GUUUUUURL of the Day: Ice Ice Baby's 90's Semi-Nude Pictorial

pic via buzzfeed

Today is Vanilla Ice's 45th birthday, you guys. (Damn, I'm an old b.) And in celebration, here is a topless picture of homeslice from -- I'm assuming -- roughly 1991. B UNDID HIS OVERALLS FOR US. And I think I spy with my little eye a lil' airbrushing on them there pantalones. Bleh. I just 150% (Maury guest style) can't handle one bit of this. There is literally not one place I can comfortably rest my eyes on this photograph. Luckily, I took a picture of my reaction face to looking at this for the first time.

I apologize for my lack of "FACE" I'm giving in this, but this is real life in this b. Sorry, Icey, this is not cute.

 

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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

pic via allure

Tonight is Halloween. (duh) That means if you don't clean your ish up tonight, after a wild night of crazy faced debauchery, you will look a hot, hot mess tomorrow. Go read my Allure blog for tips on how to clean up your Halloween hair and makeup mess.



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Happy Halloween, You Scandalous B's!

I know that this is turning into an "I heart Richard Simmons" blog, but I don't give an eff.



I also have another favorite Halloween video to set yo' ass off today.



Now go get your slutty baby doll costume on, or whatever. Get that candy, girl!


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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Rihanna's Expensive Ass Album

pic via ri ri's instagram

Rihanna is coming out with a new album November 16th, called Unapologetic, which is a completely appropriate title. Why? She is selling a "deluxe" copy of the CD for effing $250! IN THIS ECONOMY?!? ( I really love saying that.) But seriously, that's friggin' insane. According to US Weekly, here's what you get for that quarter thou:

Described as a "limited edition art piece for a true collector," the Diamonds Executive Platinum Box comes packed with super-exclusive extras, including a handwritten personal note from the star and a custom-made white-and-silver View-Master with a "vintage reel of never-before-released 3-D images" of her style evolution.

Fans who purchase the set will also get a T-shirt, a two-gigabyte flash drive with Rihanna's photo on it, seven art-print lithographs, seven laptop stickers, a poster, a 40-page book of notes and lyrics, a 20-minute DVD, and a special-edition vinyl record featuring remixes of the hit "Diamonds."

Oh, you get a View-Master! Nevermind, ish is TOTALLY worth it. And she's going to write you a post-it note, or something. Enjoy, richie riches!

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Random Homie: Skin Authority Daily Cleanser

Have I mentioned that my skin is total ish? Oh, yeah -- I have -- about 239,206 times. Yay! Because of this mess of a face, I have to be extremely careful about the products that I use. I first tried the Skin Authority Daily Cleanser when they sent me a travel sample several months ago. I was really into it, so I ended up buying the full size when I ran out. It's not cheap ($42 for 6 oz.), but a little bit of this stuff goes a loooong way. I have been using the tube for at least five months, and it still feels pretty much full. It also has a little bit of Glycolic Acid in it, so it really helps exfoliate and deeply clean the skin, which is EXACTLY what my grossness needs. When I use the Daily Cleanser with my Clarisonic, my face feels super crazy clean. And soft!

"I'm clean! I'm clean!"

I have tried other cleansers over the past months, but I just keep coming back to my ol' standby. The others just haven't been as good for me. So pretty much what I'm saying is, once you go to this dude, you never go back. (Or something else that rhymes more appropriately.)



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Sandy is Effing With NKOTB

Donnie Walhberg's apartment was flooded, thanks to that no good b, Sandy. He posted a series of videos to his Twitter account, showing the damage. Doesn't she know that Donnie's the bad boy? He doesn't play.



Ugh, that b. On the serious, BE CAREFUL! I wish I could slap that Sandy ho.




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GUUUUUURL of the Day: That B, Sandy

Update: Sandy really is a b*tch. I hope all of the NYC-er's are safe and sound. It looks scary as hell up there! I'm thinking about you, boos.

pic via nydailynews

Hurricanes are a mutha effin' pain in the ass, aren't they? I've lived in FL my entire life, so trust, I know. And this Sandy trick is no joke. So all of you people in her path be careful, you hear me? Everytime I hear Hurricane Sandy, I picture this in my head:

For those of you that are under 30, you probably don't recognize this Sandy. This is Sandy Duncan, actress of the 80's and before, that I had always known to have a glass eye. It was a much talked about/fodder for annoying 80's comics kind of deal. WHICH I found out when researching just now (Shut up. I read ish sometimes.) ISN'T EVEN TRUE. She is blind in one eye, but that puppy is au naturale. I feel like my childhood was a lie.

I know Sandy Duncan from the show Valerie, which became the show Valorie's Family: The Hogans, which became The Hogans. Damn, that's a torrid show title history. But really, I remember the show because it starred Jason Bateman as one of the sons.

That's him, on the left.

When Jason Bateman's career had an initial resurgence a few years ago, I was like, "That's the dude from the show with the lady with the glass eye!"



Wow. The 80's were a helluva thing, weren't they?

P.S. You don't have to thank me for spending precious minutes of your life with this rambling, nonsensical mess. Sandy's (the hurricane) is a b face. I'm done.


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