I Like to Get My Ass Handed to Me.

Ever since I was about 18, I have consistently done some kind of workout program. Whether it was lifting weights, running, yoga, Zumba, or some combination of random ish I've made up, I'm always doing something. But I first tried this specific workout probably three years ago, and I was hooked from the get go.

Bar Method booties rocking everywhere. Pic via bar method.

 It's called The Bar Method, and instead of trying to figure out how to use my words like a professional, I'll let the website speak for me:

the bar method — integrates the fat burning format of interval training, the muscle shaping technique of isometrics, the elongating principles of dance conditioning, and the science of physical therapy to create a revolutionary new workout that quickly and safely reshapes your entire body.

For me, it's like a combination of ballet-like moves and pilates that makes my friggin' legs shake uncontrollably (don't be a pervert) and wonder if I'll be able to drive home afterward. I started by using the DVDs a few years ago, and then when I moved to a larger town last year, I found that classes were held near me, and I was totally sold. This ish is the ish. But don't just believe my ass.

Celebrity fans of The Bar Method include: Ginnifer Goodwin, Drew Barrymore, Anna Paquin, Kelly Osborne, Kristen Bell, Dita Von Teese and a ton more. And if that's not enough to convince you this mess is the business, check out the founder, Burr Leonard, who is damn 65 years old:

That ish is freakin' ridiculous. If you want to try and get on Burr's level, you can get one of the DVDs for $20. I like having a badass 65 year old woman kick my ass.



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Ballerina Beauty: Vicariously Living My Dreams Through Pink Products

Confession time: I'm kind of obsessed with ballerinas. Okay, that sounds super creepy. I'm not going to Black Swan anybody or anything, no need for restraining orders. I did ballet (and then pointe) for something like 12 years.

My first, albeit chubby, ballet recital picture.

In my dreams, I would be a prima ballerina. But here's the thing -- I'm barely five feet tall. That ish ain't happening. Ever. So I quit when I was in my teens, and became the lazy b that I am today.

So now I obsessively watch ballet TV shows whenever they are on, including the new ones: Breaking Pointe and the upcoming Bunheads. And I live my "mess with never happen" dreams through ballet-like beauty products, like any weird, passive aggressive person would.

Tarte Amazionian Clay in Amused, $25

I have had the Tarte Amazonian Clay blush in a couple of shades for several months, and I totally love them. They last forever on your skin, and the colors are really pretty. This super pinky color, Amused, just reminds me of ballet. (Is that weird?)

LAQA & Co. Fat Lip Pencil in Lambchop, $20.95

The good peeps at LAQA & Co. sent me this fat lip pencil to try, and it is pretty freakin' fabulous. It's easy to use, the packaging is gorge, and the color Lambchop is bright and beautiful. And ridic pink. Which are all pluses in my book. And did I say it's pink? Get it? Ballet?

OPI in Otherwise Engaged, about $8.50

This OPI polish has been my go-to pinky nude for years and years. It doesn't look streaky, like a lot of nudie (ha ha, nudie) shades tend to do. And it's pretty much the exact shade of ballet tights. (Am I getting creepy now?)

Tube sock...Preferably clean.

Yep, that's a tube sock up there. The most ballerina-y thing is a bun, obvs. And the easiest way to get a sexy ass ballet style bun is with a tube sock. See how to get the goods in my top knot tutorial below.



Sorry if this post reeked of unfulfilled dreams and childhood tears. I'm going to go slather pink stuff all over myself and hang upside down from some crazy contraption to try in attempts to make myself taller. BRB.




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