Weirdest Beauty Review to Write...

It's no secret up in these parts that I am a True Blood fan. So I was super excited when HSN sent me their fragrance inspired by True Blood, Forsaken, to try. But here's the rub: How the eff do you even review a perfume? Like how can I describe a smell to you? I don't know ish about "fragrance notes" or whatever. I feel like that's something that a sommelier or something would know about. Or maybe Heather from the Real Housewives of OC. She's fancy.

See, I don't even know what the hell bergamot is. Sigh.

So, let me give my amateurish, I-wore-Sunflowers-for-a-long-ass-time review. It smells really good. Okay, see you guys later! No. It has a slightly muskier, darker, sexy vanilla-ish smell. It smells like a sexy vampire. Like how Pam might smell, for instance. Like "I might devour you, or I might let you live." I'm totally into it. Like this:

Minus the Herve Leger dress, plus vanilla. The entire True Blood collection is available for purchase only on HSN August 9th. You can see for your self what this potion smells of. Or Heather, help me.






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And My "That Dude's Hot" Shame Spiral Hits a New Low.

I came across this article on I'm Not Obsessed, which contained this photograph of young Justin Bieber. Don't worry, I'm not about to go all, "Justin Beiber is hot now." No, he's not. BUT, I was like, "Who is that slightly trashy, Liev Schreiber's less attractive brother looking, jorts wearing, hot man with Lady Biebs?"

Pic via Imnotobesessed.com

Holy ish, you guys. THAT'S J. BIEBS DAD. It's not Kevin Federline's hotter cousin. Ugh. I'm old. And completely gross. I'm going to bury my disgust in cupcakes and wine wine cooler (more appropriate). It's 8:45 where I live right now. IDGAF.

Update: Because I'm weird, I couldn't stop thinking about 'Lady Beibs', and I really think that Justin Bieber should make a cameo on Downton Abbey. This is what it might look like.

I'm done. Happy Friday, b faces.




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My Strange Addiction: Hair Color Edition

I'm weird. (I know, no ish on that one.) But one of my weirdest quirks comes to my treatment of hair dye. I have a horrible habit of having a boss b as a hair stylist, and then deciding that I should dye my own sh*t. I don't know what the eff my deal is. I'm an a-hole.

In my quest to be the world's worst hair client, I have tried just about every home hair dye out there, from the cheap mess to Sally Beauty Supply "professional" stuff. I'm surprised I haven't melted my own face off at this point. I stopped by the ol' Sephora today and got Couture Colour's Luxeblend™ Crème Hair Colour With Pequi Glossing Serum in Dark Brown, because I have been dying (har, har) to try a little bit more of an upscale at home dye, and this one doesn't have ammonia.

This is what the kit looks like. It comes with a brush (but no bowl) if you want to apply it that way, or it also has a bottle tip, if that's more your bag. They also include a little vial of pequi oil (whatever the hell that is) to use to condition the hair after coloring. I guess it's like a Moroccan/argan oil. That's what it seemed like to me.

I chose to use the brush application method, because a) I'm a badass, and b) I have a hair color bowl. It actually makes a pretty large amount of dye when mixed. It was really just the perfect amount of product to do an all-over color. I was a little worried (not really) about how the color would turn out, because I had read some reviews on the Sephora website that said all of the colors were darker than the box. Um, duh peeps. It's home hair color. That ish is always darker. And it's called DARK brown. Dark.

Here are my before and after results. I have had some ombre/balayage highlights for several months now, and I'm over it. So I really just wanted to cover them b's up. The afters are an inside and an outside photo. I'm happy with the color. It's a dark brown, which is what I expected, and the color is very even and shiny. And the smell was pleasant (to me anyway) but I actually like the smell of hair dye. I'm a gross weirdo.

I think I have found my new go to hair dye for the periods of time when I want to pretend that I know WTF I'm doing. Are you guys DIY-ers? Or am I the only crazy ass?




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Lazy Blogging: Go Read Something That I Already Wrote

Pic via Allure Magazine

This week, for my Allure blog, I discussed my intense lady love for the beauty stylings of Gwen Stenfani. Click here to check that shizz out!




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True Blood Musings: Let's Get Drunk on Old-Ass Vamp Blood!

This week is brought to you by Russell's Lollipop Guild hair.

Please tell me that this man is wearing a wig. Let's discuss all of this nonsense...

JUMP!


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#HighFashion

And people wonder why I love court shows.



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Jem and the Holograms Made Me a Crazy B

I think that we can all agree that Jem is the hottest cartoon of all time.

But I can also say, with complete confidence, that this b effed up my life. How can you even live up to glamor like this? A lace fingerless glove AND a leather fingerless glove? I mean, damn, a regular b doesn't stand a chance. And in this video, Jem becomes A JEM MERMAID. Sigh.



Seriously, I think that Jem made a huge impact on my young life. Here are the Jem-isms that have stuck with me:

Wear Whatever the Hell Crazy Outfit You Want: I have always been somewhat of a fashion risk-taker. I was never one to care about matching, and I have been known to be somewhat over-the-top at times. My mom told me a few months ago that "I was finally in style, because not matching is a thing now." Sigh.

A Badass Earring Can Make Everything Better: I really like to wear a 'statement' earring in one ear, and like a stud, or whatever, in the other. I think it really harkens back to my Jem days, and that damn magical earring. If I had one that could light up, that ish would rock my world.

All Pink Errrthing: Damn, I love pink. And a little more than any dumb dumb in her thirties should. If I could have Jem-pink hair right now, and not look crazier than tanning mom, (too dated a reference?) I totally would. Man, I hate myself.

Don't Be Afraid to Take a Chance on Beauty:  Jem wears damn hot pink eyeshadow trapezoids like a boss. That mess inspires me to try different hairstyles, makeup colors, and more. Who cares if your look might lean more toward the insane side of the beauty scale? YOLO. (I know, I know.)

Now get ready for you day to be ruined. You better get your novelty-sized eraser out, because you are about to clear your schedule for the foreseeable future. Jem and the Holograms is on Netflix watch instantly. On a completely unrelated note, I have to go. I have to weed my vegetable garden, or something. (And no, that is NOT a euphemism for something sexual.) Okay, fine. I'll be in a mother effin' Jem-induced rabbit hole for the next 2384032984 hours. Bye, b's.




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