Code ORANGE!

I was perusing the ol' Facebook earlier today, checking out people's Halloween pictures. (One of my favorite pastimes, BT-dubs. I can silently judge people. But now I'm blogging about it...Whoopsie?) I noticed an issue with a lot of girls/ladies/young women/whatevs. No, not the slutiness/tininess/low rent-ness of the costumes. Do your thang, girl! It's Halloween! No, this was something much more sinister. So many b's were way too damn tan! It looked like a dang Valencia orange grove up in there! Let's explore this issue...I'll even talk ish about myself!


I mean, sh*t! Look at me! I was too tan even on my wedding day. And those pictures WON'T DIE! I was a tanorexic b for a looooong time. Not. Cute. But don't worry! I'm not the only one.


Ol' Xtina (Remember that?!?) has been too tan forever, along with a long list of other celebrities. See: Everyone on Jerseylicious. (Yes, I'm stretching at the term "celebrity.") Baseball mitts, anyone?


Oh these two. Even swag-a-rific designers aren't immune to this is. You know Anne Hathaway is thinking, "If this b gets his crazy ass bronzer all over my porcelain skin, I will scream!" (You know she's a stomping, screaming kind. Look at her face. It's okay, Annie. I am too!) I can't even with Donatella. She's just filed under: Too. Much.


And you KNOW I couldn't forget about America's sweetheart! B*tch got 99 problems, and her tan is one. Honey, you SELL SELF TANNER. Get it together!

I'm pleading with everyone. Being too tan is not cute! It's a real thing! C'mon peeps. Let's kick this ish together, and self tan in moderation. (NO TANNING BEDS!)

PSA, anyone? Pin It