WTF Music Monday: International Edition

Here we are again, mofos. It's Monday, and we all hate our lives. But don't worry that pretty little noggin, I'm here to jump start the week in the very best way that I know how -- with awesomely shitty music.

First up, is a jam from Eastern Europe. Watch the video and we'll discuss afterward. (P.S. I'll high five the shit out of you if you can make it all the way through this one.)



What was that? It's like the Russian (???) version of "Gangnam Style, " with extra highlighting eyeshadow. And bedazzled headbands as sunglasses. And chandelier accoutrements as headbands.

I have absolutely no idea what just happened, but whoever told homie that licking that lollypop like that was cute was a damned liar. That person is not your friend. Add the d-bag that sold you those Paris Hilton colored contacts to the list of your non-friends, too.

This isn't even the end of the fun(ish) times today, you guys. I also found this adorably mustachioed Indian man auto-tuning his little heart out in this piece of musical perfection.



I MF-ing love this song. I like to imagine that it's this dude's take on Bon Jovi's "It's My Life," but with extra EXTRA sound effects and air drums. The lyrics are more magical than a gif of a kitten riding a unicorn, which I couldn't find, but I did find this:

Let's just flesh out some of the amazingness of this man's words:

• It's my life, whom I want to leave oooo....oooo....oooo
• A friend of mine said I'm a waste fellow, he don't know the taste of this fellow.
• I always search for good in bad, I also search for bad in good. I am a very good bad boy.
• I am a brain eater...
• I am a smart cheater...
• I am a back bencher...
• I am a kids lover...
• I am very anger...I know it's very danger

You could really put any of those quotes on a watercolor background and have a hell of an inspirational Instagram post.

The moral of the story? "If you don't like anyone, live alone." And also, "Don't believe me...I am a true lier." Annnnnd scene.

Yep, pretty much. Happy Monday!

via reddit's "crappy music"


Pin It

GUUUUUURL Of The Day: Trojan Condoms' Commercial Is Letting Us Know That Old People Are Doing It

Haven't felt like you wanted to vomit nearly enough today? This should solve that.



Well, my uterus just shriveled up and died like a Craisin, so there's that. My brain knows, deep in its recesses, that oldies occasionally get freaky. But, my eyeballs and ear holes don't need that data.

via realitytvgifs

Thanks, Trojan. I'm barren.






Pin It

GUUUUUURL of the Day: Lil' Waynes NEWEST Face Tattoo. (The Old Ones are Kind of Grandfathered in, I Guess.)

pic via spin

I mean, I really didn't even think that this needed to be said, but apparently, it does: Tattooing sh*t on your face is not a great idea. Not only did Lil' Wayne (Side note -- how long in life can one be known as "Lil'" whatever? Is there an age cap on that? I feel like if you are a septuagenarian, or something, it's gone on far too long.) get another face tattoo, but this one reads "BAKED" in squares. It's apparently in reference to a skateboard company competitor? Or something? I don't know, you go try to figure that mess out. I'm far, far too old to know what the eff all of this means.

One thing that I do feel pretty, pretty confident about is not getting a tattoo...on your face. Especially when it's a possible advertising ploy. Like, you realize that is your FACE face, right? And you already have a bunch of OTHER tattoos on that b? You only have one forehead, Lil'. Let's not make it a cluttered Penny Saver advertising page. IT'S YOUR FACE, MAN.

via realitytvgifs

You look crazy.



Pin It

Blogging Note, with a Helping of This Looks Disgusting.

I'm having some womanly issues today, so if my posting is spotty (har har) you'll understand why. And maybe my "condition" (Why do I feel like I'm a 1930's doctor right now? These broads and their hysterics!) is making me feel extra grossed out right now, but I kept seeing this sh*t on Facebook, as a sponsored post, and it was straight up making my ass sick.

via bob evans

Have you guys seen this? It's recipes using Bob Evans' refrigerated mashed potatoes. Most of them looked pretty insane, but this one took the proverbial gross cake. This is the Clubhouse Mashtini, featuring things like: ham, turkey, pickles, and ranch dressing. That sounds nothing short of vomitous to my delicate constitution. 

Not today, Bob Evans. Not today.


Pin It

GUUUUUURL of the Day: Everyone I Know, for Not Getting This Dude to Do a Dance for Me

Why can't this dude "YOOOOUP" twerk it up in a circle for my birthday? Dammit, Aaron. You're such a damn good gift giving hog. But for real, that was really weird. Why did that man have to wear a skirt? Why did that man have to then lift the skirt? Why do old people love wearing socks and awkward shoe combos? BUT REALLY, WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIFT THE SKIRT???

This is my dog, Wiggy, and we both usually think that everything is the worst, so it just seems apropos at this point. (And, yes, I made a meme of my own dog. Get off my junk.) But you know what isn't the worst? Tickling baby penguins named Cookie.



See, everything ended up okay in the end. Now we won't all be hearing "YOOOOUP" in our dreams, and envisioning undergarments that just can't be unseen.


Pin It

GUUUUUURL of the Day: Mens in Turtlenecks

I was watching the latest episode of 30 Rock last night, when this abomination came upon my screen -- the dreaded man turtleneck. It was actually a small plot point on the episode. You know, the fact that turtlenecks are TERRIBLE. Even the name is gross. Who would want a neck like a turtle? Have you seen a turtle's neck? Don't agree with me? Hold your mother effin' horses sister, and let us take a 'neck tour.

I'm pretty sure that this is a terrible joke.

A typical turtleneck patron. The cat is sickened to his core.

What in the eff is this Devil's neck maiden???

Mmmmkay. What kind of weird ass door is that? How does it even work?

Well of course. My nemesis surfaces again. P.S. This picture is friggin' creepy.

DO YOU BELIEB ME YET?

 

Welcome to it.

 

Pin It