honey.

Please tell me you guys remember Pumps. Why the eff do we need air to tighten the shoes, again???

Okay, so you should probably listen to grunge for this, but tell me you don't want that earring.

Seriously, why?

Who loves sweaty feet with dirt particles stuck to them?

I once cried because of this show. I was 15.

This is way after Jock Jams, but exactly WHAT THE EFF IS THIS?

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Color My Ass Surprised -- Victoria's Secret Eyeliner Is the Business.

pic via victorias secret

It's no SECRET (Ugh. I hate myself. I am THE WORST.) that I love liquid eyeliner. It's the fastest way to give an old tired, haggard face a polished look. And trust me, I'm a haggard ass b like 97.4% of the time, so I'm pretty much an expert in these things. I have been using my original gangsta' liquid liner, Lancome Artliner -- which I love -- for a very, very long time. Anytime I ever stray from that mess, I always sorely disappointed. But, the good peeps over at VS sent me this Graphic Liner Pen ($13) to try, so I thought what the eff. I had super lowered expectations:

My only experience with VS beauty products have been those squeeze lip glosses that they have by the register in the stores, which I have made my b*tch on many occasions -- don't get me wrong. I found the pen SUPER easy to use, and it made a very crisp line on the eye, that could also make a thin line. I effin' HATE liquid liners that get all thick and crazy. Stop making those, cosmetics people. They suck! Here's a little doodling on my hand to show you the deal.

 See? Thin and manageable, unlike my ass. Yikes! I will also give this stuff credit, because I wore it to an outdoor hippie concert where it rained all over my face, and it didn't run. I even have a fuzzy picture to prove it.

I only partially look like the scary w (Can you call a ghost child a w?) from The Ring. Bottom line? Into it.


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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

pic via allure

You guys are going to hate my ass, but I am having a total Ke$$$$$$ha moment lately. Her new song is totally ear wigging the hell out of my brain, so I came up with some ways to get all Kesha-ed out, without actually rubbing dirt (and possible body fluids) on yourself. Read my tips over on the Allure blog.


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This Is Really Happening.

pic via la gear

Hot damn, you guys. Do you know what those little puppies up there are? They are the re-launched LA MOTHER EFFING LIGHTS SHOES. These exist, and I'm so friggin' excited. I had LA Lights the first time around, and they were (obviously) my jam. I mean, a shoe that lights up at you walk is totally appropriate for a woman in her 30's, right? I feel like Jem (or maybe the Misfits) just drove her van over a rainbow made from Rainbow Brite dolls to deliver these to me. Go check out the badass color selection (and be fresh to death, if you want, and buy a pair) here. Can we do this, people? Or am I being even more insane than normal?



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It's Just Getting to Be Too Much. (AKA The New Christina Aguilera Video)

I think that the time has come to give up the shenanigans. I am not saying that Aggy is old. We are the same effing age. So, with complete empathy and understanding I say to you, dear lady -- isn't is time to stop faux beej-ing/killing dudes with your sex in bathrooms? Listen, I dress myself like a confused five year old that idolizes Russell Brand, so I totally get it. Being in your 30's is hard. But when you are almost old enough to run for President, it might be time to stop wearing dresses that you buy in a ziploc bag from the adult novelty store. We're getting old, boo boo. And that's why...

pic via mr hankey

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Get Yo' Beauty Blogger Box On

pic via soap.com

Allure is teaming up with Revlon to sell the Beauty Blogger Box, which contains all of the favorite products from our Revlon video challenge. The best part is that $5 of each sale goes to the Look Good Feel Better cause, which helps women with cancer. Here's what's included in the box:

• 1 Revlon Colorstay 16 Hour Eye Shadow Quad 500-Addictive
• 1 Revlon Revlon Photoready Sculpting Blush Palette-001-Pink
• 1 Revlon Revlon Photoready Perfecting Primer
• 1 Revlon Photoready 3D Volume Mascara 002-Black
• 1 Revlon Colorburst Lipgloss Peony-008 

The eyeshadow quad is my favorite color of them all; it's ridiculously versatile. And the sculpting blush palette is badass. The only thing I haven't tried in the box is the primer, because we all know that I am grossly oily. You can purchase the box here, for $49.95. And if you want to see the video I did with these products -- and how to get multiple uses from them -- check it out here.


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