I can't stop thinking Justin Bieber's dad is hot. What the eff is my problem? What's next, one of those kids from One Direction's great auntie? I know that I'm old and sh*t, but do I also have brain/sexual attraction to Canadian dad issues? And does this mean that I really have a thing for dudes that look like skinny Kevin Federlines? Is this really about my deep, deep love for Britney Spears? If I buy Fantasy perfume will it solve my problems? My. God.
I need some advil. Or roofies. Or a lobotomy.
P.P.S. I REALLY have to stop following Justin Bieber on Instagram.
P.P.P.S. I'm now following the dad on Twitter. Call the police.