Showing posts with label Sadness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sadness. Show all posts

Friday, December 20, 2013

Beauty For When You're Feeling Blue-y

There are two kinds of people that roam this planet of doom. Peeps that are all optimistic and sh*t, and when feeling low, go watch a Reese Witherspoon movie and just feel better about life. And then probably drink sweet tea on a sunny porch. If that describes your demeanor, this post is not for you. No, this is for the lite misery-wallowers. Those of us that, instead of reaching for a well-read copy of Chicken Soup for Your Mutha Effin' Soul, read this.

for the emo-souled only
I am in a decently-sized funk lately, you guys. This will not come as a surprise to people that know me on a personal level, because my moods typically range from Sophia from Golden Girls to Grumpy Cat with PMS. No one ever believes me when I tell them that my high school pottery teacher called me "Sunshine," because of current constant state of b*tch assness. WELL, IT'S TRUE, MOFOS. I've channeled all of nearing-middle-age angst into the beauty things that I truly appreciate most when my emo levels are breaking the emotionally-bankrupt bank.

What's the Matte-r, Baby?

I love matte nails, especially when they're dark. It's like your fingers are wearing tiny, clean chalkboards of darkness. That's a positive thing, in case you felt unsure. To achieve matte-to-death nails of whatever color, I like to use OPI's Matte Top Coat (Ulta, $9). You can use it over any ol' boring as Bran Flakes nail polish, and it gives you insta-edge of darkness. Like you might be a sexy undertaker.

Wined Out Lips

There's nothing better than a dramatic ass lip statement when you're feeling super dramatic in your brain. It evokes images of wine drinking (which I will be partaking in, well, always) and smoking a cigarette out of one of those long cigarette holder things (which I would only do in my imagination). The most theatric 'stick of the bunch is Urban Decay's Revolution Lipstick in Shame (Sephora, $22), which is a really deep berry color that gives you immediate street cred. It's moodiness in a tube.

A Thin (or Thick. or Smudged.) Black Line

I hate to break it to you, sister, but you only have two eye options during these dark and uncertain times: winged liquid liner or a smudged out lid. It's in the "I'm Moping Handbook." Not to be confused with the "I'm Mopping Handbook," which is effing boring and should be avoided at all costs. Smudgy-lined eyes and this MAKE UP FOR EVER Aqua Shadow Pencil (Sephora, $20) in matte taupe grey (4E) go together like Hot Topic and strategically ripped fishnet tights. It's not a liner, it's a chubby waterproof pencil, so it literally takes 3 seconds and .098% effort to apply. It's a match made in sadness heaven.

Okay, end of list. We can now commence with our sad and dramatic reclining on a tufted chaise lounges in rooms darkened by drawn velvet curtains of quasi-despair. With badass b*tch lipstick. But just in case you really are in need of lifted spirits, I gift you with this:

Don't you feel better after seeing KK's cry face? It's an sure fire cure to the Wintertime doldrums.

Every time Kim cries, an angel gets its wings. Happy Holidays.

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Thursday, November 29, 2012

GUUUUUURL of the Day: My New Favorite Chef

My case of the sads is almost to overpowering to even make fun of this sh*t. (I said ALMOST, b's.) I'm not going to lie, I've watched this about seven times. And I'm confused about many a thing here, mainly, why this video even exists. Do we really need a tutorial on how to mix cheese and canned chili together and microwave it? Or the least effective way to open a bag of chips? Who exactly is this gentleman, and can I get yo' number? AAAAAND who taught him how to stir stuff? AAAAAND can I be part of your small group?

I really don't even have anything to say, except that if the man even needs someone to come to his basement apartment to watch reruns of The Facts of Life, I'll meet you there. At least I know what we'll be eating. And now, I have to go...

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Saturday, February 11, 2012

Let Us All Try to Drown Our Sorrows

We all know that, sadly, we lost Whitney Houston today. It is a very sad time for all of us. We have lost a wonderfully talented, yet tragically tortured artist. So in effort to lift all of our spirits, I present to you the one thing that will forever bring a little light to my life every time that I view it.

You're welcome.

On the real, RIP Whitney. We were all rooting for you. Oh, and I see you, Bobby.

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