Get Ready to Rock Out With Your...Nevermind. It's Thanksgiving, According to This Young Lady.

I've found my new jam to twerk it to, you guys. This is Nicole Westbrook, and she wants you to know that it's Thanksgiving. I don't even know what the story is here, but I do kind of want that dude's turkey hat. But seriously, are we just letting kids do whatever the eff they want to these days? (Sh*t, I'm old.)



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Random Homie: Ralph Lauren Big Pony (Whaaa?) Women's Collection #2 Perfume

sephora, $19-$70

Perfume is friggin' weird, iddnit? (Copyright: Ursula the sea witch) There is a scent to every way you ever want to feel. I have perfume that I wear when I want to be a slightly dirty, yet expensive gothy lady of the night, when I want to be a sweet, innocent fairy person (or Courtney Stodden), and I have this stuff. I got this pony as part of the Best of Beauty Swag, and had zero idea of the name until just now. BIG PONY COLLECTION??? Now I like this ish even more. I like this on a day where I want to pretend that I am a fancy, preppy lady that inherited her great grandmama's pearl necklace. (You don't know how badly I have to refrain from making wildly inappropriate jokes right now. Deep breaths...)

This perfume smells sweet, clean, and fresh. Like a sunny Summer's (not eve) day. I feel more clean when I spray it, even if my lazy ass hasn't happened to have showered. (Hey, that ish happens when you're LAZEEE 4 LYFE, and sometimes quite frequently. Judge away, I'll just be spraying my Big Pony over here.) Bottom line, I want to ride this pony.



Sorry. I would be COMPLETELY remiss if I didn't go there. Good God, where is Ginuwine?

P.S. Now that I'm older, I totally appreciate the fact that Ginuwine actually misspelled genuine so that he could have "wine" in his name.

P.P.S. THIS.





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What in Eff's Sake ARE THESE THINGS?

via buzzfeed

As the late, great Whitney Houston would say, "Oh hell to the naw!" This is just atrocious. And needless. What are you putting in those pockets, boo? A mini notebook in the back pocket? A piece of gum in that tiny inner pocket? These are truly the devil's jean/boot/flip flop hybrid.

Let's wash our brains with some Kaitlin.



I wanna be GLAMOROUS!


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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Scarlett Johansson's Pre-K Tattoo

So Scarlett Johansson got a new tattoo...Yep. She sure did. I thought that she might've tattooed it on her own body from the looks of it, but apparently some graffiti artist designed it. Okay. I feel like it would have looked better if one of those bigger-sized My Little Ponies heated up his hoof with a gas station lighter and stomped on homegirl's rib cage. I tried to find a picture of the size of MLP I'm talking about, but instead I found whatever the hell this is:

People are into some weird ish, aren't they? But maybe a dude wearing this outfit tattooed her. That would make a whole lotta sense.

P.S. I'm pretty sure I got flagged by the FBI for being on whatever skeevy ass site I visited getting that picture. Heeeey! (See what I did there?)



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I Do Not Co-Sign on This Ish.

pic via buzzfeed

Nope. No ma'am. No. You're my girl, C Aggs, but something about this is very reminiscent of womanly times. No.





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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Nail Polish for the Manly Meeens

pic via alpahanail.com seriously, go look at it

No, this isn't a photo still from a low rent Cinemax vampire-themed soft core porn movie. It's a picture from Alpha Nail, which is nail polish made for super bro-type dudes. Now let me say this -- I am 100% for gender equality. If you are a dude, and you're into nail polish, awesome. I can suggest some great ones for you. But this has a very, a-hem, douchey feel to the details. From the website:

It is a statement... a proclamation of the inner attitude of the alpha. It is about having the confidence that says ‘I am my own man, and will decide the rules for how I live my life according to how I see fit.

For those of you with a flair for style, our colors are so sick Dr. House can’t fix them. The revolutionary matte collection provides an uber-masculine and fashion forward satin finish, and our metallics shine like candy paint in the summer time. What’s more, our unique click pen applicator does away with those dainty little brushes and girly nail polish containers. Just click, paint, put the cap on, and its ready to go for another round. 

Oh, my. I just wanted to punch myself in the face reading that. And then there's this:

via alphanail.com

Your eyes are not deceiving you. That is, in fact, THE SHOCKER on this handy little guide of "How to Alpha Nail." Gross. I want to bleach my eyeballs.

pic via buzzfeed

I will say that I like matte nail polish, so maybe I'll hide my lady bits and get some to try for myself. Too bad I'm not uber-masculine. Bleh.

P.S. Thanks to Abby for emailing this mess to me. If you spot a guuuuuuurl out there, email me at shannon@glossanddirt.com.



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Help This B.

Uggggh. I am the most indecisive person in the world. I hate a commitment to anything, even hair color. So I need my home peeps to help me pick my next hair color. Here's somewhat what I currently look like:

Ignore my scrunchie. Or don't, and judge the eff out of me. So you get the idea. It's a darkish brown with some slightly lighter panels. Okay. So here's the thing -- I've had EVERY HAIR COLOR EVER.

I mean, AMIRIGHT? Here are my thoughts -- I really like this hair color. I have blocked the face of this young lady, because I don't even know who she is.

In my wildest fantasies, I want this:

But everyone that I've ever met is STRONGLY opposed to this choice. I hate everyone. OR should I stay pretty much on the hair path that I am currently on? This was the color inspiration for my current color:

I am, of course, open to other options. Help my annoying ass! I don't know what to do with my life!

P.S. Not that it really matters, but my real hair color is a dark, ashy blonde. It's horrendous.







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