Showing posts with label I Don't Care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I Don't Care. Show all posts

Monday, April 13, 2015

Sharpen Your Pitchforks, Here's My Beauty Confession: I Hate Contouring

This might piss you off, but I've held this in my mind prison long enough: I hate contouring.

Okay, maybe hate is a bit strong. But I'm extremely fed-up with it in encroaching on everyday life. And like most things in life, I blame Kim Kardashian for this entire thing.



Here she is, the Kontouring Kween, perfectly demonstrating one of my major issues with contouring your face -- it looks pretty shitty most of the time, when you're just walking around in your life buying Diet Cokes, or whatever. Because our faces are made of human skin, featuring boring stuff like oils and pores and other organ-y things. And when you aren't on a stage, or in a photoshoot, contouring usually looks one of three ways: like you didn't even do it, like it's screaming, "HEY, I CONTOURED MUH FACE," or like you just have dirt on your face. Pick your poison.

Why am I even talking (typing?) about this right now? Well, I have tried to wait for the contouring madness to die down, and just go about my life, but a ton of people that I love and care about are continually being affected by contouring. You might think I'm being hyperbolic right now, but here's a taste of contouring issues, just from the past month or so.

This first text is from someone that actually had contouring done by the man who is responsible for Kim K's contour. So, the utmost expert in their field.


Okay, so how about someone that tried it on themselves, just for something fun on a special occasion? Here's a text from another friend.

 

Hmmm, not great. Then I also get a lot of the following, where people are just like, "What the eff is even going on?!?"


Listen, you know me. I'm an NOT an anti-ass-load of makeup propagandist. I am firmly pro-ass-loads of makeup, in fact. There's just a time and place for concealing the actual shape of your facial features, and picking up a couple of delicious Blizzards from DQ is not necessarily it. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR JAW/NOSE/CHEEK/FOREHEAD SHAPE, WORLD. But if you find yourself on stage as a Dolly Parton impersonator, contour away. Also, give me your number. I want to know you.

There are ways to look more rested, vibrant and like your face was gently swatted awake with a unicorn's treasure-filled tail beyond contouring, and they don't take a master's degree in blending to achieve. One of the best is Trish McEvoy's "triangle of light" method, which you can read about here. And all you need is a concealer that you probably already own.

If you want to add a little more glowy shit to your face, might I suggest bronzer? Just put it on the places where the sun would naturally hit: forehead, cheeks, a dab on the nose and chin. If you want to get fancy-ish, do the ol' three shape bronzer trick. That's it.

At the end of the day, you know I want you to do whatever the hell it is that makes you happy. But don't feel like you have to contour your face into an alien; you don't. It's not going to make you feel happier or extra famous. Just more makeup-y. Now, I'll get off my effing high horse and get back to posting constant gifs.


Thanks, Brit. We needed that.

You can send your hate emails to idontcare@blahwhateverblah.com.




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Saturday, October 18, 2014

The Halloween Tutorial You've Always Wanted In Your Life: Honey Boo Boo

I'm such an old. I can't even do peace fingers the "cool" way.

Are you guys all hyped for Halloween? That shit is my favorite time of year. You can look completely ridiculous and not get one single judgey look. So I felt it necessary to do a solid Halloween tutorial.

And because I'm always on time, like Ja Rule and Ashanti, I picked Honey Boo Boo. Yes, I have a calendar.





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Thursday, October 9, 2014

My Three Favorite Mascaras Right This Minute



I'm a pretty fickle sister when it comes to mascara. I rarely am all, "Damn, I love this mofo!" But, I currently feel that way about THREE mascaras. Don't slut-shame me.

Watch and let me know if you feel the same. Or other ones I need to try. I'm always open to adding more to my repertoire. (I'm wiggling my eyebrows in a creepy way right now.)




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