Why Do I Feel Funny?

With the recent leak of the cover, I have been feverishly thinking (Not that way, sick brains!) about Lindsay Lohan's soon to be released Playboy issue. I mean, there is a lot of potential for awkwardness. It had to be re-shot, so what kind of crap was produced in the first go-round? Was this pre or post fixing the meth teeth? I can't remember, and I'm too freaking lazy to google it. Am I on meth?

Anyway, all of this got me thinking about celebrities posing for Playboy or simply being on the cover. There have been a lot. Some good, some bad, some that are just...awkward. So here's my list of the top five most awkward celebrity Playboy cover models and/or pictorials.

Honorable (or horrible) Mention: Shannen Doherty in German (???) Playboy

What in the hell IS this? Nobody does this to Brenda Walsh's face! This mess looks like it was painted by a blind monk that worked as Kelly Taylor dictated. Hell to the naw! (Copyright: Whitney Houston)

# 5 Teri Polo

I personally enjoy my Teri Polo starring alongside the likes of Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro in family friendly-ish films, not attempting to mouth love a strawberry and showing me her hootenanny. No ma'am.

# 4 Carnie Wilson, Tiffany, and Debbie Gibson (TIE!)

I can declare a tie! Shut your mouth. Don't get me wrong, they all looked great for their a-hem "spreads" (I'm sorry, gross.), but this is how I like and picture my Carnie, Tiffany, and Debbie (I'm not calling you Debrah) Gibson.

Now THIS is glamor, okay Carnie? Tell me you can tear your eyes away from those earrings. I dare you!

Can't you just SMELL the Electric Youth perfume wafting from this photo? And that hat? It beats boobs any day, any time.

 

Speaking of hats, can you even with this? Because I sure as hell can! This picture is what happens when a festive Christmas wreath marries a door knocker and births a ginger angel.

# 3 Latoya Jackson

We all know that Toy Toy is the cray cray of the Jackson clan (which is really saying something), but on the real I can't even mess with this cover. Between the studded jacket, those nails, and the glitter star earring that's bigger than her face, I can't even hate on this magical carpet ride.

# 2 Donald Trump

Why? And...No.

# 1 Candice Bergen

This is like finding a video of your parents doing it. Just a whole big ol' bag of no. What would Murphy Brown say about this? I would rather see Miles and the painter/handyman/whatever that dude did in a warm embrace than this. (I want to see that anyway.)

At least she didn't get nakey. That's something her shoulder pads could never unsee. Pin It

Ma'am, Your Boob Is Staring at Me...Angrily.

Photo via Huffington Post

Let's all just drink in this Sour Sally. This is the wife of one of the dudes that created Angry Birds, angrily donning an Angry Bird-themed dress. Why so glum, chum? Maybe she's just getting into character? Or maybe she's pissed that she kind of looks like she was wearing a normal red satin dress, and on the way in she somehow had a crazy, wacky mishap that ripped the bodice of her dress. She happened upon a display of  Angry Bird kites in the lobby of this party (which is probs for some kind of A.B. ish), and she resourcefully patched up her dress with said kite! I bet that's it. I'm sure this b didn't pay 8 bajillion dollars for this mess. (Slash, she totally did.) Sigh.

This post brought to you by Angry Birds.

(No, it's totally not. It's brought to you by me, an unemployed, bored person, but that would be cool.)

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Oh, Get My "Notebook!"

Click picture to enlarge

See what I did there? Because it's Rachel McAdams...Anyway, b looked major AND sexual last night at the Sherlock Holmes blah blah in London last night. This silvery Marchesa is freaking ah-mama-mazing, right? Now lets say you and ol' Ry Ry get back together and make America happy!
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Now This B is Just Effing With Us.

Pic via Radar Online

You guys, try to hold back your jealousy. Just because the overly-aged alien that we call Hot Stoddy wore a prom dress to the mall yesterday, and you did not, is no reason to be mean to her! Although it does make sense. B got married to a dude the age of her Gramp Gramp before she was old enough to go to prom!  It's an "A-ha!" moment for us all.

P.S. In what world does that purse even come CLOSE to going with that dress? Oh yeah, in C Stodd's alien homeland.

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In It's About Damn Time News: Kim Richards Edition

Kim Richards of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has entered rehab to get help with her problems with alcohol. I'm glad, this b seems a mess and needs to get back on track. Good luck, Kimmy (not Gibbler)! Just keep rocking that pearl choker, sweetness, and we will all be okay.

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I Need to Talk About Gretchen Mol for a Minute. (On a Serious Note.)

This is a still from last night's Boardwalk Empire, which if you haven't watched yet, stop reading this and go watch the episode immediately! If you have watched, you know that this photo alludes to an unbelievable scene and character revelation on BE. Gretchen Mol plays Gillian Darmondy (Jimmy's mom) on the show, and I have to say that she does a horrifically fantastic job.

In the late 90's, Vanity Fair slated Gretchen Mol to be Hollywood's next "It" girl. And then...Not much happened. I have always liked Gretchen, and have always wondered why more didn't happen with her career, especially in her heyday. She is/was beautiful, and I think, very talented. So what's the problem?

I think that her 2005 portrayal of Bettie Page was pretty fabulous, but Gretchen has had a somewhat spotty and unremarkable career, before and after the Biopic. So it leaves me to wonder, what happened? There have been all of those sordid rumors about how she obtains her (few) roles, and how she has been blacklisted by many.

I don't know the truth to any of this, and who the hell knows what goes on in Hollywood behind closed doors. All that I know is that I think that her character in Boardwalk Empire as the cold, desperately sad mother/showgirl is played almost flawlessly. I hope that she can keep the momentum going, even though she is in the downturn of her career by Hollywood standards.

What do you guys think? Do you love Gretchen Mol on Boardwalk Empire as much as I do?

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Am I Crazy? Don't Answer That.

Pic via Huffington Post

 Kitty Puurrrry showed off this shorter, blonde/pink hair style while doing something or other with her husband last night. Am I insane? Because I like Katy Perry's hair like this. Am I severely dehydrated or something? Or do you b's think that this mess is cute?

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