I Don't...Understand...This...

I found myself staring at this InStyle cover yesterday in the grocery store, unable to move. This ish has me perplexed. WHAT THE EFF IS THIS PICTURE? Sofia Vergara is one of the hottest b's in the game right now, and InStyle is using this mess on the cover? B looks cray. If someone said, "Hey, what is Latoya Jackson doing on the cover of InStyle?" I would not even question it. And then I would slap them and unfriend them on Facebook, because Toy Toy is an obvious style icon. Duh.

I mean, please. Stop. Playing. B took inspiration from Britney Spears' I'm a Slave 4 U, threw in some woodland fairy and rolled with it. Flawless.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand. It is hard to make Sofia Vergara look, ermmm, not so great and InStyle did that here. I also find it somewhat ironic that this is the 'color' issue, and ol' Sofs looks super washed out. Can a sister get a little bronzer?

What do you guys think? Am I right? Or am I the crazy brains around here? (Don't answer that.)



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So You Know You're at a Dr. Suess Movie Premiere, Right?

Well lookie here, butter beans. Zac Efron dropped a gold wrapped condom at The Lorax movie premiere. WHICH IS AN ANIMATED CHILDREN'S MOVIE. I have several thoughts on this:

1. A gold wrapper usually means it is a Magnum size. (Don't pretend you w's don't know what that    means. We're all trash here.) Yeah, no.

2. SOME PEOPLE (ahem, me) think that ol' Zacy poo *allegedly* wanted to use said condom for random hook ups with random hot men that might be attending The Zorax premiere (????).

3. SOME PEOPLE (side eye) think that the only other possibility is that Zac wanted to make balloon animals for orphans attending the movie. (Zac's PR people are feverishly typing excuse emails containing this explanation. You're welcome, b's!)

4. Last possibility: That cold hearted minxy snake Taylor Swift planted that mess in her co-stars pocket. Don't let her new bangs fool you. I see you, Swift.



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Ummm...

Radar Online is reporting that SNOOKI IS PREGNANT. SOMEONE GET MY SMELLING SALTS, I CAN'T STOP KANYE WEST-STYLE CAPS LOCKING!!! I need to go gather my thoughts.


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Light a Candle!

 *Seriously, who marries/has kids with this person?

No, this isn't about the flatlining of  Heidi Klum and Seal's marriage, which totally brings the sadness, BTW. This is SERIOUS! Former Mr. Spears level seriousity! (Yep, not a word. Don't google it.) According to TMZ (They also have a couple pics), Kevin Federline was hospitalized in Australia for signs of a heart attack. Seeing that K Fed looks like he's DEEEEP into his third trimester, this ish isn't THAT surprising. But, dang, b is only 33! Honey Boo Boo, you better get this right. Your kids by your three (!!!) babies' mamas need their diiiiddy! (Don't sue me, real Diddy.)


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In It's About Damn Time News: Kim Richards Edition

Kim Richards of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has entered rehab to get help with her problems with alcohol. I'm glad, this b seems a mess and needs to get back on track. Good luck, Kimmy (not Gibbler)! Just keep rocking that pearl choker, sweetness, and we will all be okay.

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Oh, What a Great Contempo Casuals Catalog Cover From Circa '97

Pic via E Online Twitter

What? This is Scarlet Johansson's current-day Cosmo cover? Oh, well my stars. This is...Not good. That hair is halfway to dreadlock-ville. If b doesn't take an exit to a VO5 Hot Oil Treatment stat, she is in trouble. Is there not a hair shine tool or something on Photoshop?

Maybe I'm just old (shut your w mouth), but Cosmo is the most vapid publication, ever. Every single story is about sex or love. IS THERE NOTHING ELSE? Bleh.

 But on the real, throw on a choker and I would have DIED for this dress in the late nineties. Verdict? Hot.

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Am I the Only One Calling Shenanigans On This?

Here's Ben Affleck walking with his cute little chirruns. (Yes, they make me go "Awwww," but we aren't here to discuss toddlers.) What exactly the eff is going on on this man's head? He looks like a creepy college professor on tenure that hits on all of his freshman students. I also feel like 'Fleck usually has kind of curlyish hair, no? So what is this,exactly? A wig? A Brazilian hair straightening treatment? V05 Hot Oil Treatments and a flat iron?

Or am I cray cray, and I should just be commenting on how cool Violet's specs are?


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Tell Me Your Problems!

If you guys have any questions or problems concerning beauty/fashion/makeup email me at glossanddirt@gmail.com (or even comment below), and let me help you. Help me, help you! (What was that, Jerry Maguire???) Let me be your hero, baby! (Enrique Iglesias...) Okay, I'm done. Pin It

Let's Get This Out of the Way

Lindsay Lohan on WhoSay

This. B*tch. Lilo posted this picture over the weekend accompanied by the following tweet, "Thanks Dr. Dorfman for the zoom... My gums are so sore though!" Ummmm...no. This is what her teeth looked like last week.


Let's all just quit effing playing. Slapping some freaking Crest Whitestrips on your teefs does not wash the crackiness out. Getting your teeth whitened does not make the chips go away. You got veneers, sweetness. I'm over this lying ass! Just tell the truth. Here, I'll write your press release!

"Hey, guys! Lindsay Lohan here. Guess what? I'm so excited! After peddling my ass for Playboy, I took part of that mil and got my teeth fixed. Yep, I got veneers! Don't they look better??? Thanks for your well wishes! I've got to to morgue duty; court ordered. Peace!"

See? What that so hard?

P.S. Nice bowl full o'ciggies in the background of your picture. Pin It

Kim K and Her Husband are Already Hanging it Up!

Pic via Daily Mail

TMZ is reporting that Kim Kardashian and her husband are filing for divorce after 72 days of marriage. Have you even gotten your wedding pictures back at this point? That ish is quick as hell. I didn't have THAT much hope for these two, anyway. I think any time you date/marry someone that has the same name as a family member (not to mention your MOM), crap's not going to work. That mess is creepy.

I also just wanted to post a picture of Kim's costume this year. For having a multi-bajillion dollar empire, this looks low-rent as hell. I mean, shouldn't poor-ass plebeians like us be raiding Michaels and hot gluing plastic leaves to corsets? For shame! (I originally typed "sham." I should have kept the typo. Fitting!)

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