Because the oil times are high, you might find yourself caught completely sans blotting papers while shining bright like an oily ass diamond. If you happen to catch yourself in these dire straits, don't stress. I have compiled a list of the top five household blotting devices that you can use in any slick pinch.
#5: Paper towels
Pro: It (kind of) absorbs the gross shit.
Con: It (kind of) tries to rip your friggin' skin from your skull slightly.
This is not your best option, but it's better than using either sandpaper or butter. Or buttery sandpaper.
#4: Copy paper
Pro: It's surprisingly smooth on the mug skin, considering that you're basically blotting with a used TPS Report.
Con: The actual blotting power is pretty, pretty low.
This will rid you of the very worst parts of your shine, but don't get your hopes up too high for matte skin. They'll be Stacey Dash-ed.
Pro: Medium to strong oil-be-gone force.
Con: Medium to strong makeup-be-gone force.
If you're searching for the most solidly "meh" result, this is your guy.
This will rid you of the very worst parts of your shine, but don't get your hopes up too high for matte skin. They'll be Stacey Dash-ed.
#3: Toilet paper
Pro: Medium to strong oil-be-gone force.
Con: Medium to strong makeup-be-gone force.
If you're searching for the most solidly "meh" result, this is your guy.
#2: Receipts
Pro: The blotting is so, so good.
Con: It's probably making you die, or something.
THIS IS SO GOOD AND SO BAD. Everything is so scary all the time. I need a fluffy teddy bear to hold.
#1: Disposable Toilet Seat Covers
Pro: The oil-absorption is right up there with those damn BPA-laden receipts.
Con: It comes from a public bathroom, where strangers do pee pee and poo poo times.
Do you like to live life like you're Devon Sawa in Final Destination? Are you kind of a Josie Grossie? Do you and blot away.
Did I forget any free blotters? Are you using Gam Gam's pantyhose? Why am I asking so many questions today? Why is the sky blue?
