Watch Jessica Lange Pull An Us And Pretend That Lea Michele Doesn't Exist

JK, Lea. I follow you on Instagram for some inexplicable reason. And that dress is beautiful. And you have great hair. Okay, enough nice crap. Let's get to the bitchassness.

Much gratitude to Gawker, and more specifically Rich Juzwiak, for bringing the video below into my life. (And even more thanks are owed to Rich for introducing me to the likes of Grey Gardens and Paris is Burning via his blog FourFour.) I really can't imagine living my day-to-day life without seeing Lea Michele be completely ignored by the light of our lives, Jessica Lange, now that I've been exposed to its glory.



I'm sure this all happened because Ms. Lange was wondering the same thing that we all are: HOW LONG DO YOU NEED TO POSE FOR A HANDFUL OF PICTURES? That and Jessica was probably just trying to get inside and see if all of the catered pizza rolls were gone, like any sane human would do.

I will admit that it takes me 908543095 minutes to take a semi-decent photo of myself to use in beauty-related posts using a camera timer in my cave of solitude, but I don't possess TV-levels of attractiveness. I don't even have infomerical-levels of beauty. Not to mention, my eyes are usually mid-flutter and I look like this in every picture:

I would hate to be a famous. Most of your awkward social interactions are filmed and spread around like Justin Bieber's circa 2012 haircut in Alabama (I can say that, my family's from Alabama and I kind of enjoy Lynyrd Skynyrd) so assholes like me can make fun of you. I don't think that there's a video of me falling flat on my face in Wal-Mart while wearing slutty knee-high boots from Charlotte Russe in 2007, even though that really happened. I'll just stick to being a mediocre normal.





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Orlando Bloom Acts For The People Of Earth And Tries To Punch Justin Bieber

This picture is completely unrelated, but I found it really humorous that Justin Bieber and his friend are wearing not only matching shorts and topless-ness, but also identical underwear. Twinsies!

I was scrolling through Instagram last night, and I came across a picture of Miranda Kerr that Biebs had posted. (YES, I FOLLOW HIM. I HATE MYSELF.) That little twerpy derp has since taken it down, but I thought it was kind of weird. But now it all makes sense after waking up to this pretty MF-ing amazing story about Orlando Bloom trying to put his delicate hands across JB's smug mug.

And there's a Swedish video of this. WITH SLOWMO. Let's watch and laugh together.



These two apparently got wild for the night, f being polite, over Baby B maybe doing sex stuffs with Miranda Kerr (BRB vomiting until my jaw falls off) and possibly  Orlando Bloom hanging out with Selena Gomez a few months ago. Whatever the case, we can all thank Yeezus that SOMEBODY finally attempted to spank this toddler. Even if it was Orlando Bloom, who I could probably beat up quickly and efficiently, and seems like he bathes in rose water with a splash of honey. (Don't get me wrong, I'm still firmly in the "would do" camp, he just doesn't seem like the punch shit type.)

After the misfired punch goes down, Bieber apparently screams, "What's up, bitch?" while his security team attempts to contain their giggles, I'm sure. Sounds like it's time for somebody's nap nap. This is all just definitive proof that humans need to stop f-ing Justin Bieber. Ever.

UPDATE: Baby Biebs just posted this to his Instagram. Someone take his damn LeapFrog away.

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