WTF, Stacy Ferguson?

Pic via Huffington Post

Fergie showed up to something called "The Night of Firsts" ( I effing hope so!) wearing this hot mess. #1 You can't zip it. #2 You're wearing a Felix the Cat dress. #3 You look uncomfortable as hell, like a b that can't zip her dress up. Oh, wait...

This is the only way that Felix the Cat should be making appearances.

And when's the last time you saw one of those? Probably when you looked like this.

You and J Love should have showed up like this last night. That would have been the realness.

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Is This Douchey? I Feel Douchey.

Jacket: Target, a million years ago

Shirt: Thrift store, Juicy Couture

Leggings: Brittney, similar here

Socks: Target

Boots: Old Navy, buy here

Necklace: Forever 21, similar (and kind of cooler) here

So I had a few (real and not imaginary) people ask me to do blog posts with my Outfit of the Day. Like, what I wore that day and whatnot. I know a lot of bloggers do this, and a lot of them are really great. But, I feel like who the eff am I that you would give half a crap about what I wore? So here is my first (and possibly last) OOTD post.

Are you guys into this at all? If so, tell me if you want me to do this fairly regularly. I will take silence as an answer of you think that I'm a douche.

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Why Do I Feel Funny?

With the recent leak of the cover, I have been feverishly thinking (Not that way, sick brains!) about Lindsay Lohan's soon to be released Playboy issue. I mean, there is a lot of potential for awkwardness. It had to be re-shot, so what kind of crap was produced in the first go-round? Was this pre or post fixing the meth teeth? I can't remember, and I'm too freaking lazy to google it. Am I on meth?

Anyway, all of this got me thinking about celebrities posing for Playboy or simply being on the cover. There have been a lot. Some good, some bad, some that are just...awkward. So here's my list of the top five most awkward celebrity Playboy cover models and/or pictorials.

Honorable (or horrible) Mention: Shannen Doherty in German (???) Playboy

What in the hell IS this? Nobody does this to Brenda Walsh's face! This mess looks like it was painted by a blind monk that worked as Kelly Taylor dictated. Hell to the naw! (Copyright: Whitney Houston)

# 5 Teri Polo

I personally enjoy my Teri Polo starring alongside the likes of Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro in family friendly-ish films, not attempting to mouth love a strawberry and showing me her hootenanny. No ma'am.

# 4 Carnie Wilson, Tiffany, and Debbie Gibson (TIE!)

I can declare a tie! Shut your mouth. Don't get me wrong, they all looked great for their a-hem "spreads" (I'm sorry, gross.), but this is how I like and picture my Carnie, Tiffany, and Debbie (I'm not calling you Debrah) Gibson.

Now THIS is glamor, okay Carnie? Tell me you can tear your eyes away from those earrings. I dare you!

Can't you just SMELL the Electric Youth perfume wafting from this photo? And that hat? It beats boobs any day, any time.

 

Speaking of hats, can you even with this? Because I sure as hell can! This picture is what happens when a festive Christmas wreath marries a door knocker and births a ginger angel.

# 3 Latoya Jackson

We all know that Toy Toy is the cray cray of the Jackson clan (which is really saying something), but on the real I can't even mess with this cover. Between the studded jacket, those nails, and the glitter star earring that's bigger than her face, I can't even hate on this magical carpet ride.

# 2 Donald Trump

Why? And...No.

# 1 Candice Bergen

This is like finding a video of your parents doing it. Just a whole big ol' bag of no. What would Murphy Brown say about this? I would rather see Miles and the painter/handyman/whatever that dude did in a warm embrace than this. (I want to see that anyway.)

At least she didn't get nakey. That's something her shoulder pads could never unsee. Pin It

Ma'am, Your Boob Is Staring at Me...Angrily.

Photo via Huffington Post

Let's all just drink in this Sour Sally. This is the wife of one of the dudes that created Angry Birds, angrily donning an Angry Bird-themed dress. Why so glum, chum? Maybe she's just getting into character? Or maybe she's pissed that she kind of looks like she was wearing a normal red satin dress, and on the way in she somehow had a crazy, wacky mishap that ripped the bodice of her dress. She happened upon a display of  Angry Bird kites in the lobby of this party (which is probs for some kind of A.B. ish), and she resourcefully patched up her dress with said kite! I bet that's it. I'm sure this b didn't pay 8 bajillion dollars for this mess. (Slash, she totally did.) Sigh.

This post brought to you by Angry Birds.

(No, it's totally not. It's brought to you by me, an unemployed, bored person, but that would be cool.)

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Oh, Get My "Notebook!"

Click picture to enlarge

See what I did there? Because it's Rachel McAdams...Anyway, b looked major AND sexual last night at the Sherlock Holmes blah blah in London last night. This silvery Marchesa is freaking ah-mama-mazing, right? Now lets say you and ol' Ry Ry get back together and make America happy!
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Now This B is Just Effing With Us.

Pic via Radar Online

You guys, try to hold back your jealousy. Just because the overly-aged alien that we call Hot Stoddy wore a prom dress to the mall yesterday, and you did not, is no reason to be mean to her! Although it does make sense. B got married to a dude the age of her Gramp Gramp before she was old enough to go to prom!  It's an "A-ha!" moment for us all.

P.S. In what world does that purse even come CLOSE to going with that dress? Oh yeah, in C Stodd's alien homeland.

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In It's About Damn Time News: Kim Richards Edition

Kim Richards of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has entered rehab to get help with her problems with alcohol. I'm glad, this b seems a mess and needs to get back on track. Good luck, Kimmy (not Gibbler)! Just keep rocking that pearl choker, sweetness, and we will all be okay.

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