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Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Allure Insiders Get The Look: Game Of Thrones Khaleesi
Did you watch Game of Thrones the other night? Were you all, "the eff is going on?" or was it just me? There are so many damn characters on that show that I sometimes can't keep up.
One character I can keep up with is that gorgeous-ass Khaleesi. So, of course, I had to do a GoT hair and makeup tutorial inspired by her. Because I want to ride around on dragons. Or something.
Watch if you're so inclined. You know how I do.
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Monday, April 13, 2015
Sharpen Your Pitchforks, Here's My Beauty Confession: I Hate Contouring
This might piss you off, but I've held this in my mind prison long enough: I hate contouring.
Okay, maybe hate is a bit strong. But I'm extremely fed-up with it in encroaching on everyday life. And like most things in life, I blame Kim Kardashian for this entire thing.
Here she is, the Kontouring Kween, perfectly demonstrating one of my major issues with contouring your face -- it looks pretty shitty most of the time, when you're just walking around in your life buying Diet Cokes, or whatever. Because our faces are made of human skin, featuring boring stuff like oils and pores and other organ-y things. And when you aren't on a stage, or in a photoshoot, contouring usually looks one of three ways: like you didn't even do it, like it's screaming, "HEY, I CONTOURED MUH FACE," or like you just have dirt on your face. Pick your poison.
Why am I even talking (typing?) about this right now? Well, I have tried to wait for the contouring madness to die down, and just go about my life, but a ton of people that I love and care about are continually being affected by contouring. You might think I'm being hyperbolic right now, but here's a taste of contouring issues, just from the past month or so.
This first text is from someone that actually had contouring done by the man who is responsible for Kim K's contour. So, the utmost expert in their field.
Okay, so how about someone that tried it on themselves, just for something fun on a special occasion? Here's a text from another friend.
Hmmm, not great. Then I also get a lot of the following, where people are just like, "What the eff is even going on?!?"
Listen, you know me. I'm an NOT an anti-ass-load of makeup propagandist. I am firmly pro-ass-loads of makeup, in fact. There's just a time and place for concealing the actual shape of your facial features, and picking up a couple of delicious Blizzards from DQ is not necessarily it. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR JAW/NOSE/CHEEK/FOREHEAD SHAPE, WORLD. But if you find yourself on stage as a Dolly Parton impersonator, contour away. Also, give me your number. I want to know you.
There are ways to look more rested, vibrant and like your face was gently swatted awake with a unicorn's treasure-filled tail beyond contouring, and they don't take a master's degree in blending to achieve. One of the best is Trish McEvoy's "triangle of light" method, which you can read about here. And all you need is a concealer that you probably already own.
If you want to add a little more glowy shit to your face, might I suggest bronzer? Just put it on the places where the sun would naturally hit: forehead, cheeks, a dab on the nose and chin. If you want to get fancy-ish, do the ol' three shape bronzer trick. That's it.
At the end of the day, you know I want you to do whatever the hell it is that makes you happy. But don't feel like you have to contour your face into an alien; you don't. It's not going to make you feel happier or extra famous. Just more makeup-y. Now, I'll get off my effing high horse and get back to posting constant gifs.
Thanks, Brit. We needed that.
You can send your hate emails to idontcare@blahwhateverblah.com.
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Okay, maybe hate is a bit strong. But I'm extremely fed-up with it in encroaching on everyday life. And like most things in life, I blame Kim Kardashian for this entire thing.
Avoid a makeup fail like @KimKardashian with a little help from our #contouring tutorial video http://t.co/FDqQx8G3TY pic.twitter.com/SA6HYF9xDb
— InStyle UK (@instyle_UK) March 9, 2015
1. @KimKardashian who did your nose contour , it's ghastly
2. This is Deffo s lace wig lpl pic.twitter.com/3nGeZ6PaaY
— fleekyfaith (@Faith_Kadirah) March 9, 2015
Here she is, the Kontouring Kween, perfectly demonstrating one of my major issues with contouring your face -- it looks pretty shitty most of the time, when you're just walking around in your life buying Diet Cokes, or whatever. Because our faces are made of human skin, featuring boring stuff like oils and pores and other organ-y things. And when you aren't on a stage, or in a photoshoot, contouring usually looks one of three ways: like you didn't even do it, like it's screaming, "HEY, I CONTOURED MUH FACE," or like you just have dirt on your face. Pick your poison.
