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Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Um, J Love?
Listen, you vagazzling cray cray. Just because Kim Kardashian's face doesn't even resemble Kim Kardashian anymore, doesn't mean we need a replacement. We're good. In fact, we're over capacity. But please make more prostitute/masseuse Lifetime movies. Those are awesome. Thanks, b!
Sincerely,
America
P.S. Take that dress off. It's not 2009. Pin It
And You Are? Leighton Meester Edition
Blair Waldorf would never co-host some high falutin' (Darn tootin' I said that.) party with period face. Pin It
Yes! I Love Cheap Androgyny!
Right on the heels of their major collabo with Versace, H&M announced today that they are doing a line inspired by Lisbeth Salander, the main character of the hot book/movie "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." (P.S. If you haven't read that ish yet, what are you waiting for? It's great. Just skim all of the uber-Swedish names and stuff.) Picture dark, bad ass, leather, hoods and stuff. I personally can't wait. This looks hot as hell. And if the H&M doesn't open soon near me (There has been an "Opening Soon" sign nonsense up forever), I might have to shank a b*tch. I bet Lisbeth would totally endorse that action.
What about you guys? Are you into it? Pin It
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
I Think Your Due Date is Tomorrow, or Something.
Listen, I don't know nothin' about birthing babies (Credit: Prissy in Gone With the Wind. P.S. That ish is ridic racist.), but b*tch, you are pregnant as hell. Don't believe me? Go look at all of these pictures on Splash News Online. Ol' J Simp's spanx are hanging on for dear life and SCREEEEAAA-MING.
Point #2, I'm not Lizzie Grubman (Remember that b?!?) or anything, but if you're trying to get 500k for your pregnancy announcement, don't wear the tightest sh*t you own and traipse about New York. Damn Chicken of the Sea, didn't your Daddy teach you better than that? Or are you doing this to one up your ex-dude's wife? If that's the case, play on, playa. Pin It
Duh, Who Doesn't Love a Pizza Party?!? Super NSFW
This would have totally been my jam for sleepovers in third grade, if it wasn't for the whole n-word, f-bombs, and the constant cunnilingus/fellatio referencing thing. Pin It
Monday, October 24, 2011
A Halloween Hahahahah Moment
C Stodd and her gross husband, who here is dressed as an out of work 90's boy band-er who now works under the table for a moving company, were kicked out of a pumpkin patch after people complained about these two hoeing it up. (That was the longest run-on sentence ever, but you get the point.) These two rascals! With their fake sex ish! Hop over to the Daily Mail and see more of this hot ham sandwich situation. But seriously, you are at a PUMPKIN PATCH. I hope the spirit of the Great Pumpkin comes for these crazies. (No, I don't. I love them.) This. B*tch.
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