Ma'am, Your Boob Is Staring at Me...Angrily.

Photo via Huffington Post

Let's all just drink in this Sour Sally. This is the wife of one of the dudes that created Angry Birds, angrily donning an Angry Bird-themed dress. Why so glum, chum? Maybe she's just getting into character? Or maybe she's pissed that she kind of looks like she was wearing a normal red satin dress, and on the way in she somehow had a crazy, wacky mishap that ripped the bodice of her dress. She happened upon a display of  Angry Bird kites in the lobby of this party (which is probs for some kind of A.B. ish), and she resourcefully patched up her dress with said kite! I bet that's it. I'm sure this b didn't pay 8 bajillion dollars for this mess. (Slash, she totally did.) Sigh.

This post brought to you by Angry Birds.

(No, it's totally not. It's brought to you by me, an unemployed, bored person, but that would be cool.)

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Oh, Get My "Notebook!"

Click picture to enlarge

See what I did there? Because it's Rachel McAdams...Anyway, b looked major AND sexual last night at the Sherlock Holmes blah blah in London last night. This silvery Marchesa is freaking ah-mama-mazing, right? Now lets say you and ol' Ry Ry get back together and make America happy!
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Sign I'm Old/of the Apocalypse: I Bought More Crap From Old Navy, and I Love it, I Love it, I Love it!

Yes, I just won an award for the longest blog title ever.

Thanks, Zac. Zack? Zak? Whatever. Back to ol' Old (I'm old) Navy. I went there on Black Friday ( I know, what the eff?!?) and I actually got some stuff I really like. Do you guys remember this?



Duh...Of course you do. I actually got the pants that the ginger is wearing in the commercial, which I can't find on the Old Navy website. Boo!!! But these are similar.

Here I am, greasy, sweatyish hair and all! But the pants are aweeee-some. They are tight and the least jiggly-like of any workout pant that I have ever had. And bonus points that I don't have a weird baggy area around the frontal crotchal area, which I frequently have in workout gear. I had to fold them down, because I'm super ridic short, but they stayed that way while I worked out.

The sports bra is also from Old Navy, and is also pretty bad ass. It's padded, but not in a porny way, in a not nippley kind of way. I also couldn't find this on the website, but they do have it in black (which I also bought).

So I give two sweaty thumbs up to this ish! In fact, I'm buying more. I'm fifty. Fifty years old!


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I Just Can't: Vicky Edition

Listen, I usually can co-sign just about anything that ol' Poshy Becks wears. I'm down with the tightness (That sounds gross.), the cray cray high heels (Love it!), and the on-and-off again hair extensions (Check!). However, THIS, I am not into. The leather (stirrup?) leggings are cool. The dress is fine. But together? Yeah, no. Maybe if the dress was shorter? Or just not there, and she was wearing a top? Or are these leather leg warmers? Oh, God. My heart hurts.

P.S. I TOTALLY endorse David Beckham, though. Just wear him. Pin It

Don't Look Like a Bulky McBulkerson This Winter!

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Easy and Cheap Item to Spice Up Your Fall/Winter Wardrobe

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Damn You, Target!

I got an email from Target today, letting me know that they have a limited time designer collabo with Albertus Swanepoel, who typically makes hats that retail for around $400. I super love the leopard hat here, and the best part is all of the hats are $19.99! What??? Okay, Target. You've snookered me again into wanting some of your bull ish!

Here are a few more that I'm pretty much dying over.

So cute! What do you guys think? Are you "hat girls?" Check out the entire Target collection here. Pin It

Yes! I Love Cheap Androgyny!

Right on the heels of their major collabo with Versace, H&M announced today that they are doing a line inspired by Lisbeth Salander, the main character of the hot book/movie "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." (P.S. If you haven't read that ish yet, what are you waiting for? It's great. Just skim all of the uber-Swedish names and stuff.) Picture dark, bad ass, leather, hoods and stuff. I personally can't wait. This looks hot as hell. And if the H&M doesn't open soon near me (There has been an "Opening Soon" sign nonsense up forever), I might have to shank a b*tch. I bet Lisbeth would totally endorse that action.

