HOPPY WEEKEND (Don't Worry, I Totally Hate Myself for That Horrendous Pun. Gross.)

                                                                     via buzzfeed

You are welcome for your new ringtone.

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Another of My Infamous MAHH-JOR Celebrity Run-Ins: 80's Fruit Edition

I had another celebrity sighting today, you guys. This one involved a comedy giant from the 80's...

That's right, people. I saw mother effin' GALLAGHER today in this b. If you are under 30, you might be all, "Whaaaaat?" So here's a little run down. My homeboy was a big prop comic (think Carrot Top without the eyeliner and ginge) that was best known for smashing watermelons with a sledgehammer. Are you LMFAO-ing yet? Anyone?

Fast forward to today. I'm working my day-to-day retail job (yes, I have one of those) and in walks Gallagher. I recognized that b immediately, but obvs said nothing to him. I'm only passive aggressively creepy as eff. But boo boo did leave a little something behind that completely confirmed my suspicions.

Yep, I photographed a stranger's used coffee cup. I have hit a new all-time low. Although the server at Bob Evans (He likes Bob Evans, you guys!!! Just like regular people.) had a tiny bit of trouble with the spelling, here is the complete confirmation that I'm a total on the street paparazzi.

I bring you ALL of the hot, breaking news. Be jealous. Sigh...

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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

pic via allure, via my phone

Yo, Trish McEvoy gave me some of her hair extension stash. BFFs??? Go read my Allure blog for this week. (She also gave me some badassery in makeup tips.)


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Breaking News -- Alexander Skarsgard is Still Super Hot

My fake boo boo, Alexi (just go with it) is in the new Aussie version of GQ Style. And gurrrrrl let me tell you, that ish is hot. Friggin' duh, right? Let's just look at the pictures, and I'll shut my dumb mouth.

Oh, hey. I don't have something in my eye. I'm just contemplating my own sexy. There's a lot to think about, y'all.

Oh, my scruff is rough and stuff. I'm such an manimal. (I don't even know what I'm saying right now.) Okay, let's all calm down. I need a little something to get my brain back to normalcy. (Shut up, it's a little normal...Sometimes.)

Nothing brings your mess of a mind back to reality like two baby bears holding paws. You're welcome.


All photos via GQ Australia (except the bears, obvs) Pin It

What's in Yo' Bag?

It's no secret that I'm a "makeup" person. B, please. Why else am I even on this planet? And, yes, I'm one of those annoying w's that wears makeup to workout, go to the beach, or use a portapotty. I mean, I used to wear fake eyelashes almost on the daily. I'm a ridiculous, ridiculous person. That being said, it should come as a surprise to NO ONE that I keep an emergency makeup kit in my purse at all times. If I happen to leave my huge makeup bag at home, I will not be caught bare faced and fugged up in this piece.

sephora, $20

For face, the easiest one step quick fix product for me is Sephora Collection Matifying Compact Foundation. You can throw this on in the car without even taking a glimpse at your mug. Ish is easy. And I also like to use it as a finishing powder on top on my liquid foundation for full coverage, and for touch ups during the day.

cvs, $3.99

I have not been shy about my love for Maybelline Expert Eyes Brow & Eye Pencil Duo in Blonde. I love these pencils for a cheap, quick eyebrow defining moment. In my big girl makeup kit, I have actually been using another brow pencil (GASP!), but these kittens will always be my down ass b's.  

P.S. I know some of you are all, "Eyebrow pencil is part of an EMERGENCY kit???" And the answer to that is, duh -- of course.

walmart, $7.84

I won't go anywhere without L'Oreal Paris Infallible Eyeliner in Carbon Black in my bag. This mess will stay all up on your face. It's totally the HBIC when it comes to drugstore eyeliners. To keep it real on my "natural gym/beach/who, me wearing makeup? face," I like to wiggle and dot it on my lash line, just to give the illusion of thicker lashes.

free sample in this b

You've GOT to have a mascara in your baby sized bag of tricks. And I love to use a free sample sized version of a sexxxy ass mascara. Plus that ish is free -- you can't beat them apples. Whether it's from your saved up points from Sephora, or a gift with purchase from a department store, make sure you use that crap and don't let it sit there and get all dried up in your big daddy makeup kit.

hsn, $36

Someone gave me this Shiseido Benefiance Full Correction Lip Treatment a while back, and I am completely obsessed with it. It works to plump and get rid of those bleh lines around your lips in some kind of way. I don't know the science, but it's the business. It's perfect for the emergency kit, because it's colorless, but gives a nice shine to your pucker.

Those are all of my purse angels that must stay near me at all times. Do you guys keep an emergency makeup kit on your person? Am I a crazy ass weirdo? (Don't answer that.)

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Someone Get Brenda on The Phone...

And the phone better look like this or I'm going to be pissed.

The New York Post is reporting that Kelly Taylor and Dylan McKay (or Jennie Garth and Luke Perry if you're boring) are dating EACH OTHER. Oh, hell naw. I know that Shannen Doherty is married, (Yes, it's important to stay up to date on IMPORTANT celebrity relationship statuses. And Education Connection commercials still qualify a person as a celebrity.) but she needs to drop her dude so she can get up on this. KELLY TAYLOR CANNOT WIN.

pic via ny post

P.S. Their respective reps claim that the two are just "close friends." Ummm hmmm. That means their no no's have seen each other. B, please. These two are practically bumping and grinding to Next's Too Close in the picture above.



Pshhhaw, I say to you. Pshhhaw. And on a completely unrelated note, I just ordered this shirt:

What? A capped sleeve baseball style screen printed baby tee is totally in for fall '12. I don't dictate the trends, people.



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I Like to Get My Ass Handed to Me.

Ever since I was about 18, I have consistently done some kind of workout program. Whether it was lifting weights, running, yoga, Zumba, or some combination of random ish I've made up, I'm always doing something. But I first tried this specific workout probably three years ago, and I was hooked from the get go.

Bar Method booties rocking everywhere. Pic via bar method.

 It's called The Bar Method, and instead of trying to figure out how to use my words like a professional, I'll let the website speak for me:

the bar method — integrates the fat burning format of interval training, the muscle shaping technique of isometrics, the elongating principles of dance conditioning, and the science of physical therapy to create a revolutionary new workout that quickly and safely reshapes your entire body.

For me, it's like a combination of ballet-like moves and pilates that makes my friggin' legs shake uncontrollably (don't be a pervert) and wonder if I'll be able to drive home afterward. I started by using the DVDs a few years ago, and then when I moved to a larger town last year, I found that classes were held near me, and I was totally sold. This ish is the ish. But don't just believe my ass.

Celebrity fans of The Bar Method include: Ginnifer Goodwin, Drew Barrymore, Anna Paquin, Kelly Osborne, Kristen Bell, Dita Von Teese and a ton more. And if that's not enough to convince you this mess is the business, check out the founder, Burr Leonard, who is damn 65 years old:

That ish is freakin' ridiculous. If you want to try and get on Burr's level, you can get one of the DVDs for $20. I like having a badass 65 year old woman kick my ass.



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