Why am I even talking (typing?) about this right now? Well, I have tried to wait for the contouring madness to die down, and just go about my life, but a ton of people that I love and care about are continually being affected by contouring. You might think I'm being hyperbolic right now, but here's a taste of contouring issues, just from the past month or so.
This first text is from someone that actually had contouring done by the man who is responsible for Kim K's contour. So, the utmost expert in their field.
Okay, so how about someone that tried it on themselves, just for something fun on a special occasion? Here's a text from another friend.
Hmmm, not great. Then I also get a lot of the following, where people are just like, "What the eff is even going on?!?"
Listen, you know me. I'm an NOT an anti-ass-load of makeup propagandist. I am firmly pro-ass-loads of makeup, in fact. There's just a time and place for concealing the actual shape of your facial features, and picking up a couple of delicious Blizzards from DQ is not necessarily it. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR JAW/NOSE/CHEEK/FOREHEAD SHAPE, WORLD. But if you find yourself on stage as a Dolly Parton impersonator, contour away. Also, give me your number. I want to know you.
There are ways to look more rested, vibrant and like your face was gently swatted awake with a unicorn's treasure-filled tail beyond contouring, and they don't take a master's degree in blending to achieve. One of the best is Trish McEvoy's "triangle of light" method, which you can read about here. And all you need is a concealer that you probably already own.
If you want to add a little more glowy shit to your face, might I suggest bronzer? Just put it on the places where the sun would naturally hit: forehead, cheeks, a dab on the nose and chin. If you want to get fancy-ish, do the ol' three shape bronzer trick. That's it.
At the end of the day, you know I want you to do whatever the hell it is that makes you happy. But don't feel like you have to contour your face into an alien; you don't. It's not going to make you feel happier or extra famous. Just more makeup-y. Now, I'll get off my effing high horse and get back to posting constant gifs.
Thanks, Brit. We needed that.
You can send your hate emails to idontcare@blahwhateverblah.com.
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Sunday, April 5, 2015
The Could-Have-Been-A-Snapchat Video Of The Day: Let's Do Fitness
This is what I did today. Watch if you're so inclined. If not, I totally understand. My life is bullshit.
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Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Allure Insiders Outrageous Beauty: Eyelash Extensions
If you have ever wondered what it's like to have eyelash extensions, but aren't really sure if they're for you or not, I've got your back. Watch my latest Allure Insiders video to see everything from the application to how to live your live with those eyeball wings.
Flutter on, baby.
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Wednesday, March 25, 2015
BREAKING NEWS: Britney Wears A Crop Top, Looks Like An Angel
She wouldn't be @britneyspears if she didn't wear a crop top to her son's soccer game. http://t.co/NwatMeDGUi pic.twitter.com/r9JBzSJaoB
— Yahoo Celebrity (@YahooCelebrity) March 16, 2015
Okay, so "breaking news" might be a bit of a stretch. This was a week ago, but have you met me? I'm the worst and also roughly 0.002% timely. But maybe you find it charming? (Insert that closed-eyed emoji thing. What is that thing supposed to rep, shame? It's what my dog does when she's embarrassed as f about pooping in the house, then just keeps pooping in the house, so I'll go with shame.)
Anyway, here's Britney Spears, warming all of our disgusting hearts with the warm sunshine of her awkwardly-cuffed jeans. If you don't love this woman after seeing her traipse around a GD soccer field with the plebs wearing probable Candie's™ wedges and sipping on a red Gatorade, then I don't even have words for your face anymore.
If you can't recognize a heavenly being walking among us like a damn episode of Touched by an Angel, then I must bid you good day, sir.
P.S. I was looking for a gif to insert here, as I am wont to due, when I came across this:
And I was all, "I love that. It's like I made it...myself. Oh, shit. I made that. Myself." Aaaaaaaand scene. Good day. I need some wine.
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Thursday, March 19, 2015
Want To Win The March Allure Sample Society Box?
If you want to get your mitts on this month's Sample Society box, first watch this video. (Don't worry, I tried to keep it short.) Then go read all the rules and such and leave comment on the OG YouTube video.
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Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Allure Insiders Get The Look: Madonna's "Ray Of Light"
Madonna's latest album came out last week, so I had to celebrate in the only way that I know how; with a hair and makeup ode to the queen.
If you're into Madonna in her "Ray of Light" years (see what I did there?), check this out.
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