What about you guys? Are you into it? Pin It

I'm Cheap: Part 12093820983, Fashion Edition

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Calling All Cheap B's: Old Navy Boots Edition

We all know by now that I'm cheap as hell. I happened into an Old Navy last weekend, and there was some huge ass sale going on. Full disclosure: I kind of hate Old Navy, typically. I feel like everything is super blah, but that's just me. I'm a b*tch. I prefer to shop at F21, and be three times the age of the average demographic when I purchase my cheap ass wares. To each her own and blah, blah. But I actually picked up some pretty cute boots. They were all at least 50% of, which sounds good to me. I hate to pay a lot for a boot that's kind of trendy, and I'm not going to wear next Fall/Winter season. And all of the following probably meet those criteria. Let me shut the eff up and let's see some cheap crap!


First I got these western-style ankle boots. I paid $14. I mean, that ish is cheap. On the web, all of these are more expensive for some reason, so you might want to check out your local Old Navy.


I also picked up these cute wedge desert boots. I've been looking for a cute desert boot this season, but I need a wedge because, A) I'm short, and B) I'm stumpy. So these fit the bill. Plus. they are gray, which is one of my favorite colors. (BOOOORING!) I paid $18 for these, and once again that is cheaper than posted online.

The last pair I got were these motorcycle boots. I've been wanting this split style boot since I came across these Dolce Vita boots several months ago, and couldn't find my size. These Old Navy's are a super close copy. And for $20, it works for me. A lot of people were bitching in the reviews that there was a split in the side of the boot that flopped over. For me, that is the point, but just be warned if that's not your thing.

So that's my super cheap Old Navy haul! If none of these styles are your bag, go check out everything that they have on sale right now. Good luck, and happy cheap ass shopping!

Edit: I took some terrible pictures of the boots on, so you can get a general idea. My photography is AWFUL. All apologies. (Credit: Nirvana)

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When Pants-less-ness Goes Too Far

Listen, Aggs. I still love you, but this is just more than my poor eye/heart combination can take. What exactly am I viewing here? Tights and boyshorts? A leotard and a t-shit? (I seriously typed that first. It fits.) At least she wore her sensible and sassy Chico's pleather coat over this mess. I mean, really. Some things are sacred!

Photo: US Weekly Pin It

Take Your Favorite Summer Dress Into Fall!

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This. B.

Ol' formerly Dash face (currently cattish? face) wore this ish BOWLING the other night. Listen, I'm a ridiculous b*tch. I overdress for effing EVERYdamTHING, and even I know this is crazy as hell. Pin It

Easy Fall Fashion: 1 Dress, 3 Ways

Okay, b's. It's officially fall! I made another sh*tty (yet hopefully somewhat helpful) vid to show you a few ways to style one simple fall dress.



Let me know what you guys would like more videos/posts about! Pin It

Are You Going to Try This Ish? Or am I Cray-Zay?

So I got brave today. I've been wanting to try the open-toed bootie/wedge/whatever the hell you wear on your feet and sock trend, but I've been scared. I decided to do it today. I was getting my beloved Russian mail order bride (rude) bangs cut, and I said, "Eff it. I'm wearing socks and wedges. Bite me, world!"

I'm into it, guys. I can't lie. I can't wait to try different socks, tights, hospital shoe covers, cotton balls, everything! What do you guys think? Are you willing to give this look a try? It's okay if you hate it. I won't judge you. (Yes, I totally will.) Speak yo' mind! (And the rest will follow...Shout out: En Vouge) Pin It

Hot Cheap Sh*t: Missoni for Target Edition

I'm so excited, you guys! On September 13th, Missoni is releasing a HUGE collection (Over 400 pieces!) for Target. From Missoni's signature zig zag printed knit pieces to housewares to a bike (Eeeep!), this ish is hot.

