Showing posts with label Jennifer Lawrence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jennifer Lawrence. Show all posts

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Here's Your BFF Jennifer Lawrence, Who You May Or May Not Be Over

Are you still into J Law(r)? Or are you of the camp that thinks her whole deal is a shtick-y shtick shtick and you've had just about enough of her bullshit? Like the whole, "LOLZ I FELL AGAIN" thing is definitely a thing now, but I happen to still find this little Hot Pocket endearing as eff, and I hate everyone, but that's just one layperson's opinion.

I did glean an interesting bit from this video -- Jenny LIKES A BOOTCUT JEAN. How Jennifer Aniston 2.0 of her! I bet she slathers on the Aveeno, too.

I wonder if hanging out with Jen 2.0 is like going zip lining. At first you're like, "This shit is fun," but around zip line seven of ten you're more, "I think I'm done and I might vomit if I don't get this GD helmet off."

JK, JL. I love annoying zip lines and I would soar through the sky forever with you. Islands in the stream, that is what we are.

I've had wine.

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Thursday, July 30, 2015

GUUUUUURL Of The Day: All Of Us, For Not Being On A Jet Ski With Jennifer Lawrence And Amy Schumer

A photo posted by @amyschumer on

I mean, can a bitch hop on one of those banana boat things? An inner-tube? Some type of shit?

Here's Jennifer Lawrence driving Amy Schumer around on a GD jet ski, gallivanting around like a couple of Ariels, while I went to jury duty today. (Also, how long can I milk that annoying situation? Just today, or what?) I hate watersports (ZING-A-THON!) and even I want to get in on this action.

And this wasn't the only activity of the day.

A photo posted by @amyschumer on

Of course, Jen and her tiny, baby-sized belly button are at the top of the pyramid. If I were part of these festivities, I would mos def be the homegirl lying in the front, and not because I was wearing a knee brace and just got a fierce-ass perm. I just hate participation.

Actually, I wouldn't even be on the boat. If Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence called me on a three-way call, one from a phone that was shaped like a pair of lips and one from a clear plastic phone with colorful wires inside, and personally invited me to go frolic in the sea, I would be like, "Sorry, bitch, I'm watching Judge Judy in a room darkened with blackout curtains." And then I would shove more white cheddar popcorn into my pie hole. Because that is my actual life.

Let's just try to end this on a positive note.

SOS, send more popcorn.

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