To Do Or Not To Do: Matthew McConaughey's Latest Not Hot Character

It looks like Matthew McConaughey has traded in his six-pack abs for an actual six-pack http://t.co/RgpooTGnZW pic.twitter.com/xDdEKFlStz

— Page Six (@PageSix) October 5, 2015

Real talk: would you do this man?

Here we find Matthew McConaughey, filming some movie called Gold, and looking like a sexually confusing hot mess. According to Wikipedia, the movie is about "an unlucky man Kenny Wells (Matthew McConaughey), who teams-up with a geologist Michael Acosta (Édgar Ramírez) to find gold deep in the uncharted jungles of Indonesia."

I guess if you don't want to be unlucky in life, one should avoid cockatoo-themed novelty ties? 

But back to the task at hand -- would you? You know that under those ill-fitting pleated slacks lies actual Matthew McConaughey in all his weird glory, but that tongue is very...there.

I'm going to have to pass.

 
Instead, I choose to partake in this puppy's puppy talk.

Sorry, MM, you will never be this cute.




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(Possible) GUUUUUURL Of The Day: Jamie Dornan's Facial Hair Situation

MET JAMIE DORNAN

A photo posted by Mehra Amiri (@mehraelle) on Apr 25, 2015 at 5:58am PDT

Hey, remember when I actually did shit like GUUUUUURL Of The Day on the regular? I barely do, too. Sorry for being an XXL POS. I'll send you an Edible Arrangement. (No, I won't, and you know it.)

I had to bring this mess back because we really need to talk about the sexual being that is Jamie Dornan and the possibly non-sexual accoutrement that's happening on his face. Maybe we should have a look from a different angle? Maybe that will somehow switch it from patchy and mustache-y to grown and sexy?

"Mr. Grey will see you now" Jamie Dornan is a sweetie 💙 xx

A photo posted by Tequin Greaver (@tequingreaver_) on Apr 25, 2015 at 6:02am PDT

Erm, okay. Listen, I'll take JD any ol' way (except as Christian Grey -- ick, nast), but this is making me feel nothing in my bathing suit area. Nothing.

Let's discuss. Am I going through a metamorphosis that's rendering me a dried-up prude? Or is this just decidedly in the "not cute" column? Help.

via buzzfeed




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I Report, You Decide: Is Robert Pattinson A Dark-Haired Beauty?

pic via us weekly

I've never really been a part of that whole oh-my-god-r-patts-is-so-hot-vampires-vampires-vampires bandwagon. I'm more of the he's-okay-and-stuff camp. I kind of thought that his name was Robert Patterson for, like, three years. B*tches be gettin' old, man.

But here's Patty cakes on the set of some movie (I can't be bothered) with some fresh dark hairs, and I'm not really sure how I feel about him all of a sudden.

He's kind of giving me a darker, hotter vibe, but maybe I'm just falling for the douche smug he's got wiped all over his face in this picture. My ovaries can occasionally get temporarily bewitched due to smugness, so I can't really be sure.

Help me figure it out. Is Robbie looking hot, or am I being straight up delusional right now?

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Quick Sh*t: Alexander Skarsgard Gets Sexy On a Snow Toilet

via instagram

Sexy ass Skarsgard is in the North Pole, and he's fake pooping on a toilet. I don't know the what/why's about this picture, and I really don't give an eff. Let's just enjoy this moment.

Wait. He's on a toilet, is this even hot? I'm going to go with yes, yes, it is.




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I Report, You Decide: Topless Usher Edition (With an Assist From #StarbucksDrakeHands)

I don't know how I feel about these new pictures of Usher from Men's Health, you guys. On one hand, Usher is quite an attractive guy.

On the other hand, I've always gotten a Papa Smurf facial vibe from him.

I also wasn't picking up what the MH article was putting down when they claimed that dude is 5'10". I've always felt 5'8" MAX tallness from Usher. So, you tell me, is this hot? My indecisive ass can't decide.

But you know who I wouldn't do? Starbucks Drake Hands, who did a (non)riveting interview with the illustrious Inside Edition.


via the frisky

I do not believe you, kind sir. That video WAS NOT made in jest. You were as serious as the fact that you need to 86 haircut, my man. I know that you are in mourning for your sex life, because you are never getting laid again by anyone with an internet connection or 3G service.

HAHA, b*tch!




all pics via mens health

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BREAKING NEWS: Hot B's Look Hot.

