Hurry! There's Still Time for You to Look Like You (A-hemed) a Leprechaun. (In a Totally Cool Way.)

Happy St. Patty's Day weekend, mofos. Before you get all crunk ass and green-ed out, I suggest one more item to up your game.

violent lips "the shamrock", $7.99 for a pack of two

These are The Shamrock Violent Lips, and they are ridiculously fun and easy to apply. It's just like a temporary tattoo for your lips. It doesn't even feel weird -- kind of like the long wear lipsticks that have been around forever. I only wore them for 30 minutes or so, because I'm a hermit and I'm not doing anything tonight, but I could tell that these puppies would last a long ass time. The package says four to eight hours, and I totally believe it. To remove, you just put a little baby oil (or I used coconut oil) on your lips for a minute or so, and then rub it off with a paper towel, or a textured cotton pad.




To find out where you can find these bad boys locally, check here. Or, if you don't give and eff about St. Patrick's Day (How rude!) you can see all of the other Violent Lip options here. Now go have fun tonight, b's. And don't consume everything green in sight.

via mrhankey

Or, you know, do.



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It's a Cheap Nudie Show! (For Lips, You Pervs.)

I feel like if you are a makeup kind of gal (gross, I hate that word), or even if you really aren't, you spend 67% of your beauty product browsing life looking for a badass nude/pinky lipstick that looks like your lips, but a touch sexier. And then when you happen to find one that's friggin' boss as hell, you cross your pinkie toes hoping that sh*t doesn't cost one billion dollars because it's made from diamonds derived from unicorn tears. And let me sidebar for a hot ass minute, while we're on unicorn tears. Look what I saw while perusing the clearance racks of DSW the other day, because I'm a cheap w.

WHAT THE WHAT?

I DESPERATELY wanted to buy these, because hello, there's a mother effin' CRYING UNICORN on them. You'd be insane not to hot glue these on your feet, but because I'm 3/4s elfin, b's were too big on my own unicorn hooves. Life blows, man.

Okay, back to lipstick perfection. I found a great nude/pinky lip, and IT'S A DRUGSTORE BRAND. Go ahead, kiss me now -- with those "your lips but better" lips of yours.

This is Revlon's Super Lustrous Lipstick in Pink Pearl. Ignore the fact that I'm the worst at life, and the top photo makes this mess look purplish. I don't know what the eff my general problem is. So let's take a look at the photo from drugstore.com, where Revlon products are currently buy one, get one half off:

drugstore.com, $7.99

Yup, they clearly are much better at this stuff than I. I am of the pale and yellowish skin tone at the moment, and this stuff is the monkey's banana bread for me. I don't know how it will be on cooler skin tones, but it's pretty neutral, so I would give it a try. You can pick up Revlon, well, pretty much anywheres, people. Try it. SCORE FOR THE CHEAP AND NUDE TEAM!

Sorry, Gossy baby, I had to use that line. I didn't choose the game, the game chose me.

P.S. Can we all go get airbrushed t-shirt (or puffy paint, pick your poison) that read "Cheap n' Nude" and are emblazoned with crying unicorns?




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My Old School (Lip) Jam and a New School Twist

clinique, $15

SURELY, if you are reading this blog, then you know about Clinique's Almost Lipstick in Black Honey. If not, then honey boo, it's time to get up on that train (and ride it). It's like a sheer-y, a little glossy, perfect bit of color to your lips. As if you've been drinking red wine -- and maybe noshing on a lil' cheesecake -- on a veranda with Blanche Devereaux all day. And who the hell doesn't want that lip color?!? This stuff has been around for years, so it's like an O.G. lip deal, much like my Blanche. Thank you for being a friend, Black Honey.

my new friend, shine attract lipstick (left) and black honey (right)

But I have a new pal, you guys. Avon's Shine Attract Lipstick in All Around Russet is kind of similar to my Black Honey, and the lipstick is on sale RIGHT NOW for $5.99. The exact shade is not available yet (this was another goodie from my Allure Best of Beauty haul, I believe), but there are a plethora of badass shades up in that b that you should try. Oh, and here's a swatch -- because I love your ass. (Not your ASS ass, but you.)

Pretty, pretty sweet, right? And I'm totally into the clear whatever it is around the color part of the lipstick. It makes it so un-lipsticky, and shiny. I'm totally feeling it. So I now have to share my love between my old school homegirl and my new fling. I feel like that douchey dude from Sister Wives.

 Totally feel you Kody with a k. Totally.



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It's a NYX-plosion, B's!

I have never, ever, until recently, tried NYX Cosmetics. I know, I know -- I'm a horrible beauty person. I remedied this situation by asking the peeps at NYX to send me a palette to try, and because they are awesome, they did. They sent me a couple of palettes, but I find myself using one in particular EVERY SINGLE DAY. You know when you have one of those eyeshadow deals. You try to stop using the same sh*t constantly, but somehow your shadow brush keeps gravitating toward that b on the reg. Well, that's me and this bad boy, the NYX Wicked dreams Palette -- proof that being an old, always-in-a-using-the-same-stuff-rut curmudgeon doesn't always have to be a bad thing.

nyx wicked dreams palette, $15

I love that this palette is mostly neutrals, and then has a few jewel-toned shadows tossed in the mix.

Here are just a few of the roughly bajillion looks that you can create with this 24 shadow palette. And the quality of these thang-a-langs ain't too shabby, either, especially considering the low, low price tag of $15. But guess what? My mutha effin' NYX-plotation didn't even stop there. I was looking to buy a matte liquid lipstick from another brand, and while I was reading reviews, I saw that NYX makes a similar product with their Soft Matte Lip Cream. And with a price of $6, it is a fraction of a fraction of the price of the original lip product I was going to buy. So I got my ass in the car and drove nearly 29834982 miles (okay, it was 20 minutes) to the far ass away Ulta that's closest to my house to snatch these mofos up as fast as I could. (Oh, and P to the S, they are currently BOGO at Ulta. So it was a total $9 investment.)

addis ababa (top) and monte carlo (bottom), $6 each

I LOVE THESE THINGS. The Monte Carlo shade is especially magical. It's like roses and unicorns came together to live a tiny, tiny life on your pouty lips. And the formula is different than really anything else I've ever used. It is matte, but not pilly or drying -- if you've ever used a long wear lip product you are totally picking up what I'm throwing down when I say "pilly," right? Yep, thought so.

Okay, enough raving for today. I have to keep up my b face street cred. So what's the moral to this long-ass story??? I'm a total NYX-onette right now.

via buzzfeed

Okay, that was totally unrelated to anything, but I've been dying to use this GIF for over a week. Via la Sugar Bear!

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Random Homie: VS Pro Smooth FX Lip Scrub & Balm

VS Pro Smooth FX Lip Scrub & Balm, $16

Oh, hot damn. This is my jam. (What song was that? A Black Eyed Peas, or something? Hell if I know.) I have tried many a lip scrub, y'alls. I usually put them all into a big, fat ol' "meh" category. A lot of them tend to be chunky, or scratchy, or do-nothings. But lemme tell you about this little pumpkin, which is a LIP SCRUB on the bottom, and a LIP BALM on the top. That's straight simple genius, yo. All you do is scrub-a-dub for half a minute or so (I found it worked best after a shower), and then balm up the pout. My lips feel brand spankin' new! Like I ripped them off a toddler's face, or something. And my lips are always dry. I took Accutane back in the mid 90's (Shut up, I know I'm old as sh*t), and ever since then, I've had a problem with lip dryness. (On my face -- you gross b's.)

Looks like mama's found a new LFF. (Lip friend forever. Obviously.)

via realitytvgifs

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