Showing posts with label Self Help Nonsense. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self Help Nonsense. Show all posts

Friday, January 20, 2012

The Beauty Bucket List: Girly Crap to Master Before You Die!

*This post is totally not endorsed by Jack Nicholson or Morgan Freeman. They do NOT approve.

#1  How to rock a winged eyeliner and a red lip.

You're probably thinking, "But I don't know HOW to put on liquid eyeliner! That ish is crazy hard! What am I? An alien princess? And red lipstick? That mess looks turrrrible on my skin tone!" Number one, maybe you are an alien. I don't know your life like that. Number two, you are not yet dead, because you are currently reading this. So you have time to master the liquid! Once you get the hang of it, you're golden. Trust. I even made a video on it a while ago to get you started!



As far as red lipstick goes, there is a shade for EVERYONE. Go see your local, friendly makeup artist if you need help finding a shade, mmmkay? This is a timeless look, and takes about 30 seconds to acheive. It will instantly add a big ol' pinch of glamour to your life!


#2  How to masterfully walk in heels.

I don't care if you are more of a flats girl, a flip flop girl, or even a kitten heel (I just threw up in my mouth a little.) kind of lady, you need to know how to walk easily in a high heel. You never know where your life might take you! What if you are kidnapped by a crazy shiek and forced into an international beauty pagaent? What if Courtney Stodden gets remarried next year, and she has chosen you to be a bridesmaid? You can't turn that train wreck down just beacuse of your baby fawn-like wobbly ankles! Seriously, learn this. Mandatory.

#3  Figure out what style of jeans look best on YOUR body.

We all know that jeans are a warbrobe staple. You can wear them while you eat Cheetos on the couch, and use them to double as a denim napkin. You can wear them for a w'y (Do you get where I'm going here?) night out on the town, and when you wake up in a park or whatever you won't look THAT out of place. (Yikes, that sounds like a case for Olivia Benson.) Whatever, they are versatile.

BUT, not every style of jeans look great on everyone. But I promise you that there is a style that will make your butt look the best and your legs longer. Just because something is trendy at the time, doesn't mean it will work for you. Think about Jennifer Anniston for a sec. Do you recall ever seeing her in skinny jeans? I don't. She almost exclusively wears bootcut denim, and looks really hot in them. Case closed.

#4  How to accessorize the mess out of a super plain outfit.

There's a reason why things like the little black dress and jeans and a tank are popular. It's because they are ridiculously easy to wear and can be styled in a million different ways! Now the only issue that you have is how to make the most out of these plain outfits. Necklaces, earrings, belts, scarves, blazers and jackets will save your style in these cases. Even when you are low on fund-age, you can make your wardrobe work (make, make it work) by using what you already have in your closet look new every third day.

#5  Know how to dye your own hair (in a pinch).

Now, obvs the pros do this ish way better. But in an extreme roots/botched color job emergency, we all need to know how to fix that sitch. Once again on this one, once you get the hang of it, it's super easy. Just don't get too cray cray if you are very inexperienced. You will look a hot mess. The first time I dyed my own hair, I looked just like Carrot Top (with less eyeliner).


#6  Come to terms with your flaws, and work the hell out of your assets.

We are our own biggest critics, duh. Trust me, I know all of my flaws dearly and intimately. Have I accepted them? Oh hell no. My skin, my legs, my nose, my teeth, we could be here all day. We can't have it all! (A dermatologist once told me that when I asked him if my skin would ever look good. Yay! Thanks for the pep talk!) So, obviously, I'm still really working on this one.

BUT, we all also have some amazing assets. I like my eyebrows...Maybe you have great legs! Or lips! Or boobs! Or hair! Whatever your amazingness may be, focus on it and highlight it to the best of your ability.

What do you guys think should be on the beauty bucket list? What do you want to learn/do before you kick it? Pin It

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