Hey mofos, sorry I've been sh*ttier than reg lately, but I've been busy and crap. I know, I know. Having a job and stuff is such a c-block for sh*t talking. While I've been gone, people have been looking real, real foiiine.

via brit brit's twitter

Look at my homegirl, looking all good for her new music video. DON'T YOU DARE SAY OTHERWISE, BECAUSE I LOVE HER ASS FOREVER EVER.

I haven't seen Mila Kunis in what feel like forever (except tragically wearing jean capri pants and sneakers), but don't worry,she's still hot.

via huffpo

 I know, shocking. What a b.

Also looking annoyingly hot is ol' Scarlett Johansson.

via huffpo

B*tch is straight glowing, maybe because she just got engaged and she's getting that straight good good.

Or she has a good skin care regimen. I don't don't her life like that.

via daily mail

And finally, in the old(er) school male model category, Tyson Beckford was traipsing around topless as hell in NYC the other day. My ass does not mind. DUDE IS 42, YOU GUYS. Work that sh*t.

Stay tuned tomorrow, because I have a super serious Bieber issue that all of our eyeballs need to deal with.




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Who Wore Nakey(ish) Best? Celebrity(ish) Chippendale Dudes.

I'm sure you guys have read in my What 90210 Stars Are Doing in 2013 and Beyond newsletter that Steve Sanders (or Ian Ziering, if you're nasty) is doing that whole celebrity guest star Chippendales thing this month.

pic via ny daily news

Can we just take a minute to recognize that S.S. is FORTY EFFING NINE years old? Homeboy is looking real, real nice. I'm not super sold on Stevie's wig game, but I never really have been.

I mean, really.

Seeing Eye-an's Chippie pics made me want to reflect on all of the past (loosely-termed) celebrity guest dancers, and put them ween to ween to see who is the hottest of them all. Let us study the evidence.

First up, Jeremy Jackson, of David Hasselhoff's son on Baywatch fame. (Or of meth/Celebrity Rehab fame, if you're a b*tch, like me.)

Okay, well this is...okay. The little bit that is the "costume" is somewhat wonky and ill-fitting, but I'm grateful that THIS Jeremy Jackson isn't being showcased.

what in avril lavigne fan club president hell is this sh*t?

Or, this one, for that matter.

Well, I just went to prison. Let's move on.

How about the Bachelor's Jake Pavelka?

How about not? Let's skip this one. Close your legs, Pavelka. It's quite unbecoming.

Alright, alright, alright, alright. Now ladies, how about that dude from 98 Degrees? Not one of the Lacheys, not that ONE dude. This guy:

...And his child...also in a child-sized Chippendale outfit...I can't even with this. Fast forward.

There's also Sir Ronald of the house of Jersey Shore.

This looks about as bling-y as expected. Plus, he's doing half-assed finger guns. So, half a point?

What about the father of "Whoa," himself, Joey (Joe? Joseph? I'm not up on the news.) Lawrence?

He looks good, but you know I'm super concerned about that eyebrow sitch. You're waaaay into code orange brow territory, broseph. You're single-handedly keeping waxing places open.

What do you b's think? Who wore the bow tie and weird shirt cuffs best?

If you don't love everything about this, namely Swayze's hair and pant's waist level, then I don't love you.






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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Bradley Cooper Sporting What I Can Only Hope is a Precursor to a Tight, TIGHT Ass Perm

via huffpo

Brad Coo is making some crazy ass movie where he apparently works at a slutty Army Surplus store that does illegal perms on the side. Or not -- I don't know what the hell this is all about, but if tight spiral perms are involved, sign my ass up. I've been looking for a hot as eff hairstyle from a movie, because I haven't really felt one since that dick Darryl Soul Glo-ed it up in Coming to America.

I know, I know. Dude straight up ripped off Lionel Richie's "Hello" hair, but it was a hot look. So whatever the eff Bradley's movie is about, that hair better be looking right. If not, he has to do this, like, ALL THE TIME.



Don't even play like you aren't into this right now. Stop it.


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Should I be Turned On, or Weirded Out Right Now?

via ohnotheydidn't

Mario Lopez's wife tweeted this picture are few days ago, and it's making me feel all kinds of confused. Even the Windex bottle feels awkward, and had to turn away. On one hand, it's Mario Lopez, and he's pretty hot. And it's a picture of dude ass. On the other hand, homeboy's decorating a Christmas tree with a toddler. It all feels borderline illegal in my bathing suit area.

Ugh. That's curly mullet gets me every time.



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