Target has also released a lot of the lookbook, which you can check out here. I'm dying over stuff like the tights and this hot ass poncho deal right here. But also the clutch, the swimwear...Ugh! So much! Crap, I'm going to be at Target for 2309483098 hours next Tuesday. B's better make way!

What do you guys think? Are you excited for Missoni for Target, like I am (obvs)? Pin It

Who's Ready for Transition?

I'm sick of sweating my ass crack off, boob sweat, upper lip sweat. All that ish. I'm ready for a season change. I'm always on board for transitional pieces. Anything that will bring me on in to the following season is great, because I'm impatient as a mofo. I really wanted some motorcycley/bad ass b*tch boots. So I tried these Steve Maddens on.

They were super soft and flopped down just like I wanted. One problem. I looked like a damn bowling ball. Stumpy stump stump stumpsville. It was a hot ass mess. I have to say, I have given up on paying like $200 for shoes that make me look like sh*t.

So instead I got these Vince Camutos.

I'm in love, you guys. They feel like friggin' butter. My legs don't look (as) stumpy. Cute with skinnies, skirts, dresses, yadda yadda.

And, yes, I have already been wearing them even though it 5 million degrees outside. I don't give an eff.

What are you guys excited about wearing for Fall? Next on my list is a cape/poncho!

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Let's Talk About This Krap.

 Have you guys heard about this line the Kardashian sisters are doing for Sears? Well they had a launch party last night for said line, and they are wearing the wares. Please hop on over the the Sears website so you can view this Kardashian Kollection. Okay, are you back? Let's talk about this mess.

First of all, stop with the "K" bull ish. It's not "kute." Now let's talk about the clothes. They are pretty much what I would expect. Kind of tacky and cheap looking, okay, fine. Not too shocking. You know what is shocking the eff out of me? The frigging price!!! Take Kourtney's outfit in the picture above. The top is $96 and the skirt is $99. B's, you are out of your damn minds. Almost $200 for a SEARS OUTFIT?!?

Target has been doing successful collaborations with REAL DESIGNERS like Alexander McQueen and Zac Posen for years, and at slightly above their normal, low prices. Dresses are usually $30 to $40. And customers understand the the quality will not be the haute couture of the normal high-end designs. I really don't know where these people get off. WTF? You are turning away your Sears customers by pricing this crap so highly.

What do you guys think? Are you into these looks? What about the prices? Pin It

Tell Me WTF To Do

I am a high heels, platforms, wedges as high as they make them kind of girl. Probably because I am short as a mofo and I have a complex with my legs being a-hem, "stumpy." But I digress...I have recently moved to a bigger city, that is much more conducive to actually walking places. Or like parallel parking and walking to your destination. Bleh. It is becoming increasingly tough to wear my beloved five and six inch heels all the time. So, I have been wearing flip flops more and more. I don't like flip flops. So here I am.

Toms. Are these me? Do I keep schlepping around in flip flops? I like their whole give a pair of shoes to needy kids for every pair they sell thing. What do you guys think? I'm facing an internal war of glam versus flats! I need help. Pin It

Why Can't I Quit You, F21?

I effing love Forever 21. I can't help it. I'm too old to shop there; got it. But there's just something about rifling through all the piles of cheap crap that's like black tar heroin to me. And my most favoritest (???) part of F21 are the accessories. They are cheap as hell. And I love it.

Ahhhh, I love a cluster eff of bracelets. I'm a gaudy ass bitch, yesss'm. And I got that panther/tigery little treasure the other day at F21. It was like $3 or something! Do you guys share my passion for the ol' 2-1?

P.S. I also got some other good stuff like big ass door knocker earrings. What up!

P.P.S. I'm afraid this is turning into a blog for cheap b's. Sigh. Pin It