Showing posts with label Perfection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Perfection. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

7 Times Tonya Harding Was Your Unconventional Beauty Muse

Whoever created this photo deserves at least one of Nancy Kerrigan's medals. (Too soon?)

Here's a true fact for your ass: I'm a low-key stan for Tonya Harding. Her story is just so crazy over-the-top that you can't help but semi-fall in love with her. She has some kind of Amy Fisher/Pamela Smart xtra-lite appeal to her that I can't explain with actual words that make sense. But just know that she lives in my heart.

(P.S. If you haven't watched it, go watch that ESPN doc on the whole Harding/Kerrigan deal. It's amazing. You know it has to be if I just recommended something from ESPN.)

My favorite thing about T Hard is her whole vibe and style. This is a woman with beauty MOMENTS. Here are my favorite times.

When She Had Those Bangs.

If you never had bangs that looked like fledgling sparrows were nesting in them, your ass didn't have BANGS. Pair them with white eyeshadow and you've got yourself a solid, solid look.

And That Scrunchie.

Tonya was like the kaweeen of scrunchies. Her (imagined) hair routine was like: blow dry with one of those tiny Conair dryers that get up to 989852093845 degrees while brushing through your perm, do bangs, slick back into tight ponytail with a handful of LA Looks gel, tie hair back with a giant (preferably velvet) scrunchie, and call that shit a day. Flawless.

And Also That Scrunchie. (With an Assist From That Blush.)

I told you -- queen of scrunchies.


Signs that you aren't effing around with your French braid: it starts at your eyebrows.

And This One Eyebrow.

Speaking of brows, this is a natural one. Hey dude, it's been a minute since I've seen one of you.

And This Eyeliner.

The Hard learned she was a "Spring" skin tone and went to MF-ing town with that blue eyeliner. Went to all the towns. She was so pleased, that she let Nancy borrow one of the royal scrunchies.


I dare you to find one single thing that isn't perfect about this. I DARE YOU. This should hang in the Louvre.

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Monday, June 15, 2015

Stop The Charade (To Be Pronounced "Shah-Rhad"): You Will Be Watching Lifetime's "A Deadly Adoption"

Screw the sports whatevers of the world: start planning your MF-ing important watch parties now. Winter might already be here (RIP, RIP), but A DEADLY ADOPTION IS COMING.

If you're still pretending like you will not be partaking in this Will Ferrell/Kristen Wiig spoof-y Lifetime movie, you just quit your stunt queen maneuvers. You will be watching this.

The trailer assures us that all of the typical Lifetime movie bullshit (and by bullshit I mean magical) elements will be present: heaving pregnant bosoms, rich people, ripped martial photographs, annoying curly-haired children, boat-necked flowy tees, crazy women in nude wedges, white trash but hot boyfriends, and peering through door cracks. If you need more than that to entertain you, you must be Queen Elizabeth. If so, good day, ma'am.

This atrocious bit of genius premieres June 20 at 8pm on Lifetime, SO SET YOUR DAMN DVR, FOOL.

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