'Scuse Me? News: Eva Mendes Is SEVEN MF-ING MONTHS PREGNANT

Remember Eva Mendes?

Remember when she and Ryan Gosling were a thing, and we were all, "Ugh, but I get it, they're both super hot and have hair perfection on lockdown?"

Except for the tight-rolling pants over a boot deal. Stop trying to make that a thing, Ry. It's not.

Then remember when everyone was like, "Those two sexy ass mofos broke up. No one has seen them together in 34974298 years!" And we all breathed a sigh of relief and waited for a telegram from RG saying that he was sending one of those Cinderella pumpkin carriages to pick us up and bring us forth to him?

Well, get ready to order an extra body pillow with the Gosling pillowcase upgrade for backup, because Us Weekly is saying that homegirl is all the way knocked up. And not even like just-peed-on-the-stick-thingy-five-minutes-ago pregnant. Seven months pregnant. Like, that puppy is close to being pooped out, pregnant. (Isn't that how babies are born?)

Luckily for you, I got this EXCLUSIVE picture of the baby that they're probably having. I know, I know. This is HUGE. Screw you, People magazine. You ain't got nothing on my exclusives.

What do you guys think, is Eva Mendes PREGNANT pregnant? Or is she just pregnant with a case of the b-faces, as per usual?

UPDATE: It's true! It's all effing true.

 
And it's all People's fault.

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It's Ryan Gosling's Birthday! Let's Watch Videos of His Ass. (Spoiler Alert: No ACTUAL Gosling Ass.)

Today is a day that should be rejoiced, you guys. It's Happy "Out of Yo Mama's Cookie" Day to that sexpot that we call Ryan Gosling. (Okay, so I totally stole that phrase from Sweet Brown's Instagram, but it's perfect. And, yes, I follow Sweet Brown on I.G. -- she's a friggin' treasure. )

In celebration of Gossie's big day, I've created an international viewing party of my favorite R.G. videos, so let our asses start the celebration. This first one shows Ry Ry stripping down to tiny underdrawers...



I don't think that anyone hated that, amiright? Let's now awkwardly move on to videos of yesteryear, back to when Ryan was just a wee, shiny bowl-cutted lad on The Mickey Mouse Club.



Justin totally tried stealing the scene with those lame ass (AKA perfect) overalls and gelled curly side bangs, but today's all about the Gos Sauce, so step the eff off, J mf-ing T.

And just in case you need more baby goose times (get it, Gosling? I'm such a wordsmith.), here's another tiny tot performance, featuring PANTS!



On the real, that dancing was straight dope.

Who knew that Chess King made luxurious silken clothes for tiny children?

I saved my favorite adult time Goss vid for last, even though I've shared this here before. But it's just so damn adorable that it should be cherished on this day of the 'Ling.



You know that your heart just grew three sizes just by watching that.

Happy Birthday, Ryan Gosling! Now go celebrate by popping bottles and doing models, or whatever thing it is you choose to do on your 33rd year of life.

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It's Ryan Gosling's Birthday, Girl.

In celebration of the hotness that is currently Ryan Gosling, let's look upon another time. A time when the Gos Sauce was not SO hot...

Oh sh*t. This is the best. I can't even hang with those accessories.

Sweet headband.

Aaaand with a cameo from JT's hair. Yikes

Now back to the current day.

 Pretty much.



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